


In Darkness Without You

by sunshineflying



Series: In Darkness Without You verse [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-19
Updated: 2014-02-19
Packaged: 2018-01-13 00:55:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 50,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1206850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshineflying/pseuds/sunshineflying
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A future!1D AU of The Vow. Niall and Gemma are together, and have been for quite some time, when a snowy night in Mullingar leads to an accident. Gemma loses five years worth of memories - everything she knew about Niall, One Direction, and fame are gone and she's got to find her way in this new life. With only Harry and her mother to guide her, Gemma tries to come to terms with the fact that she's married, her brother is famous, and she's got actual fans. Niall tries to get her to remember him, but the road is rough. Will she ever remember?</p><p>Title is from Journey's song Remember Me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Darkness Without You

**Author's Note:**

> My biggest One Direction work to date, and I couldn't it without any of the following really amazing people.
> 
> To my best friend, in real life and online, [Mariah](http://sunsetswing.tumblr.com). You were a fantastic beta down to the very last second and your squeeing thrown in between your actual comments made editing an actual joy. I love you! Big thanks to my amazing Britpicker [Rachael](http://naughtyelf.livejournal.com) and my cheerleader [Angeline](http://sexinforhoran.tumblr.com/) as well!
> 
> And now, the most rewarding bit of this fic is when it all comes to life through the talented work of [Rachel](http://sticklers.livejournal.com). Her art is what got me excited about this fic all over again and I hope you all go and leave her lots of feedback and compliments because she is so incredibly talented. You can find her art in the fic below with the parts of the fic they coincide with!
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this fic. It's been a lot of work and research to get to this point and I'm proud of the final result thanks to all the help.

Wandering out of the small theatre in the dark of night felt like heaven with the snow falling all around them. Niall’s arm was around Gemma’s waist, and Gemma curled in towards him even as they walked. She was drawn to him for warmth, but there was so much more. They had gravitated towards each other from the very start, even when Harry had been so persistently against what they had.

Eventually he’d realized that nobody could really do for Gemma what Niall could; not with the fame. There were too many risks with letting an “outsider” in to date his sister. There was always the possibility and the suspicion that they were doing it for the fame, or the money or travel. Did they think it meant they had an “in” to every big event in music? Harry hated all the uncertainty. So when Gemma sat him down and said that she was falling in love with Niall, Harry couldn’t fight it. The glow in her eyes and the fact that he knew Niall loved fiercely and with such warmth and kindness – he knew they wouldn’t have brought it up unless it was something real, something true.

And now just mere days before Christmas, Niall got to take Gemma out in Mullingar on their last night there before they returned to Holmes Chapel for a holiday celebration. She cuddled to his chest and walked in a curvy line, clutching to him to keep warm, and he smiled at her and kissed her forehead. “The first real snowfall, me mum says,” Niall told her as they gazed out at the fresh snow.

It fell slowly, tinkling down from the sky about in a little melody all its own, padding down silently on their hair, their jackets, and the ground all around them. Nobody was bothering Niall for autographs or asking Gemma how Harry was doing. In Mullingar they could be normal, at least for a little while. It was a relief.

“It’s beautiful,” Gemma smiled reverently as she pushed some stray strands of hair out of her eyes.

Niall kept his arm protectively around her waist as he led her towards his car. She climbed in and waited as he brushed the snow off the windscreen. He pulled a silly face and paused his work as Gemma giggled so beautifully. He could hear the faint echo of her laughter through the glass, and just the sound was enough to warm his heart. Niall was so happy with her; he knew that Gemma was his other half without a doubt.

“It’s fine!” she shouted eventually.

The car was cold and Niall had forgotten to start it and get the heat running before he cleaned off the snow. Niall just laughed and asked, “Do you think I’ll be able to see?”

He knew that Gemma was cold, that she just wanted to get home and maybe get up to their usual nighttime activity as of late. With a big smirk on his face, Niall ran towards his door at the sound of Gemma shouting, “Come on! Yes! Let’s go home, I’m cold!”

His laughter subsided slowly as he climbed in and put the snow brush in the back seat, little flakes of snow tumbling down on the seats as he did so. “I’m so cold,” Gemma whined, but there was a playful smile on her face.

She turned to face him, her hands up as she shivered, and Niall covered her hands with his own. His fingertips brushed the ring on her finger; it was fairly recent, but something of which he was very proud. She was his and he was hers. They belonged to each other now, complete with darling, overprotective Harry’s blessing. Niall took good care of Gemma, and they had quite the swing of things after five years of friendship. Two of those had been dating, along with a quick marriage and lots of changes when the celebrity status of One Direction shot up even more, but Gemma was at Niall’s side the whole time. She supported all of them, cared for all of them, but gave Niall love in a way that nobody else would ever know, and he treasured it.

Niall’s hands cupped Gemma’s and he let out hot little puffs of air over her hands before rubbing them, warming her up. “Better?” he asked her.

A soft laugh escaped her lips as she leaned in to plant a gentle kiss upon his cheek, and then she replied, “Yeah.” As she sat back, she advised, “You should probably start the car. That might’ve helped too.”

Niall laughed and rolled his eyes. Gemma was always so practical. She pointed out little things that he missed, but sometimes she just needed to relax. Niall was good at getting her to do just that. He knew what to say or how to hold her or touch her to get her out of her own ways, to get her “un-stuck” so to speak. They rarely fought and when they did it was resolved; as perfect complements in personality, they found a way to work around everything that was tossed their way.

It was easy for Niall to put the car into gear and begin to drive back towards his parents’ home, where they were staying just the night until they went to stay with Gemma’s mum after that for Christmas. The snow wasn’t much of a hindrance for him; he’d had practice driving in it before and he’d already heard Gemma’s extensive _be careful I don’t want you to die in the snow_ lecture. Niall knew he had it down pat.

Just a few blocks away, her hand began to slide over his thigh, gliding higher. “W-what’re you doing!?” he squeaked out, his voice cracking and raising as he felt a shiver run down his spine. Gemma rarely touched him like this while he was operating a moving vehicle. If she did, it wasn’t _so_ high up that he found it hard to concentrate.

“You know,” she smirked, her dimples showing through the darkness as he drove under streetlights. “There’s an old rumour that a girl will get pregnant if she has sex in a car…”

Niall nearly spun the car out in shock. They’d been trying for a baby for a few weeks, taking full advantage of any alone time “just to make sure” it worked. He stopped the car on a street that saw very little traffic, pulling over towards the kerb so they wouldn’t disturb traffic. He put on the emergency brake and looked over at Gemma in surprise. “You… right here? Now?” he stammered.

“Don’t look so surprised,” she giggled. Gemma reached out to slide her fingers through Niall’s soft hair, the blonde tips still making her smile even if she’d ridiculed them back when they first met. She’d been hooked on the dyeing-the-hair trend after meeting Lou, and she kind of understood. She’d been blonde ever since Lou Teasdale talked her into it. It was addicting. “It’ll be fun,” Gemma insisted before pressing her lips to Niall’s.

The kiss was absolutely sinful, and he groaned as his eyes fell closed. It was moments like that where Gemma was the one that took the lead. Niall liked when she’d kiss him, all lips and tongue but still languid and lazy. She teased and taunted and turned him on with very little effort. He smiled into the kiss as he heard the soft _click_ of her seat belt. She turned in the seat, her hand sliding further into his hair, cupping his head at the back of his neck.

Sometimes, Niall could be awkward, and it was obvious that sex in the car would be one of those moments. It wasn’t like at home, in bed where he could cover her body with his own, consume her in his warmth and hold her as tenderly as he wanted. No, in the car he had to reach, he had to pivot around the gear stick in the centre and try not to hit the car horn as he turned to face her a bit more full on. He’d even forgotten to unfasten his seat belt.

Their tongues touched and Gemma giggled into the kiss, making Niall’s heart flutter with love. He’d never get over how adorable yet sexy Gemma could be all at the same time. Her hair tickled, and it was damp where the snowflakes touched it before they’d gotten in the car. Niall pushed a few strands further out of her face and was seconds away from leading her into the backseat when it happened.

A sickening crush and a split-second jolt was the only warning he had. A truck’s emergency-break squealed and shouted as snow scraped against the tyres, ice slicking the path so the truck couldn’t stop. Niall’s little sports car had no chance. His own body shot forward, head hitting the steering wheel with upsetting impact. But Gemma – Gemma had it worse.

Her body flew forward over the dashboard just as Niall’s had, but it didn’t stop. She kept going, head hitting the thick glass of the windscreen with such force that it shattered, shards flying everywhere, scratching and piercing skin. Niall was unconscious almost instantly, as was Gemma.

He couldn’t even see the way her body flew so mercilessly; blood fell from her forehead, her cheeks, every bit of exposed skin as she lay horribly limp on the hood of the car. The driver of the truck hopped out, horrified but okay, and called emergency immediately. It had been an accident; he was panicked as he explained what happened, that his truck skidded out of control and hit the parked car, but worst of all he had no idea if the passengers were okay.

Niall and Gemma both seemed to be breathing, but they were pale and they were covered in blood. Niall’s car was nearly compressed in half, and both lay unmoving, eerily so. The accident was a horrible one, and sirens called out the atrocity of the accident in the calm winter air. Paramedics swarmed in and emergency calls were made as the bodies were identified. A medic ride followed by an airlift brought Niall and Gemma Horan to the best hospital in London, but that might not even be enough. Neither moved the entire time, and nobody had answers.

As to be expected, the media caught wind of it immediately. Niall’s car was recognizable, at least by license plate, even after the crash. Gruesome photos found their way to accompany articles about One Direction’s “it-couple” having been in the crash. Bloodied glass was still visible in one of them, and at that, Harry lost it. Louis was the one to post a rather brutal comment against the website on his Twitter, but it did nothing to quell the horrible pain that everyone, Harry especially, felt after the accident.

Louis didn’t celebrate his birthday, and nobody celebrated Christmas. They all sat in London, taking turns waiting for news. Nearly a week after the accident, a doctor emerged to talk to them.

“Niall should be waking up in the next few hours,” she began. The doctor looked worse for wear and rather stressed out, but she was one of the best and Harry insisted that she care for both Niall and Gemma. Nobody had the courage to ask about Gemma, so the doctor continued woefully. “As for Gemma, we currently have her in a comatose state.”

At that, Harry broke down. His face was buried in his hands and his mum, silently crying at his side, rubbed his back while Louis held Harry around his shoulders. “She suffered a severe traumatic head injury. We’ve done tests and determined that it’s a case of intracranial haemorrhaging from the impact. Until she has healed and the swelling goes down, we’d like to keep her in this comatose state. It will give the brain time to heal and hopefully prevent any damage.”

Harry’s sobs echoed in the hallway. The doctor continued, “It will be best for her, to keep her from any further pain or injury. We’ll monitor her daily to determine when we can take her out of the coma. If you have any questions, myself or my nurses are always here for you to chat with.” Nobody looked relaxed or calm at all, which was to be expected, but to hopefully put them all at ease, the doctor added with a soft finality, “She’s alive, and she’s going to stay alive. Right now, after what she’s been through… it’s really great news. We’re taking care of her as best we can. Gemma is strong, we can see that already.”

“Thank you,” Anne said softly.

The doctor nodded and slowly walked away, leaving the rest to take in the news slowly. Harry took it worst of all, and it was safe to say that One Direction would be taking a break for a while. There were more important things to deal with than a tour or concerts or interviews.

More than anything, Gemma _needed_ to make it through okay without any lasting signs of the accident. Harry didn’t think he could handle it if she didn’t.

Niall was first to wake, but when he did he was groggy and sore. “How are you feeling, darling?” his mother, Maura, asked him as she stood at his bedside. She held his hand and looked positively sick with worry.

“I-I’m… sore…” he groaned. His voice was thick and groggy, hardly understandable through his heavy accent. Niall slowly glanced around and noticed that Gemma was nowhere to be found, nor were Harry or Louis. Zayn and Liam sat patiently at his side looking distressed. “Where’s Gem?” Niall asked, panicked. “’s she okay?”

“She’s alive, Nialler,” Liam nodded, but his voice was low and sullen. Niall knew that wasn’t good.

“I’m going to get you some food,” his mother said, well aware of where the conversation would go next. “Any requests?”

“I want to know what’s going on with Gemma,” Niall replied quickly. His eyes already looked filled with panic.

Sadly, Maura nodded and wandered out of the room with her husband, Bobby. Niall turned quickly to Zayn and Liam, waiting for the news. Being alive and being okay were two different things. “What happened? Someone tell me what’s going on. Please,” Niall begged.

Zayn glanced over to Liam, who looked rather distressed, and then he reached out to pat Niall on the shoulder. “She’s alive, and she’s healing,” Zayn told him first. Niall needed to know that Gemma was going to make it. “It’s just… she suffered a pretty major head injury. Hemorrhaging in her brain and the like, you know? So until it all goes down and settles, they’re erm…” Zayn took a deep breath and then looked into Niall’s eyes with sadness as he said, “They’re going to keep her in a coma. But only for a little while.”

Niall sat frozen still for a moment. _His wife was in a coma._ His eyes grew wet as he thought about it, about whether or not she’d even be able to function when she woke up. A brain injury was a serious thing. “Niall, calm down,” Liam said gently. “She’s okay. We’ll take you to see her.”

“Harry’s gonna kill me,” Niall muttered. He wanted to see her but he was quite honestly _terrified_ of Harry and what he’d say or do. And if Harry didn’t do anything, Louis surely would.

“He knows it was an accident,” Zayn offered, but it was little consolation for Niall. He knew that Harry hid a lot of his emotions and didn’t always tell the truth.

Liam sighed and wandered over to a chair that was sitting in the corner of the room. There was a nondescript duffle bag sitting on the chair and he carried it over to the bed. “Get dressed. You’re out tomorrow anyway, you’re not even on machines. They were just waiting to wake you up,” Liam explained. “You’re going to go see her and you’re going to talk to Harry so you can relax. Gemma’s going to be okay, mate.”

Niall still looked panicked but he did as Liam said because he wanted to see her. He missed her. Niall didn’t even think about how much he had integrated Gemma into his life until that moment, because it was when he realized that she _wasn’t_ there for him to send a funny snapchat to, or someone that he could call at three a.m. while on the road just because he missed her. Or worse, what if he could never really kiss her or hold her ever again?

Once dressed, Liam and Zayn led Niall into a different ward. Louis was in the hallway on his mobile, and he told whoever it was that he’d call them back later as soon as he saw them approaching. Louis hugged Niall, but it felt different than usual. “Glad you’re okay, mate,” Louis nodded curtly.

It was unsettling, hearing how Louis’s tone had changed since they’d last spoken. He nodded towards the door, though, and that’s when Niall walked into the room. He froze just a few feet inside, his jaw dropped and his eyes wet again.

The sight of Gemma, tubes in her mouth and arms, eyes closed and limbs unmoving, was haunting. It was absolutely chilling and Niall could hardly handle it. If he hadn’t stopped the car and if they hadn’t been trying for a child when he _knew_ it was snowy and messy outside – she’d still be smiling and chatting with him, kissing him and living her life. But now she’d spent how many days in a bed. “H-how long…?” he trailed off.

“You two were brought in a week ago,” a nurse told him solemnly. “We don’t know how long she’s going to need to remain in this state. It could be weeks, and it could be months.”

Niall’s breath caught in his throat and he just stared at his wife, so many emotions bottled up inside of him. He vaguely felt the hand of one of his mates rubbing his back, trying to calm him, but Niall couldn’t calm. All the memories came flooding back… memories he’d taken for granted, things he forgot about until that moment. He couldn’t handle it.

*

Niall couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment at which they’d met, but he _could_ remember the exact moment in which he no longer saw Gemma as Harry’s sister. They were finished with a concert somewhere in Australia, near the end of the Take Me Home tour, and Harry and Louis were distracted by something. Niall was fairly certain that the upset was over something pertaining to Eleanor. He usually kept his nose out of that business.

Lou Teasdale, their hairstylist and good friend, usually spent time with Gemma. But this time she was going out with her family, leaving Gemma alone to find plans. As usual, Liam and Zayn were busy as well so Niall was free to make his own plans. He suggested to her that they get dinner and just hang out. Gemma agreed.

Niall wore shorts and a rather casual top, but he looked dressed up at the same time because everything he wore was brand new, crisp and pristine with his hair styled just so. He met her in the hallway of the hotel where all their rooms were located, and he smiled as he watched her emerge in a dress he’d never seen her wear before. Being as they were in Australia, a dress made perfect sense, but her hair was curled and she wore makeup, and she just looked… fancy, like maybe it was a date.

They ate at a private restaurant, their table tucked away from prying eyes, and they sipped at wine as they ate their dinner. Niall couldn’t even remember what it was that he’d eaten, because all he could remember was taking in every little detail of Gemma. She smelled sweet but grown up, not like their perfume and certainly not like any flashy body spray. It was an actual perfume that he couldn’t put his finger on, but he liked it.

Her hair was peachy coloured and looked unusually smooth given all the dying she’d done to it lately. Her smile seemed brighter, pinker maybe, and he didn’t really connect in his mind that this was _Harry’s sister_. This was Gemma Styles, she was her own person, and for some insane reason she was smiling and laughing as she had a dinner with Niall.

Their banter was actually rather adorable, when it came down to it. Niall knew that he was an absolute dork, pulling weird things out of nowhere to say to her, but it caused Gemma to laugh and that’s what he liked the most. She’d laugh, she’d disprove him with one simple sentence, and he’d just smile as he gave a half-hearted argument in response. Conversation was easy, as was smiling and laughing, and at the end of the night as they stood in the dimmed lights of the hotel hallway, Niall went for broke.

At first he’d grazed his fingers over hers, just testing the waters, but when he felt her hand twist forward towards his, the connection between their hands not breaking as she seemed to almost reach out for him in return. He didn’t look at her as he slotted their fingers together, their hands seeming to fit perfectly. “Niall Horan, are you flirting with me?” she’d teased when she noticed his shyness.

He gave her a cheeky smirk when he looked up, and he asked, “Depends. Do you like it?”

Gemma looked around, down one side of the hallway and then the other, and then she bit her lip as though she was contemplating something, something that could get them both into a lot of trouble. “If you think getting me into your hotel room will be that easy, it won’t be,” she offered as a sort of challenge.

“How do you know that’s what I was getting at?” Niall smirked.

Usually, Gemma was fairly certain that she had boys figured out. She had a boyfriend, after all. He was sweet and he was waiting back in Holmes Chapel for her to return. But this was Niall, and he had grown into quite a sexy young man. And now he was holding her hand and flirting with her and it had to mean something. It just had to. She didn’t have an answer to his question, so instead she just said, “I have a boyfriend.”

Niall’s expression never wavered, because he understood at least a little bit about women. They never went after something they didn’t want, or at least that’s what he told himself. And here she was, holding his hand and stepping nearer to him in the hallway. “We’re only holding hands,” Niall pointed out simply. “It’s not as though we’re about to jump each other’s bones.”

Gemma didn’t even hesitate before she asked, “We’re not?”

She looked up at Niall and their eyes met, and this time the air felt thicker. She bit her lip once more, and Niall’s cheeks flushed just a little. “We can’t, remember?” he told her, his voice full of defeat as his smirk dropped.

Instead of doing anything about the desires that he felt within himself, Niall just leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. “Goodnight, Gemma,” he told her with a small smile dancing upon his lips.

He reluctantly slid his fingers out of hers and disappeared into his room. Gemma immediately turned and ran to her room, grabbing her phone. She was determined and secure in her decision. Niall had no idea what was happening until the next morning.

When he woke, there was a commotion outside his door that turned out to be Harry and Gemma having a rather heated discussion. “I just _wanted_ to, okay!?” she exclaimed.

“Gemma… you’re not going to find anyone that just… didn’t care about what I’ve got. Not the way he did,” Harry pointed out.

Confused, Niall stumbled out of bed and wandered to the door. “Oi! It’s early,” he grumbled as he opened the door.

Harry looked completely unabashed at the conversation and the volume at which he was having it. Gemma blushed and looked away, noting just how adorable Niall looked, covered in soft rumpled clothes, his hair a mess. “Not the time, Niall,” Harry sighed.

“What’s goin’ on?” Niall asked, rubbing his eyes as he leaned against the half-open door to his room.

Harry sighed and said, “It’s none of your business,” just as Gemma said, “I’ve split up with my boyfriend.”

Niall’s jaw dropped a bit in surprise at that. Harry threw his hands up in the air, frustrated, and said, “For God’s sake…”

He wandered away into his room where a startled and confused Louis could be heard, ushering Harry in to talk about it and explain what exactly the situation was. Niall’s eyes met Gemma’s and she just shrugged, looking sheepish. Niall was shocked, but he smiled a little at her. “You’re an idiot,” he told her.

Gemma walked towards him with a little shrug, and she said, “I have to know.”

Niall was confused at that. He didn’t understand just what it was that she had to know. But, he was sure he’d figure out soon, especially with the way she was walking towards the door to his hotel room with such determination in her eyes. He stepped back to let her in, and then the door swung shut as he followed her into the room.

Niall padded to his bed and sat down on the end of it, still trying to make sense of the situation. “So… correct me if I’m wrong, but you broke up with your boyfriend. For me,” he said, hoping for clarification, that maybe she’d laugh and say that he was being big-headed, thinking that it was for him. They’d had _one night_ together, and while he was sure that he was crushing on her, no girl was ever that sure about him in return. It didn’t work that way.

But instead, he watched Gemma step closer to him, her lower lip caught between her teeth _again_ , making her look absolutely sexy and adorable all at the same time. Niall’s breath hitched as she reached out, hands on his shoulders as she climbed up above him, one knee on either side of his body as she sat down on his lap, straddling him. “Yes. I did, actually. I split up with him for you because…” she trailed off. Gemma laughed incredulously at what she’d done, and she giggled as she said, “Because I think I’ve finally gone insane. I’ve fallen for one of my little brothers’ mates.”

Niall wanted to speak up, to say that she was probably just _infatuated_ because you can’t just fall for someone like that, but he kind of felt the same way. Gemma was electric, spunky and fun, and she kept him on his toes. Talking to her was always entertaining and she made him laugh and she made him _think_. She was like a fire that was lit beneath him, setting him into this whole knew part of his life where he just wanted to know what was next. What they could do next, or discover together. It had gone from just Niall, to Niall and Gemma, to NiallandGemma, all in the blink of an eye.

Niall could have dwelt on it forever, but instead he had lips on his and he was holding her waist warmly, arms wrapping easily around her thin frame as her mouth covered his. Her hair tickled him as they kissed, falling over her shoulders and then his as she leaned in to hold him around his shoulders, but he wasn’t focused on that. No, Niall was focused on her lips on his, the heavy, hard beating of his heart in his chest, and the fact that all he could think about was how he would be happy if he got to kiss her just like this for the rest of his life.

*

Niall was breathing heavily, trying to stay calm at the sight of Gemma’s limp body lying there on the bed, scratched and stitched up, eyes closed indefinitely. It was haunting. He couldn’t stand the sight. Harry looked worse for wear as he sat next to her bed, holding her hand. “H-Harry. I’m sorry…” Niall began softly.

“It’s not your fault, Niall,” Zayn said, casting a pointed look in Harry’s direction. “It was an accident.”

Harry sighed and looked up at Niall and his voice was so broken and sad as he asked, “Why were you two stopped on the side of a road? Why did you park there? You should have brought her home.”

“I…” Niall swallowed hard. He frowned and then decided to just tell the truth. “We were going to try again. For a erm… a baby.” Harry looked livid and everyone else in the room seemed surprised as well. Niall sighed and confessed, “We’ve been trying for weeks now.”

“You didn’t think to discuss it with the band, first!?” Louis asked sharply. His tongue would always get him in trouble, but in that moment all it did was make Niall shrink in on himself, too scared of Louis to argue back. “We’re _constantly_ travelling. How would a baby fit into that!?”

“She’s got her career. She can’t be having kids yet,” Harry sighed. “And most importantly you shouldn’t be fucking my sister in the back of cars when you could be hit by a truck.”

“I didn’t know it was gonna happen,” Niall frowned. “It-it’s like Zayn said, it was an accident.”

“It doesn’t matter anyway because the band is taking a break,” Liam spoke up. “We decided a few days ago, Nialler. For everyone.”

Now it was Niall’s turn to look upset. “You lot decided that without me!?” he asked, shocked.

“We didn’t know when you’d wake up,” Liam replied, patting Niall’s shoulder to calm him down.

It didn’t work though, because Niall shrugged out of Liam’s touch and frowned as he shook his head, “I can’t believe you’d decide something like that without me.”

“And we can’t believe you and Gemma decided kids were appropriate at this point in our career,” Louis argued sharply.

Upset and angry, Niall rushed out of the room, past Anne and his own parents, all the way outside of the hospital until he sat in a small little courtyard. Niall sat down on the cold concrete, leaning against the building as he buried his face in his hands. And that was it. He broke down. It was so much to take in, so much to have to handle all at once, and he wasn’t so sure that he _could_.

Niall was surprised to see that, out of everyone, it was Zayn that approached him outside. He sat down next to him on the concrete and just rested his arms over his knees casually. Zayn wrung his hands and while he was good with words, they just didn’t come to him in that moment. He didn’t quite know what to say. They were in a tougher spot than they’d ever imagined. “Look, Niall…” Zayn began.

“I get it. It’s fine,” Niall snapped.

“No, you don’t get it,” Zayn replied quickly, but he held no anger in his voice the way Niall did. “I know how you’re feeling about Gemma. Scared that she won’t wake up, and if she does, will she even be the same?” Niall glanced over, because Zayn really _did_ get it. He didn’t speak, and rather just let Zayn continue, “We felt the same way about you. The only difference was, you were out cold on your own accord, Gemma’s not. We didn’t have a clue when you’d wake up or if you’d be okay. I dunno if you’ve checked a mirror lately but you don’t exactly look the greatest. You’ve got stitches on your head and shoulder and you’re bruised like you just got the shit beat out of you. And that’s after a whole week of healing. We were scared, and we wanted to make sure you were fully well before hitting the road again. _That’s_ why we decided to put the band on hiatus.”

Niall sniffled and nodded, but he still felt like absolute shit. He wanted more than anything to be able to just go back to how things were before. But even then, he felt this pit of guilt as he said, “I’ve fucked up the band for us.”

“Hey now,” Zayn chided. “You haven’t screwed anything up.”

“Harry didn’t want me to marry his sister. He said he did but now… it’s like he wishes I’d never laid eyes on her,” Niall complained.

Zayn sighed and ran a hand through his already-messy black hair. He looked stressed and as though he’d been put in the middle of something now, but he replied, “He’s just being protective. He was fine at the wedding.”

“But he’s not _now_ , and he probably won’t be ever again,” Niall pointed out. “I’ve gone and fucked things up.”

Zayn sighed, because Niall was upset and he knew that he wouldn’t fully get through to him; not now. Niall let out a few more tears and Zayn held him round his shoulders, until a nurse came out and said Niall had to get back inside until he was allowed to leave. Zayn led Niall back into his room where Louis sat waiting, and Niall felt a horrible sinking in his stomach. “I’ll leave you two at it then,” Zayn said awkwardly as he turned in the doorway and left.

Terrified, Niall sat down back on his bed and crossed his arms over his chest, almost as though he were trying to protect himself from whatever vicious words Louis would spit at him next. “We don’t hate you,” Louis began, though his tone indicated otherwise. Niall didn’t say a word. He wasn’t quite sure what he was supposed to say in such a situation. Louis sighed and said, “Harry’s scared for Gemma, alright? She could wake up and not know her own name. She could be unable to speak or hear or something. We don’t know, and you know how well Harry handles this sort of thing.”

Hearing the reality of the situation, the effects that the accident could have on Gemma permanently, it made Niall break down all over again. His blotchy eyes ached even more as another wave of tears found their way down his cheeks, and he covered his face with his hands as the weight of it all settled down on him. “’m sorry,” he said sadly. “I don’t want to lose her, either.”

“We just have to hold on to hope,” Louis said as he patted Niall’s back. He inched his way onto the bed and then said softly, “You just also have to remember that Harry’s her family. He loves deeper than most of us can even imagine, and he’s hurting a lot.”

Niall looked up at Louis, a bit hurt, and he said, “I’m her family too, now. She’s my _wife_.”

Louis just frowned and didn’t acknowledge what Niall had said. It broke Niall’s heart that Louis wouldn’t even admit that it was the truth. Louis just seemed unable to speak, as though maybe he didn’t want to say that yes, Niall had married her. Then again, Louis hadn’t quite been supportive anywhere along the line. It was easy for Louis to see the bad things that could happen, versus anything good that could come out of something.

*

“Are you two sure about this?” Liam asked hesitantly.

He looked at Niall, who was wearing his best polo shirt, tucked into some nice black trousers. He wore a bow tie even if it looked ridiculous, because Gemma insisted, and his hair was coiffed perfectly even though it could have used a re-dying of the tips to turn him more blonde. Lou Teasdale was just down the hall in Gemma’s room, finishing some beachy waves of curls in Gemma’s hair, and she wore a flowy white sundress and a crown of daisies in her hair.

“Of course we are,” Niall insisted, gathering his things.

They were in the middle of Australia and Gemma had spoken to Harry no more than twenty-four hours earlier. She’d told him how madly in love with Niall she was, how good for her that Niall could be. She explained that Niall cared for her and respected that she had her own life and her own career. But romantically – they were perfect for each other. They were perfect compliments and nobody would ever argue that one of them was chasing the other for fame or money. Gemma had decided to accept a position at her old school, the University of Sheffield, to teach as a professor. She’d be doing research, making a decent sum of money, and living on her own. But she was madly in love with Niall and now that Harry had given them her blessing, she’d just had an absolutely crazy idea.

“Let’s get married,” she’d begged Niall just earlier that morning.

Niall wandered out of bed and onto the balcony of their hotel room. They had a wonderful view, all ocean and trees and off to the side, green grassy knolls. “Right there,” she pointed to a little private restaurant and resort to the side. It was on the edge of the beach, and it was vibrantly coloured and vivacious, just like them.

Niall chuckled and slid his arm around her waist, the thin sheen of fabric from her nightie barely shielding her bare skin from the electric touch of his hand on her body. She bit her lip and smiled, and then spun around to face him. “I mean it. Right now. Harry says he’s okay with our relationship and just think about it… married in _Australia!_ ” she cooed.

He laughed and kissed her softly, and then looked into her eyes as he said, “I thought you were supposed to be the rational one.”

Gemma beamed and said, “I’m being _quite_ rational. It’ll keep either of us from having a big head and throwing some fancy, elaborate wedding that’s far too posh and expensive. And the media won’t know, and it’ll be plenty private, and _Harry said he’s okay with us, how can you not want to celebrate!?_ ”

Niall knew that Gemma had a point, and that she actually made a lot of sense considering it was such a spur of the moment decision. “Come on! It’s not like they can get mad about a marriage,” Gemma argued, her hands on her hips as she looked sternly up at Niall. “Zayn and Perrie just got married and nobody threw a fit over _them_.”

Niall let out a laugh and pulled her body flush against his. He kissed her again and then hugged her as he said, “I’d love to marry you today. Convince Harry, and I’ll go buy the ring right now.”

Gemma beamed at him and kissed him quickly one more time before rushing out of the room, not even bothering to change. Niall shot off a quick text message to his brother to inform him of what was happening, only to receive a **_congrats bro!_** in return. Nobody seemed mad. Nobody was resisting. When Gemma returned mere minutes later saying that Harry had agreed, they went their separate ways to prepare. Lou and Gemma went shopping and all the lads decided to go with Niall to buy the rings.

It was only Louis who showed resistance.

“What about this one?” Niall asked as he pointed to a ring with a rather large diamond.

“Too gaudy,” Harry shook his head. “This one?” he pointed to another.

“Too posh,” Liam suggested.

Louis crossed his arms and said, “This is ridiculous. You can’t find the right one because _this isn’t the right time_.”

“Louis, come on,” Zayn pleaded. He just wanted everyone to get along. Niall and Gemma wouldn’t rush into something without knowing it was absolutely what they wanted, and he was aware of it.

Zayn turned curiously when Niall didn’t argue against Louis, only to find that he, Harry, and Liam were all crooning over the same wedding band set. “That’s the one,” Harry said reverently.

Liam nodded and Niall handed over his card immediately. Harry had snuck one of Gemma’s rings out of her box to make sure they got the right size, and Niall was right there. Being popstars had an advantage, and within an hour Niall had the rings in a bag as they took a cab back to the hotel. Niall took a little while to get ready, mostly because he couldn’t stop bouncing around so Zayn had to re-style his hair several times.

They wandered down to the resort restaurant first, and Niall was pleased to see that the balcony had been reserved just for them, overlooking the ocean at sunset. He beamed at the small, modest wedding setup, and the fact that the restaurant had gone above and beyond, even finding them an officiant at short notice. “Tip them well,” Louis said grumpily, still being sour on such a special day.

Niall stood with the lads and waited for Lou to arrive with Lux and Gemma. He couldn’t wait to see his future wife, marry her right there in Australia, and begin the next part of his life with her.

When Lou walked in with little Lux beaming with her pigtails atop her head bouncing along with her sundress, Niall’s stomach did a flip because he just _knew_ what was coming next and he couldn’t wait. His heart did a funny little leap in his chest as he saw Gemma walk in, looking as beautiful and as flawless as ever.

She positively glowed as she carried a few tropical flowers tied with a simple white ribbon. Her dress flowed and moved in the wind, and her hair looked so bohemian in little curls falling down over her shoulders. The daisies in her hair only helped, along with the sandals on her feet. Harry walked over towards her and offered his arm, and she blushed and took it as she locked eyes with Niall, and then looked down at her feet.

Gemma had told Niall afterwards that she felt so foolish as soon as everyone was gathered around her, watching her walk down this _patio_ towards Niall to marry him on a whim in Australia. But it was a good kind of foolish, the best kind with that swelling in her chest that felt sort of like a heart attack but mostly just like she was falling for him all over again (her words, exactly). Niall was grinning widely, the corners of his mouth upturned as a smile spread from ear to ear.

Even Louis looked less grumpy when he saw the way Niall and Gemma seemed to _live_ for each other. Zayn stood behind Niall, and Liam behind Zayn, and Louis off to the side with Lou and Lux as Harry led Gemma towards the balcony where Niall waited, hands clasped in front of him and the officiant beaming as well.

Harry flashed Niall a pointed look as he offered Gemma’s hand to him, and Niall took it gently, reassuring Harry in just one glance that he’d take care of his sister, no matter what. Harry smiled and stepped over to stand next to Louis, and they watched patiently as the officiant began the ceremony. Niall wouldn’t remember whatever marriage pish-posh the officiant would say. He’d just remember every detail about Gemma.

The way she worried her lip between her teeth, or the way her eyes danced with happiness as she looked up at Niall, her hands in his, the flowers traded off to Harry when he handed Gemma’s hands to Niall. Her curly hair looked more tamed than usual, and the daises rested delicately atop her head. She was thin and beautiful and Niall couldn’t stop the thrumming of his heart in his chest. “And now, I believe they have vows to say to each other,” the officiant introduced.

“This should be good,” Louis chuckled from the side.

Louis promptly shut up when Harry’s elbow collided rather roughly with his ribcage. Gemma was looked to first, and she blushed as she took a deep breath. “Usually, I’m so good with words…” she trailed off nervously. Niall gave her hands a reassuring squeeze and she regained some confidence as her eyes flickered to Harry, but then never wavered from where her gaze was locked with Niall’s.

“I promise to love you always. Even when it seems hard, when you’re on the road and I’m working and we’re miles apart. I promise to remember this moment, and every moment we’ve shared. And… I even promise to remember one of the very first things you said to me when we got together. About how stupid I was to break up with someone else when I didn’t know if you’d like me back. But it wasn’t stupid, because I guess I’ve known all along. We just had to grow up a little, first. And now, from this moment on, I want to grow up a little more, but _with_ you, instead of _alongside you_ , for the rest of our lives.”

Niall’s smile grew, if it was even possible, and Harry was thankful that nobody noticed the tears in his eyes. He was just incredibly sensitive, and he never thought he’d see Gemma this happy with one of his best mates. The look in her eye told him everything, though, and he knew for a fact that Gemma was head over heels for Niall, even if Harry had opposed at first. He was overjoyed for them. Louis’s hand gently found Harry’s between them as they stood, and Harry didn’t need to look over to know that even if he opposed, Louis was just a little bit emotional as well. Niall was like the little brother Louis had always wanted, and he was happy for him, regardless of the decision.

Lou handed a wedding band to Gemma, who slid it onto Niall’s finger with trembling hands. Whether it was nerves or excitement or something else, Niall didn’t mind. He found it adorable, and it was just one of the many things from that day that he’d remember forever. “And now, for the groom,” the officiant said, and now all eyes were on Niall.

Niall took a deep breath and rubbed his thumbs on the back of Gemma’s hands. His breath wavered just a little as he exhaled, and now it was Gemma’s turn to give him a bit of reassurance. She squeezed his hands just as he’d done for her, transferring him some confidence, reminding him that these were his best mates, and she was the love of his life, and no matter what he said it would be so perfect and memorable and inherently _Niall_ that it would be great.

“When I first met you, I never thought we’d reach this point one day,” Niall confessed. “You were my best mate’s older sister. I wasn’t supposed to look at you this way. But somewhere in those first few years, things changed, and… I dunno what it was exactly, but I dunno if I want or need to know. Because you’re beautiful, and you chose me for some insane reason.” The entire audience chuckled, including Gemma, and she swept her hair out of her eyes with one hand before taking Niall’s hand again.

“Gemma, I promise you that no matter what happens with my career or yours, with Harry or any of the lads… _anything_ … I will be here for you. I’ll love you to the grave. Most people say stuff like “you make me feel extraordinary” on their wedding day, but honestly, you make me feel so normal and ordinary and there’s no greater gift in my opinion. And I promise to love you, one human being to another. Even on those days when you hate me and want to chuck me out on the streets, and even on those days when you send me snapchats and tease the hell out of me.” Everyone chuckled again and Gemma batted at his upper arm playfully as she blushed scarlet.

“I promise to love you no matter what happens, and I’ll remember everything, and I’ll remind you every day why you are so special to me, even on those days when you don’t believe me,” Niall told her confidently.

Both Niall and Gemma’s expressions became sombre, and Zayn handed the wedding ring for Gemma over to Niall. Her hand was trembling a little, but Niall held her steady and kissed the knuckle just above the ring as he lowered her hand, clasping it again along with the other. The officiant said something about the power vested in him or something else, but Niall wasn’t focusing on that. He was focusing on how pink Gemma’s lips were, stained with a bit of gloss but mostly pink from pressure put upon them by her teeth, and she gazed up at him, a smile creeping onto her lips.

“You may now kiss the bride.”

Niall broke out into a massive grin and before he could even make a fraction of a move, Gemma wrapped her arms around his neck and leaped up, her legs bent behind her, and Niall held her waist as they kissed, grinning and clashing teeth just a little. But it was _perfect_.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Mr. Niall Horan and his wife, Mrs. Gemma Horan.”

The crowd was small, but everyone clapped and Lux cheered and jumped around happily as well. Niall hadn’t been happier before in his life. It was a really great feeling. Gemma seemed to feel the same way, and Niall just reached up to cup her cheek, subtly wiping away the tears gathered there before anyone saw. He knew that Gemma hated people to see her crying, after all.

*

Day after day, Niall would wake up and spend every moment he could at Gemma’s bedside. He’d taken to sleeping on sofas in waiting rooms, and occasionally on the chair in her room when he’d forget to find a larger surface on which to sleep. Harry joined Niall whenever he could, but he was also working on a songwriting project with Ed Sheeran that he couldn’t back out of now.

Liam had tried to get Niall to leave, but he could only keep him away for about an hour at a time, and usually only once or twice a week. Usually he’d convince Niall to shower and get a new bag full of clothes, and maybe to do some exercises to keep in shape. Zayn was the most understanding of the group, and he’d end up right there at Niall’s side, massaging the knots out of his back from the previous night’s uncomfortable sleep. Niall didn’t know what he’d do without either of them.

When he woke on a bleary Thursday morning, Niall wasn’t quite sure what to expect when he saw all four lads gathered around him looking antsy. “What’s going on?” he asked as he sat up sharply. “Is it Gemma? Is she okay?!”

Niall stood up and was about to dash away, but he was stopped by Liam’s strong grip. “She’s going to wake up soon,” Harry told Niall, but his tone was difficult to distinguish. “Like, today.”

A grin broke out on Niall’s face for the first time since the accident and he rushed down the hall to Gemma’s room. The rest followed slowly, but they all (including Harry) paused outside the door to the room as they saw Gemma’s eyes fluttering open. “Give her a moment,” the nurse warned Niall. “She’ll need to orient herself to the new surroundings.”

Gemma opened her mouth to speak, but she couldn’t find words at first. She glanced at the nurse, and then over to Niall, and she asked in confusion, “W-where am I?”

The nurse explained that she was in the hospital and that she’d been in an accident, but in larger phrases that made Gemma squint and shake her head. “How do you feel?” the nurse asked after a pause to give Gemma a moment to process everything.

“My head hurts,” Gemma mumbled.

A smile played upon the nurse’s lips as she said, “That’s to be expected.”

Gemma’s gaze wandered over to Niall, and she swallowed and seemed to be thinking hard. “So, when can I go home, doctor?” she asked.

Zayn suddenly understood before the rest what was happening. He closed his eyes and winced, waiting for the worst. Niall was the one to be baffled now, and the nurse said, “I’m just your nurse, sweetheart.”

“I know,” Gemma nodded. She pointed to Niall and said, “I was talking to him.”

Niall’s jaw dropped and he sat down in the chair next to her bed. Gemma watched with confused, curious eyes, and she asked, “W-what? You’re my doctor, right? I don’t recognize you.”

And suddenly, it was as though Niall’s world was crashing down around him. He frowned and shook his head. Words were hard to come by, and he hardly managed to say, “I-I’m not…”

“Well then who are you?” Gemma asked suddenly. She’d always had a quick wit and sarcasm at the tip of her tongue, so it was no surprise, but it was difficult from Niall because the words were what hurt, especially paired with her tone.

“I… Gemma, I’m Niall. I’m your husband,” Niall said, desperately hoping that it was all a joke.

But it wasn’t. Gemma shrunk away from him, tugging every bit of her body as far away from him as her bed would allow. “But I don’t _know_ you,” she said softly.

“Please, Gem…” Niall begged. “It’s me. We got married in Australia, remember? While the band was down there on tour? Harry said he was okay with us and you asked me to marry you right there, that day.”

Gemma was shaking her head and she squished her eyes shut and her hands were trembling as she wrung them and said, “No. No, no, no, I don’t _know_ you. And… and what band? Why would we be in Australia? I can hardly afford my postgrad…”

Niall was breathing heavily, panic setting in, and he was shutting down. It was how he reacted in situations like those. He couldn’t think and he was nervous and he didn’t know what to say. “Can you leave, please?” she asked bluntly. “If you know Harry like you say you do, get him to come in here. I want to talk to him.”

Niall just stood and left, his eyes locking with Harry’s as he left the room and bolted down the hallway. Louis urged Harry to go talk to Gemma as Liam and Zayn promised to go find Niall. They took off after him, but Niall was rather fast. He ran all the way out to that courtyard he’d found the first night he was awake. Sobbing, he sat in his exact spot and buried his face in his hands as he let it all out.

Zayn and Liam flanked either side of him and held him around his shoulders, but it was of little comfort. Niall was completely heartbroken. _Worse_ than that, even, because the ache he felt in his chest, the absolute devastation radiating from every pore, it was more painful than anything he could ever remember. “She’ll remember,” Liam said weakly.

It was no comfort in a time when she _didn’t_ remember, though, and Niall found it difficult to draw comfort from much of anything. Even if he appreciated the way Zayn and Liam looked out for him in this way. “Mate…” Zayn began. He was yet again struggling for words. But, when he found them, he spoke slowly, in what he hoped was a reassuring manner. “These things are usually temporary. I’m sure Gemma will remember you in no time. But you can’t run away, and you can’t give up.”

“She wanted me to go! She doesn’t believe me,” Niall wailed.

“You’re right, but why is that stopping you? Do you remember what you told her on your wedding day?” Zayn challenged him.

“O’ course I do,” Niall replied instantly.

_I promise to love you no matter what happens, and I’ll remember everything, and I’ll remind you every day why you are so special to me, even on those days when you don’t believe me._

Zayn let the words settle upon Niall before he said softly, “You’ve just got to get her to remember. Remind her why she’s so special to you. You can do it, Nialler. You got her once, you can get her again.”

“We’re always here for you, mate,” Liam reminded Niall. “Always.”

Zayn nodded and said seriously, “No matter what.”

Niall gasped and struggled to stop the tears, but when he did, he looked up at both of them and let out a dry laugh. “I must look a sight,” he said as he tried to laugh off the situation.

Zayn just patted Niall’s back and said, “You look like any of us would in your situation.”

Niall sighed and took a few more minutes to calm down before he nodded and said, “I’ve got to go talk to her again. I can do this.”

“That’s the spirit,” Liam said encouragingly.

They all three stood up and dusted off, and then Zayn and Liam pulled Niall into a huge hug. Niall tried to find as much comfort from it as he could, but he knew he couldn’t put it off forever. Whether he liked it or not, Niall had to march back in there, listen to Gemma say repeatedly that she didn’t remember, that she didn’t know who he was, and he had to try to get her to remember everything they’d been through together.

He had to get Gemma to fall in love with him again, even if it would break his heart in the process.

Niall wandered slowly back towards Gemma’s room, and he saw that Louis was waiting outside as Harry spoke to Gemma. Instead of intruding, Niall just waited. He wondered if Louis would comment, say that this is what he got as karma for marrying his mate’s sister, or for not listening to Louis when he said to wait to marry her. But instead when Louis turned to look at Niall, his expression was sympathetic. He reached out to hug Niall, to offer him reassurance, and that was the thing Niall needed most. “I never meant to be an arse, you know,” Louis said, sounding almost guilty as he hugged Niall tightly.

“I know,” Niall replied, his voice just a whisper.

He stepped back to look at Louis properly, and Louis said, “You don’t deserve this. I’m so sorry, Niall.”

“’s not your fault,” Niall replied softly. “You were just lookin’ out for us.”

“She should remember you. She should remember all of us but _especially_ you, and it’s not fucking fair,” Louis sighed.

Niall knew that everyone was taking the situation difficultly, but Louis seemed to be carrying a lot of weight. Harry was upset and worried, but Harry was the one she remembered. _Harry_ was the one that could decide what would happen from that moment on, because he was the only person that Gemma trusted. Niall realized in that moment that Harry could easily convince Gemma that he’s a liar, that they were never married, but Harry would never do that. Niall was pulled out of his thoughts by Harry, who had stepped out into the hallway. “She’s got amnesia, the nurse says. We figure she’s forgotten about five years’ time. She remembers when I went to audition for the X-Factor, but nothing else,” Harry explained softly. His eyes looked red and rimmed with tears, and he said, “She’s asking for you, mate.”

Niall swallowed hard and he felt all eyes on him as he nodded. He wandered into the room slowly, gazing out at his surroundings before he locked eyes with Gemma. She held the wedding ring in the palm of her hand, and with a sigh, she held it out to him. “You should hold onto this for me,” she began softly.

Starting out with those as her first words to him after he re-entered made it very difficult for Niall. He took the ring from her, and as he did it felt like his heart was crushed into thousands of little pieces, the bits scattering everywhere, some crumbling away never to be retrieved. His own wife had just handed back her wedding ring so casually, so offhandedly that it was difficult for him to bear. Niall squished his eyes shut and sat down next to her bed. “So… I…” Niall began, but he was too heartbroken to find words.”

“I’m sorry,” Gemma said sadly. “But I don’t know you. What did you say your name was again?”

Each word stung worse than the last, and Niall had to take a deep breath and will the frustration and tears away as he looked up at her and said, “I’m Niall Horan. I was put in a band with your brother while on the X-Factor.”

Gemma nodded slowly and she said, “I know. He told me that part. But I can’t stay married to someone I don’t know. You understand, right?”

“What if you remember?” he pleaded.

Gemma shrugged and then said, “I guess then we can get married again… the right way.”

 _The right way_.

The words echoed in Niall’s ears and he didn’t know what to say to that. Did she regret what they’d done? Why didn’t she like the romanticism of her own idea, eloping in Australia? Niall felt like suddenly every decision he’d made regarding Gemma was wrong, like she’d secretly hated them all. “Niall,” Gemma said softly, trying to pull him from his thoughts. “I’d never run off and marry someone on a whim. It’s not the way I am. Harry shouldn’t have let me.”

“Gemma, you’re twenty-five. You do whatever you want,” Niall told her.

“I wouldn’t do that,” she insisted.

The conversation was breaking his heart. Niall found it difficult to continue, but he did, for her. “When did we start dating?” she asked curiously.

Niall swallowed hard and hoped that maybe reminiscing would bring her memories back. He told her all about it. Their dinner out, just the two of them, the way she’d broken up with her boyfriend on the off chance that Niall would want to date her. “I wouldn’t do that either,” Gemma said flatly when he finished. “I love Liam.”

Liam, her current boyfriend and _not_ the Liam in the band, had long since moved on with his life, at least according to Anne, who kept tabs on Gemma and everyone else in her life that had once or still meant something to her. Niall felt like the pieces of his heart had just been crushed even smaller, crumbling inside him and leaving him with a hollow, empty feeling. “Please, try to understand for me, Niall. I don’t know you. I can’t stay married to you,” Gemma said softly.

“Give me a few weeks. I’ll try to remind you of everything you’ve forgotten. We have a life together, Gemma. For Christ’s sake, we were trying for a child,” Niall spoke, his voice soft and slightly hysterical.

Gemma withdrew a bit, her legs crossing and her arms wrapping protectively around her. “Don’t talk about that. You don’t know me like that,” she said, slightly panicked.

“I’m sorry,” Niall sighed. “I didn’t… I just…”

“I think you should leave now.”

Devastated, Niall wandered out of the room. He walked right past the rest of the lads, as if he hadn’t seen them. Niall trudged down the hallway, out the doors, and back to his flat where he had to try not to see Gemma in every little corner. And if Liam or Zayn or Louis knocked on the door (and they all did), well… Niall just didn’t answer.

After a few days on his own, Niall wandered back to the hospital, just to check on Gemma. He held out hope that maybe she’d remembered, or that maybe it was all some big, elaborate prank and things had gone far enough and she found it to be time to apologize. But instead, he sat there and she didn’t recognize him, and things were unchanging. “I’m sorry,” she kept saying to him, but he didn’t hear the vindication in her voice, the meaning behind it.

Even Harry seemed sympathetic to the situation as he sat and watched interactions between his sister and Niall. He knew how much Niall loved her, so it was hard to see that she wasn’t returning the love anymore. Harry was always one for peace and love and all of that, like the old soul that he was, so no matter who it was, if they weren’t being loved as they should be or deserved, he was rather devastated.

Niall slept on the sofa again, wondering just when Gemma would be cleared to go home, and if she’d decide to go home with him or Harry. Just as he was dozing off, he felt someone poking his shoulder. Niall nearly jumped out of his skin as he sat up, and Gemma stood there, wrapped in a blanket, as she giggled down at him. “Hi,” she said sweetly.

Something about the shift in her mood had changed; she was smiling and she wasn’t repeatedly telling him that she didn’t remember, that she didn’t know who he was. He was hopeful as he stood and asked, “You remember me!?”

“Well, no,” she frowned, but as she gazed up at him, she confessed, “But I’m bored and I’m not tired and you’re always here, so I figured I could chat with you. Harry says it might help me remember.”

Niall nodded hopefully, and he smiled at her as he said, “Of course. Anything you want to know, just ask.”

Gemma shrugged and wandered down the hallway, enticing Niall to follow. He did, just as he probably always would, and they ended up in the cafeteria. It wasn’t very busy, and there were no hot foods available, but they could get salads or fruits and Gemma seemed happy enough about that. They each took a tray as they went down the line, and Niall grabbed some fruit as Gemma piled her tray with a salad, an apple, _and_ a banana before deciding upon a simple bottle of water. “So… how did we meet?” she asked curiously.

“Through Harry,” Niall explained. He paid for both of their trays full of food and then walked with her towards a table. “On the X-Factor, we both got through. We were put in a band eventually though and when we all got closer, he introduced us to you and your mum.”

“So we didn’t start dating when we first met?” Gemma questioned.

Niall shook his head and let Gemma lead them to a table. She sat down and he joined her, seated across from her, and he said, “No, we started dating about three years after we first met.”

Gemma’s eyes widened at that. “Why did it take so long?”

Niall chuckled a little at her reaction. It was the strangest thing, explaining their relationship to the woman that he was in the relationship with, but he’d do anything if it meant a chance at getting her back, at least in the way he’d had her before. Her friendship was great but more would always be wonderful. “Well, you had a boyfriend, for one,” Niall explained. “You dumped him on the spot after you and I went to get dinner while the rest were out. We were bored and just decided “why not?” and after that, you held my hand and when I woke up, you’d split from your boyfriend. You said you just had to know.”

“What did I have to know?” Gemma prodded with questions.

With a chuckle, Niall took a bite of his fruit and said, “You had to know if we’d work out, I guess. Dunno if you ever really said it. You more just kissed me and that was that.”

“But wasn’t Harry angry?” she continued.

He sighed and nodded. “O’ course,” he explained. “But… I even talked to him about it once and he said that he loves us both but he’s gotta look out for you. Well, he saw how happy we made each other and… gave us his blessing, I guess.”

Gemma smiled fondly, because she knew that was exactly what her brother did. He looked out for everyone before himself, because he was loyal and caring and such a kind hearted person. She looked up at Niall. “I always wanted to marry an Englishman,” Gemma said conversationally. “You must be a hell of a guy if you could convince me to marry an Irishman instead.”

Niall felt himself beginning to grin at that, because it was actually a massive compliment. Not only that, but it was something he _hadn’t_ known about Gemma. Even while she was learning stuff that should have been old hat to her, Niall still managed to learn new things that he’d never been informed of before. He loved it. Modestly, he shrugged and said, “I dunno about that. But you always used to tell me that I could make you laugh harder than anyone else, other than Harry, and that you really liked that.”

Gemma giggled and ate slowly, taking one piece of fruit at a time, eating so daintily. Niall watched her and he was surprised when she requested, “Tell me about yourself?”

So Niall did. He talked and talked, waxing on about how he’d grown up in Mullingar, and he’d always loved to sing, and that music was essentially all he’d ever really focused on. Niall told her about his family, about the sort of things he used to do before he made it big on the X-Factor, and Gemma was smiling the entire time. When he finished, she said, “Well, you’re certainly much different than anyone I ever imagined I’d marry.”

That statement was actually kind of confusing, and Niall looked to her with a bit of a mystified gaze as he asked, “Is that good or bad?”

“Just different,” she shrugged simply.

Niall gazed up at her over the table, watching as she finished her food. She was still just as beautiful as he could ever remember, and it was cute the way she’d gaze up at him through her eyelashes, eyes full of wonder and amusement. When they were finished, Niall said, “Let me walk you to your room?”

Gemma snorted with laughter as they stood, and she said, “That would be so romantic if we weren’t in a _hospital_.”

Niall laughed as well, but kept up the act, almost as if they were actually at a big formal awards show or something. Gemma smiled and her eyes were filled with mirth as they ditched their trays and began walking back towards her room. Partway through, Niall decided to go for broke and he reached down to do as he always used to. Niall scrambled his fingers quickly over her waist and Gemma shrieked.

But giggles didn’t follow as she usually did. Her eyes were wide and she stared at him in shock. “Why did you do that!?” she asked, patting down at her sides.

Niall looked shocked, because he hadn’t realized it would upset her so much. “I was… well, when we… it was just…” he stammered. He always found it difficult to find words when Gemma got angry at him.

“Don’t touch me like that!” she commanded again.

Terrified, Niall nodded and said, “Right. I’m sorry.”

“Go to bed,” she shouted as she pointed to the couch they were standing near to, the one Niall had been sleeping on just an hour prior.

Niall didn’t even get to say goodnight as he watched Gemma stomp away down the hall. She stormed into her room, he presumed, but Niall was left to sulk on the sofa until he fell into a fitful sleep.

When he woke the next morning, Zayn was offering Niall a particularly large cup of coffee and Liam stood to his side. Groggy, Niall sat up and rubbed at his eyes, trying to get a handle on where exactly he was and what he should do next. With a sigh, he remembered the night before and took the coffee enthusiastically. He took a big gulp and then winced as the coffee burned his tongue and throat. “Easy there, mate,” Liam warned.

Zayn and Liam sat on either side of Niall as Niall sipped at his coffee, sighing every so often as he tried to figure out what to do that day. Without the band, the singing and recording and touring, Niall didn’t know what to do in order to fill his time anymore. He was bored, lost, and he didn’t even have Gemma there to occupy him the way he used to. All in all, it was a frustrating situation to be in.

When he realized that Zayn and Liam were there, and that they hadn’t been for quite some time, Niall felt as though something was wrong. He was unsettled and confused and took a deep breath and rested his elbows on his legs as he leaned forward and ducked his head. “Okay, what happened? Why do you two look like you’re about to deliver some absolutely shitty news?” Niall asked harshly.

Neither said a word for a moment, but then Zayn decided to be the one to ease into the reply. “It’s nothing particularly _bad_ mate,” Zayn insisted. He patted Niall’s back and said, “We just… thought you ought to know that Gemma’s moved rooms.”

“She’s staying here? Still? She seems fine to me,” Niall grumbled.

He was bitter over the night before, angry that one little slip up had Gemma screaming at him at the top of her lungs. They’d never fought like that before, not even before the accident. Usually they got along, and if they didn’t, they could talk through it. Gemma could be quite rational most of the time. Liam frowned, and he replied, “Harry’s moved her to a suite.”

“She doesn’t need a suite, she needs her fucking memories,” Niall spat.

Liam’s eyes widened at just how frustrated Niall sounded. He’d never heard such malicious words come out of his mouth, but he sounded downright _villainous_ with his growling arguments. Zayn didn’t flinch, however, and he patted at Niall’s back as he said, “Calm down, mate. She’ll get them back. You just need to remind her of what she’s forgetting.”

“I’m _trying_ ,” Niall said, his voice sounding tight and desperate. He set the coffee down and leaned back on the sofa. Zayn and Liam’s gazes followed the blonde as he slouched and said, “We talked for hours last night. I bought her some food and we sat and talked. I told her everything about our relationship. She seemed like she was kind of letting on that she remembered bits and pieces, or whatever, so I tickled her, you know, like I do.”

Zayn and Liam nodded. They’d witnessed many a tickle fight between Niall and Gemma, most of which resulted in Gemma giggling on the floor, Niall above her, and a heated gaze at the end of it that led them both towards a single bedroom or hotel room. “She flipped shit. She screamed at me and she keeps telling me that she doesn’t know who I am and that she doesn’t remember me,” Niall said, his voice strained. He closed his eyes tight and he confessed, “I dunno if I can handle this. I can’t keep this up. It hurts too much.”

Zayn had done a lot of thinking lately, and he knew that if he were in Niall’s shoes, he wouldn’t be able to stand it. Perrie was his better half; she made him feel whole, feel happy and carefree even when there was constant criticism coming towards him from every angle. She kept him grounded and calm and Zayn would be a wreck without her. He’d noticed years ago that Niall and Gemma shared that same bond; and now suddenly it was one-sided, met with confusion and opposition from Gemma. Niall was lost and broken and Zayn just wanted more than anything to patch it up.

Liam looked at Niall sadly and just said, “You’ve got to. You made her a promise when you married her. You’re strong enough to see this through, Nialler.”

“I’m not,” Niall shook his head. He leaned forward again, his hands covering his face as he rubbed his eyes, elbows propped on his knees. “I’m not strong enough. I can’t handle this. I’m constantly stressed out or worried or being screamed at. I can’t stand hearing her say that she doesn’t know me. It fucking hurts mate.”

“We know,” Zayn insisted. “She says the same to us and if it hurts for us, we can’t imagine how it feels like for you. But… Liam’s right. You promised her. Imagine her reaction when she gets those memories back. When she realizes all the pain you went through just to keep her, she’ll fall more for you than she already has, mate. And we don’t even know if that’s possible.”

Niall shook his head and said, “I can’t.”

Nobody said a word. Liam and Zayn weren’t entirely sure how to convince Niall that he _could_ , that he was strong enough and that he had the support system. A voice startled them all out of their daze, and all three of them looked up at the familiar form.

“You’ve got to.”

Louis stood immediately in front of Niall, his arms crossed and his gaze strong. Niall looked up, his eyes wet with tears, and he wanted to protest but he didn’t have the heart. “I’ve got it from here, lads,” Louis said, his eyes still locked with Niall’s as he aimed his words to Liam and Zayn.

They understood completely, and they stood up and left them alone. Louis sat down next to Niall and turned to face him, legs crossed as he sat facing Niall sideways on the sofa. “Look, mate. I get it. You’re heartbroken and it hurts,” Louis spoke, but his voice was tender and soft. He wasn’t brash, forceful, or any traits Louis could sometimes possess rather strongly in conversation. “Nialler, you love her more than I think I’ve ever seen you love someone in your life. You can’t lose that.”

Niall sniffled and looked up at Louis. Everyone kept reminding him of what he’d lost; that’s all it ever felt like. Louis sighed and said, “Okay, look… when you married her, you remember how you felt, right?”

With a nod, Niall said, “O’ course. I could never forget.”

“Well, the thing is, you _could_. Because she _did_ ,” Louis said simply. His words did nothing to help Niall, whose frown grew. “But the thing is… just because it happened once doesn’t mean it can’t happen again. Do you get what I’m saying? Worst case scenario is that she’ll never remember, so your only solution if you want to keep her – and I suggest you plan on keeping her unless you want Harry to throttle you – is that you come up with a backup plan.”

“I don’t get it,” Niall sighed.

Louis tipped Niall’s chin up so their eyes locked, and he said simply, “Stop trying to recover the past. What you have to do is create what you had all over again in this new future. Everything has changed now and I don’t think we can change it back.”

Niall thought about it for a moment and then asked, “You think I should re-make her fall in love with me?”

“Kind of,” Louis nodded. He sighed and tried to explain better, “My point is that maybe instead of thinking of it that way, just keep those memories of her, what you remember about her likes and dislikes and preferences of all that, but… start over. For her sake, act like you’ve just met her. Take her out for coffee, make it casual, and start fresh. Like she’s a new girl you’ve just met.”

“Start over,” Niall repeated, more to himself than to Louis.

“Exactly,” Louis insisted. “Trying to refresh old memories could be a waste of time. Why not use that time starting over instead? Build a new relationship. Because if those memories are lost forever, at least you’ll have new ones to replace them.”

Niall nodded slowly, and he wiped at his eyes before he looked up at Louis. “I always thought you hated me and Gemma together,” he admitted softly.

“I was worried about you guys. But… I always kind of knew things would work out, though,” Louis told him. “And I’ll help you get through this in any way that I can.”

Niall had no words. After hearing that Louis was supportive and always had been, Niall felt a whole new wave of relief. He reached out and pulled Louis into a massive hug, which Louis was happy to reciprocate. He patted Niall on the back and said softly, “I love you guys, mate. I just want you two to be happy, yeah?”

Niall nodded and sat back, dabbing at his eyes. “C’mon, let’s go visit Gemma again,” Louis suggested.

He stood up and Niall followed, hoping for the best.

Gemma was set up in a fancy looking suite in one of the recovery wards, and Niall was happy to see that she was back to her usual self, at least clothing wise. She wore flowing shirts and her hair was in a braid over her shoulder, and she was smiling as she talked to her mother. Harry sat with them and they all laughed and had the time of their life, looking as though nothing was wrong.

It was hard for Niall to see, but at least she was making progress. When he stepped inside, the laughter stopped. Gemma’s eyes locked with Niall’s and her smile fell, but she didn’t glare like she had the night before. Instead, she just gave him a pleasant, short smile and nodded. “We’ve been speaking, Niall,” Anne said kindly as she ushered him in. She sat him down on a chair next to Gemma’s bed and she said proudly, “Gemma has decided to go back home with you, to see if maybe it will help refresh her memory. Besides, all of her things are there, so it’s the perfect place for her to be.”

Gemma almost appeared to be nervous as Niall turned back to face her, and his face broke out in a wide grin. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all day,” he said honestly. It brightened Gemma’s smile, hearing that, and Niall asked, “When does she get to come home?”

“Tomorrow,” Gemma told him herself.

Niall grinned even wider at that, and all of a sudden things didn’t seem so bad. Paired with the fact that Niall was going to come at the situation with a whole new approach, things suddenly seemed a whole lot brighter.

That evening, Niall left with the lads to get food, but only after promising Gemma that they’d bring her back something delicious. Niall promised, and he even said he knew what to get her before she could spell it out for him, and he was shocked when she just allowed it. Gemma waved them goodbye and then went into her final psychiatric checkup of her hospital stay.

“So Gemma, how are you feeling? Are you still having pains?”

“No, my body feels better,” she said as she shook her head and looked earnestly at the nurse.

“I’m glad to hear it. And your head? How are your memories?”

“Still gone,” Gemma commented. Even after weeks of therapy with exercises that were supposed to bring her memories back, she was having no luck. Her face fell at that, and the nurse picked up on it.

“Let’s talk about that for a moment. How do you suggest we go about trying to get them back? Do you have a plan?” the nurse asked gently.

Gemma shrugged. She felt bad because she knew that Niall was always upset when she couldn’t remember what she wanted to remember. She was frustrated that she seemed to be letting him down. After a pause, she replied, “I’m going home with Niall. He says I’m his wife.”

“He loves you very much,” the nurse nodded.

With a frown, Gemma said, “I know… but I don’t know who he is. I can’t just love him back.”

“No, you’re right,” the nurse insisted. “But you can open up and trust him. You wouldn’t have married him if he wasn’t trustworthy. Even your brother has said that.”

With a nod, Gemma agreed and said, “It’s just hard to be alone with someone that’s a stranger to me.”

The nurse had a knowing look on her face and she said, “One of the night cleaners informed me that maybe he’s not as much of a stranger as you keep insisting he is.”

Gemma’s eyes widened and her cheeks tinted red as she realized that someone had seen her and Niall eating a mid-night snack together. “He’s not a _stranger_ , but I don’t feel comfortable being alone with him,” Gemma said simply.

“And that’s okay. But we’re all like that with new friends. You have to let him in and chat with him and then it’ll all start to make more sense. Even if you don’t remember, at least you’ll begin to maybe see what it is about him that made you fall for him in the first place,” the nurse explained.

Gemma worried her lip in her teeth and considered it. Then she said softly, “What if I never get the memories back?”

“That’s always a possibility,” the nurse conceded. “But even if they don’t, blocking him out also means you’ll never be able to create _new_ memories with him.”

With one final nod, Gemma thanked the nurse for all she’d done for her, and they shook hands before hugging and bidding each other goodbye. Gemma spent her last night in her hotel suite, cozy in bed but squirming around in the pyjamas Harry had brought her. He’d insisted that they were hers, but Gemma would never buy something so uncomfortable, she was sure of it.

When she woke, she wasn’t very well rested but she tried to go into it all with good spirits. The whole band (she still couldn’t believe they were a world famous _band_ ) along with her mum showed up to see her off. Niall was grinning from ear to ear and Harry gave her a big hug. “I’m proud of you, Gems,” he said. “Love you lots.”

Gemma smiled and said, “I love you too, Harry, but you’re strangling me!”

Harry laughed as he let her go, and he warned, “Social media might be a bit of a heyday. I’d avoid it if I were you.”

“Why?” she asked curiously.

“He’s gone and told the world you’re free today, that’s all,” Louis said mock casually, a mischievous grin on his face.

“Why would anyone care?” Gemma continued.

Niall laughed a bit now, and the rest chuckled as he explained, “Harry’s fame has kind of passed on to you. You’ve got fans. Y’know, thousands of followers on Twitter and Instagram and stuff. They’ve been asking us about you since the accident, and they’ll be happy to see that you’re out.”

Gemma was shocked that anyone would want to follow boring old her. It was hard to wrap her head around. She nodded, surprised, and said, “O-Okay. Avoiding social networking, then.”

“There’s a good girl,” Anne smiled and hugged her daughter. “I love you. Niall’s going to take good care of you but you call me anytime you want, darling.”

“I’ll be fine, mum,” Gemma insisted, even as she hugged her mum closer. Gemma wouldn’t admit it, but she was extremely nervous to see this home of hers – this place she shared with Niall, a man she believed she’d only met recently. “Thank you all for sitting around with boring old me.”

“Anytime,” Louis insisted.

“We’re always here for you,” Liam added.

“Yeah. Call us if you need anything, okay?” Zayn asked.

Gemma nodded to all of them and gave her mum and Harry one last hug before she walked over to Niall, who was holding her bag for her. “I’m ready,” she said softly, gazing up at Niall.

He really _was_ handsome, there was no denying that, but he seemed young. Maybe it’s because she’d asked Harry his age and it turned out to be the absolute wrong question. As soon as she knew the number, he instantly looked younger to her, a glaring red flag in the plan. But she would go home with him anyway, because the place was half hers after all.

Niall had the urge to take her hand in his own the way he’d done so many times before, but it was different now. He couldn’t. Everyone went their own way in the car park and Niall led her to his car. “So you bought a new one after the accident?” she asked softly.

After he put her bag in the trunk, he opened her door for her and said, “No. It’s just lucky that I have several.”

Niall climbed into the car to be met with a very confused looking Gemma. “I just don’t understand why I was so much worse off than you. Why was I different? I’m not _that_ tiny,” she pointed out.

With a sigh, Niall turned to face her, the car still parked and shut off. “Well… you weren’t buckled in. I was,” he explained slowly.

“But I wouldn’t -,” she began, but he cut her off.

“You wouldn’t, I know. You never did. We were parked that night, and you unbuckled because we had other plans,” he explained slowly, not wanting to be too blunt and ruin things.

Gemma understood anyway, and her jaw dropped. She blushed scarlet and looked away. “Why?” she asked.

“We were trying for a baby,” Niall explained.

“I don’t want a baby at this point in my life,” she said firmly.

Niall nodded. As much as he wanted to get upset, to insist that at one point, she _had_ , he knew that this was different. This was now. So instead of arguing with her, Niall decided to just be sympathetic. “I can imagine you wouldn’t, considering you’ve been set back five years and you don’t know who I am now,” he shrugged. “And that’s okay.”

“You’re not mad?” she asked softly.

Niall looked at her, a bit incredulously, and asked, “Why would I be mad? Gemma, I might wish you remembered what we had, but I understand that this is hard for you. I’m not going to push it on you. And I certainly wouldn’t expect you to have a child with someone you see as a perfect stranger.”

Gemma looked a bit shocked. She just stared at him for a moment, open mouthed, and then nodded. “Thank you,” she said.

Niall flashed her a smile and said, “It’s no problem. Home, yeah?”

With a nod, Gemma said, “Yeah. Let’s go home.”

The word felt wrong in her mouth, stale and like it didn’t really belong. But home was home whether she remembered it or not. It was the first big step to moving forward with her life, and it was what she had to do. And deep down whether Gemma would admit it or not – it was what she _wanted_ to do.

When Niall parked outside a posh looking flat in a gated community just outside of London, she stared with wide eyes out the window and up at the building. “We live _here_?” she asked, shocked.

Niall laughed and said, “O’ course we do. You married a world famous pop star.”

He climbed out of the car and gathered her bag, expecting to find her gaping at the new home from the sidewalk. Instead, she was still sitting in the car, forehead pressed against the glass. Niall snorted and wanted to keep laughing, but Gemma noticed that he saw, and she sat back, flustered. He opened the door for her and she climbed out, and Niall carried her bag and led her into the building, every moment difficult because he had to refrain from holding her hand the way he’d done hundreds of times before.

They got in the lift, stood awkwardly as they were brought to the top floor, and then Niall led her to the end of the hallway. He unlocked the door and pushed it open, gesturing for Gemma to walk inside first. She did, ever so slowly, her eyes widening and her jaw dropping as she took a good look around. It was immaculate.

The place was very modern; it had to only have been a few years old. Had Niall rented it new? Gemma liked the thought of a flat that nobody else had lived in. The windows were wide and sprawling along the wall that met the balcony, and there were plants and a grill perched out on the balcony along with a small table for when the two of them would eat a nice grilled dinner, most often eaten by candlelight.

A large flat screen television was mounted on the wall by the sofa, and Niall had guitars lining a whole desk corner where he had all the best technology set up. “If you’re a pop star with four other lads, why does it look like you have your own recording studio?” Gemma asked curiously.

Niall shrugged. “Sometimes I like to record little ideas I get. I send them to the producers and writers and see where it goes. One of the riffs I came up with is in our newest song, Story of My Life,” Niall explained. “It’s just kind of a hobby. I sing. Guitar is just a… side project, I guess.”

“It’s very neat. And you can balance sounds or something with this?” she asked, fingers grazing over the sound board perched next to Niall’s massive Apple computer monitor.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I mean, I’m no pro, but I’m learning. I can’t sing forever, I figure, and I want to be able to…” he trailed off, because he’d been about to say _support our future family_. Instead, he just said, “It’s nice to know I have something to fall back on when One Direction ends.”

“But you don’t want it to end,” she pointed out. “Nobody ever says it _has_ to end.”

“It will, eventually,” Niall shrugged. “I mean… everyone in the band wants a family eventually. We’ve got time, but we can’t wait forever. Before the accident… we didn’t feel like waiting at all.”

Gemma frowned and bit her lip. She shook her head and said, “I just don’t understand. Why would I agree to that when I knew how much it would hurt the band and my brother if having a child fucked up the plans?”

Niall hadn’t been expecting to have the conversation so soon. Maybe it wasn’t the right time. He knew he’d have to tell her eventually, but the entire situation was so new. The first time around, the decision had been made for a very specific reason, after some very big news. But the news had devastated Gemma the first time around, it could only get worse from that point on. So, instead Niall just sighed and said, “I guess maybe that’s the one good thing that came out of the accident, then.”

She eyed Niall strangely, like she didn’t quite believe what he’d said or why he’d said it, but she didn’t want to push it. Gemma was still taking in the sight of Niall’s flat – no, _her_ flat, as well – and it was wonderful. She padded down the hallway and spotted the guest bath, and then at the end of the hallway, the only other door to be found, was the master suite.

Their bed was _huge_. Gemma had never seen a bed so large, and she really just wanted to leap right onto it and jump around. A crude thought passed through her mind that she already had jumped around in it, or rather _bounced_ around in it, with Niall, and she stood back. When Gemma felt Niall’s presence behind her, she bit her lip and asked, “We sleep there, together?”

“Yeah,” Niall nodded. He could tell that she was nervous, so he offered, “You can sleep there alone if you’d rather.”

Gemma turned to look at him gratefully, and then decided to tease, “What? Am I still a kicker?”

She’d always kicked in bed, as Harry had often whined to her about, and Gemma knew that one day she’d have to meet a very patient man in order to share a bed with her spouse. Niall let out a laugh and he said, “O’ course you are. Why do you think the bed is so huge?”

That brought a smile to Gemma’s lips, and Niall felt accomplished. “I’ll get me some blankets and pillows for the sofa. I know I’m still a stranger to you, so I don’t mind if you’d feel better sleeping in here alone,” he explained honestly.

Gemma smiled gratefully, and said, “Thank you.”

With a nod, Niall left the room, and Gemma let the inner child come free as she took a running start. She leapt onto the bed with impressive height, and when she landed on the mattress she closed her eyes and just took in the feeling of such a comfortable bed. Before the accident, she’d been living in heaven, she decided. Niall was a sweetheart, and the bed was comfortable, she had her master’s degree, and Harry even told her that she got to travel the world with him. It was all so much to take in.

Desperate for a touch of normalcy, Gemma rolled over on her bed and pulled out her phone. It was complicated, far fancier than she’d ever had five years ago, but the code was the same as it always had been for anything that required four digits – her birth date. Gemma awkwardly navigated through her phone and as she got lost in discovering all the new things on it, she slowly forgot the little things, including one fact in particular: she was actually rather famous now.

She dabbed her finger once on the Twitter icon, and again on the Connect icon, and she nearly had a heart attack when she saw all the mentions.

 **@GemmaAnneStyles** I heard you just got out of the hospital yay I’m so happy! Follow back please?

 **@GemmaAnneStyles** The Daily Fail says you can’t remember Niall. If you divorce him I’ll kill myself!

 **@GemmaAnneStyles** y did u survive no1 cares harry is the famous 1 not u

 **@GemmaAnneStyles** your my idol im so glad your okay please follow back pleeeeease!!

The page went on for what seemed like forever, full of messages ranging from _I love you so much I’m so glad you’re okay_ to _I wish you had died_ and it was hard for Gemma to wrap her head around. She was so overwhelmed and she knew she shouldn’t have opened up Twitter but she couldn’t help it. It was habit, and old habits die hard. Especially when she wasn’t used to the way she’d had to change things.

Tears sprung to her eyes and she felt weak and angry, so in protest she threw her phone against the wall. Seconds later Niall sprinted into the room and saw her iPhone in pieces on the floor and Gemma crying on the bed. He rushed towards her but she held out her arms, “No! Don’t!”

Gemma wrapped her arms around her body and Niall froze. “What’s going on? What happened? Gems, I’ll fix it. I promise,” Niall pleaded. “I… I won’t touch you, just tell me what’s wrong.”

Usually when she was upset, he’d just wrap her up in a hug and most of the time he could sing her something to calm her down. But this time he couldn’t do any of that so he was at a loss, and he hoped his pleading might be enough to convince her to talk. Thankfully, it was. “I… I went on Twitter,” she began before another sob wracked her body.

Niall didn’t need more explanation than that. He picked up her phone and set it aside, determined to bring it to the cell provider tomorrow to get a new one for her. Then he sat down at her bedside and asked, “Why did you do that?”

Gemma shrugged and wiped at her eyes, avoiding meeting Niall’s gaze. “It’s an old habit,” she confessed.

He nodded in understanding and said, “I get it, yeah. I did the same before I got used to avoiding it. Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us.”

She shook her head and said, “I should have known.”

“And how could you?” Niall asked curiously. “I mean, aside from being warned not to do it, there was no way you would have expected the horrible stuff, is there? None of us _expect_ it, it just sort of happens. What did they say?”

“Some were really nice,” Gemma explained sadly. “B-but others said they wished I’d died, or that they’d kill themselves if we divorced because of this. The Daily Mail found out I can’t remember!”

She was mortified that someone would find out such a shortcoming as forgetting her memories of the past five years. It was beyond humiliating and now it was circulating around who knows how many countries, telling them all of the results of her accident. Worse even, was that she had no idea who sold her out and told them in the first place. Niall looked angry, and he said, “I’ll be right back.”

Gemma nodded and let him go without protest. She turned on her side and gazed out the window as her tears began to slow and subside. Niall called up his management company immediately, telling them of the leak, how Gemma was mortified at the exposure of her brain trauma, and at the threats they were receiving. “You can tweet about it,” they told him.

“If I fuckin’ tweet about it, I’ll say the wrong thing! I just want to bitch at everyone but I’m no Louis. I can’t do it,” Niall ranted.

“Okay. We’ll have someone post on the One Direction account. They’ll stay calm and they won’t start a fight,” Niall was told. “Just… go check on Gemma. Tell her that we’re getting everything under control. We suggest staying in for a few days, make it look like the two of you are celebrating being back in your own flat. That should quell the divorce rumours for a little while.”

Niall agreed and hung up the phone, and when he walked back into the bedroom to tell Gemma what he’d done, he paused. She was still – _very_ still – and there were no more sobs. He wandered to the opposite side of the room so he could get a good look at her face, but she was asleep. Niall smiled at how peaceful and relaxed she seemed to be. Gemma looked so tired, and so much like herself before the accident, and for a moment Niall completely forgot that she’d lost her memories.

He leaned in to press a soft kiss to her forehead, and he noticed as he pulled away that there was a soft smile playing on her lips as she stirred just a bit. He draped a quilt over her so she could nap in peace, and then he went into the other room to strum softly on his acoustic guitar. For just a moment, things felt normal. Niall was so relieved for the temporary pause in all of his problems. He could just focus on his music, and of the silent companionship that was Gemma in their bedroom, and he smiled just a little as he hummed along with his made-up melody.

When Gemma woke from her nap, she rolled over onto her back and tried to orient herself. She’d forgotten where it was that she was staying; it took her a moment to recall that this was apparently her flat, with her husband, and it should have felt like a bigger deal than it did. She sighed and closed her eyes as she woke slowly, and when she did she heard a faint melody coming from the living room. Niall was playing guitar. Gemma tried to ignore that part of her brain that screamed out and said to her _you know this song!_ and instead she slowly wandered out. She stood at the doorway between the hall and living space with a smile, tugging at her shirt and watching as Niall played and sang softly, probably just to himself he thought.

When he heard her stumble over her own two feet as she shifted, Niall paused from what he was doing and looked up. “O-oh, sorry. Did I wake you?” he asked nervously.

Niall set the guitar aside and Gemma spotted the red flush on his cheeks. “No, it was nice. You’re very good,” she commented coyly as she wandered into the room in her bare feet.

That caused Niall to smile rather widely, because she always used to say that she loved waking up to Niall playing music in their flat. Some things never changed, apparently. Gemma walked closer and leaned against the desk as she looked down at Niall. There was a pause in which they both just gazed into each other’s eyes, and it was all the reminder Niall needed; he remembered _everything_ when he looked into her eyes, even if they didn’t hold that sparkle of love like they’d used to. And the memories were happy, so he was happy. When Gemma spoke, Niall was a bit shocked at what he heard coming out of her perfect, pouty lips.

“I’m so sorry, Niall. For everything.”

He shook his head and this time met her gaze with confusion on his face. “Sorry for what?” he asked quietly.

Instantly, Niall’s brain began to rush towards the worst ideas imaginable, all the worst case scenarios like perhaps she’d given up, or maybe she just wasn’t comfortable in their flat. Maybe she didn’t find him as handsome or charming as she once had; timing was everything, after all. Niall had learned that on the X-Factor.

But instead, Gemma just tucked her long hair behind her ear and said, “I’m sorry I can’t remember. I’m trying so hard.”

Niall let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding; that wasn’t nearly the worst thing she could have said. In fact, it was actually quite sweet. “You don’t need to apologise,” he replied, his voice just as soft in their still, private flat. “You haven’t done a thing wrong.”

“I feel like I’m not trying hard enough,” Gemma confessed.

Niall could see the twinkle of tears in the rims of her eyes, and he wanted so badly to just pull her into his lap, to give her some sort of comfort, but he refrained. “You’re trying plenty,” Niall said to her, hoping to encourage her to keep trying. “It won’t all come back in a day. And… maybe it won’t come back at all. But you’re here and you’re trying and you don’t know how much that means to me.”

Gemma smiled but the tears remained. She blinked and her long lashes urged one tear down her cheek. There was a glow about her; something cute that he couldn’t remember ever seeing before. “You’re a really nice guy,” she commented. “Harry was right.”

“Was there ever any doubt?” Niall asked, a bit cocky with it.

Gemma let out some laughter and her tears seemed to dissipate, wetting her lashes but not her cheeks. She was still smiling as she said, “Well, you _are_ an Irishman.”

Her cockiness was back. Gemma was becoming herself again, not some scared cautious version of who she had once been. Niall felt immense pride that he could pull that out of Gemma, bring her back to the woman he loved so wholeheartedly day in and day out. He stood up and Gemma just watched him this time; she didn’t shy away like she had in the past. “You know what?” he said to her softly.

Niall stood in front of Gemma, just close enough that it was almost too close, but with Niall it just felt right. Something in her brain kept telling her that _this is okay_ and _you can trust him_ but it was unnerving because she didn’t know why she was having such thoughts. Gemma didn’t shift away though; she liked the feeling of Niall’s strong body so close to her own. “What?” she asked, her voice coming out in just a whisper as she was filled with intrigue.

With a grin, Niall said, “Who cares about the memories you’ve lost?” Gemma looked shocked, and he shrugged as he said, “The reality of it is they may never come back. And if they don’t, I won’t be mad. I promise. But maybe if you don’t try as hard, or don’t try at all, they’ll just… slip back before you realize it. And until then, if that day ever comes, we can just… start over.”

Gemma was a bit shocked that Niall would say something like that; she thought it was just something she’d discussed with the therapist, and that Niall wouldn’t be on board for forgetting all the years of memories they had. “Are you serious?” she asked hopefully.

“I am,” he nodded. Niall looked at her with a small smile and said, “I don’t want you to spend all your time focusing on getting those back when you have a life to live. You have so much to do, so many people to see, and I just… I don’t want you to forget to move forward.”

And for the first time in a long time, Gemma reached out to hug Niall, her petite arms sliding around his waist in that familiar way they always did. She liked to tuck herself into his arms, to burrow against his chest and slide her arms under his hoodie sometimes when it was really cold. Niall moved on instinct, holding her in return as his arms draped around her shoulders. He rested his head against hers, his cheek against her forehead, and he hadn’t felt happier in weeks.

Niall wasn’t sure how long the hug lasted, but when Gemma slowly broke away, she smiled and said, “I’ll see you in the morning, Niall.”

She disappeared down the hallway looking happier than he’d ever seen her since the accident. Ecstatic, Niall called up Zayn, the one he’d become closest to during all of this, and told him all about it. Zayn shared him in his excitement and they talked happily about what was next, where to go from this point, and Niall felt confident and was looking forward to the following day and all the days ahead, if it meant Gemma would begin to open up to him.

He woke early, but feeling well-rested. Optimism was a curious thing, he decided. Niall wandered down the hall to the master bath and padded in, glancing once over at Gemma who took up at least two-thirds of the bed; she was the reason they’d bought such a large bed, after all. Niall showered and took his time washing his body, knowing full well that Gemma was a heavy sleeper and enjoyed sleeping in.

Assuming she’d still be asleep, Niall dried off and wandered out of the bath, right into the room and towards his closet as he was completely naked. A squeak alerted him to the fact that Gemma now _wasn’t_ asleep, and she shouted, "Why are you naked!?”

Niall laughed as he pulled out some underwear and slid them on. “Oh come on,” he teased. “It’s nothin’ you haven’t seen before.”

He tugged on a pair of jeans and a plain shirt and then left the room, still smirking. Gemma burst out giggling after a moment, realizing that he had a point. What he’d done was habit, and he probably forgot that she’d lost her memories. But instead of being angry or embarrassed, Gemma didn’t feel that. It was like her brain was processing this without her; she didn’t feel embarrassment when she saw him naked, just surprise, like maybe it had been a while. It was the strangest feeling in the world, not feeling the emotions you thought you were _supposed_ to feel.

Gemma giggled at how ridiculous she’d probably looked and sounded, and Niall’s smile grew on his face as he left the room and heard her laughter. Deciding to do something nice for her, Niall put together an eggs and bacon breakfast with fresh coffee. He knew it took Gemma a while to get ready in the morning.

That particular morning, however, she took twice as long and when she wandered out, her hair was a rumpled mess and she was wearing a pair of shorts and _Niall’s sweatshirt_. “I’m sorry I took so long,” she said softly. “I hated everything in my closet except for this. It’s the only thing I really feel comfortable in.”

Niall just smiled knowingly, and he set out a plate in front of her as she sat at the table. “What’s that look for?” she asked curiously as she lathered her pancake in butter and syrup.

“That sweatshirt is mine,” he chuckled.

“O-oh,” Gemma said, surprised. “I can change, it’s fine, I…”

“Nah, it’s okay,” Niall insisted. “You wear it. And if you want, today we can go shopping. We’ll find you what you’re comfortable in.”

Gemma looked nervous. “Are you sure?” she asked. “What about… _fans_?”

The only thing she hadn’t taken well to so far was the fame aspect of everything. She really seemed to dislike the constant tweets, the threat of paparazzi snapping photos of her wherever she went. It was intimidating and intrusive and Gemma wasn’t so much a fan of it. “I’ll arrange us a private shop somewhere,” Niall said. “What are your favourite stores? I’ll call them.”

Gemma blushed and thanked Niall repeatedly as she listed off her few favourite shops. With a smile, Niall just insisted that he was happy to do it.

He made the calls, set the appointments, and after breakfast that was how they filled their day. Gemma seemed to be in heaven, having private shopping appointments at her favoruite stores. She filled several bags from each store, and her clothing style was much more girly than boho like she’d dressed in the years since their wedding. The only thing she _didn’t_ want to change was her hair. “I love it like this,” she’d said with a fond smile. “Don’t you?”

“O’ course,” Niall replied, but he’d honestly love her no matter what colour her hair.

When they arrived home, Gemma spent the rest of her evening getting rid of old clothes, filling several bags so she could donate them. She kept jeans, basic things like underwear and shoes, but the new tops and some of the new pants really made her feel more at home and more relaxed.

And the best part was that _Niall_ felt more relaxed, because Gemma hadn’t had a problem with holding his hand for the paparazzi or sitting close to him at lunch. But the best part about it all was that Gemma had begun to smile at him more, and this time he saw the start of that twinkle in her eye again, that look that he’d learned had meant _love_. It was almost too good to be true.

It didn’t take Niall long to learn that with memory loss, there were good days and then there were bad days. They’d started out their time in the flat on a good note; Gemma was smiling, had instincts that told here where things were, little things that had come back to her. But when she woke on a Saturday morning, panicked, Niall didn’t know how to help. “I don’t want to be here,” she said sadly, shaking her head. “This feels wrong. This… it’s too much. I need to get out.”

Gemma was trembling, panicking as tears rolled down her cheeks and this unfamiliar place seemed to be too daunting all of a sudden. Harry came to get her, to spend the day with her in London with their mum, and Niall called the nurses right away as Zayn had suggested. All they had to say was that _it was normal_ and that he had to wait it out.

Niall was miserable.

When Gemma returned that evening she was better, but her eyes were still red. Niall wondered what she’d done all day that made her cry so much. Gemma didn’t say a word before she went to the room and changed. She was in bed before Niall could even walk in and ask how her day had been. He had to take comfort in the text message he received from Harry hat night after asking what had gone on.

 **Harry:** just a fit. she should be okay now. Xx

 **Niall:** did i do sumthin wrong?

 **Harry:** no, she just freaked herself out. should be fine now. Xx

Niall took little relief in Harry’s words, though. He didn’t believe them until Gemma woke the next morning, sheepish and nervous. “I’m sorry about yesterday,” she said to him softly over breakfast.

“I understand, no need to apologise,” Niall told her in return.

Gemma looked at him, worried that maybe he’d been insulted or had his feelings hurt when she so adamantly refused to be around him. Frustration filled her every bone, and she stayed curled up watching shit television most of that day. Niall gave her space.

Each day was a struggle; Niall almost couldn’t bear it. But he dealt with it, because he’d promised Gemma when they got married that he’d do all he could to care for her and make her feel special. “You have to do more, mate,” Zayn insisted that evening as Niall sat on the balcony, grilling them some chicken breasts for dinner as Gemma kept watching television. “Take her on a date.”

“I did,” Niall protested, thinking back to the day he’d taken her shopping.

“No, I mean a date where she’s not in the public eye. Something private,” Zayn suggested. “Take her where you went on your first date or something.”

“I can’t do _that_ , we were in _Australia_ ,” Niall pointed out, exasperated.

“So recreate the food and setting in your flat, then,” Zayn said simply. “Or find a restaurant sort of like it here in London. Have a completely different _new_ first date. Just do _something_ romantic or you’ll end up friend zoned by your own _wife_.”

Niall chuckled a little and said, “That would be my luck, wouldn’t it?” Zayn just laughed as well because it certainly _would_ be Niall’s luck. “I can’t do that though,” Niall said. “She’d make fun of me forever. She’d say it’s too cheesy.”

“Well then come up with something else to do. Just… take her out on a date, and be a gentleman,” Zayn suggested.

“Yeah, okay. If she turns me down it’s on you!” Niall said simply.

“Deal,” Zayn agreed, not worried at all about whether Gemma would say yes.

Zayn hung up the phone and sent Niall on his way. Niall should have felt foolish, being so nervous about asking his own wife on a date, but this was serious. Due to all her lack of memories, she could legitimately turn him down for a date. It was a daunting thought, to say the least.

As he sat down for dinner, chicken and rice set out on a plate for each of them along with a glass of Gemma’s favourite wine for both, he smiled across the table at her. “This is great,” Gemma smiled as she sipped the wine. “And this is delicious.”

“It’s your favourite,” Niall said simply.

Gemma grinned at him over the rim of her glass, and she set it down before she began eating, that look of joy never leaving her face. Niall thought that meant that he was doing pretty well, so this was a good time to ask. “So, I was wondering if maybe you’d like to go out to dinner next weekend?” he questioned casually.

The question seemed to surprise Gemma, and she looked at him for a moment before she said, “I um… you mean like, when we went shopping?”

Niall grinned and shook his head. “No. Just you and I… something private, but not too fancy just to make sure we keep the pressure off.”

“Are you asking me out on a date?” Gemma asked with amusement.

“Yes, I am,” Niall replied confidently.

Gemma laughed a little, and she asked, “Is this something cheesy like recreating our first date?”

Niall _knew_ she would say that. He’d always kind of known it, but hearing her say it just reaffirmed the fact that he still knew her, that she hadn’t _actually_ changed after the accident and the memory loss. “Nope, we’re having a new first date,” Niall said proudly.

Gemma had been expecting him to look embarrassed, like he’d been planning to recreate the date, and he’d been a step ahead and already knew that she wouldn’t like that. It was shocking just how well he knew her, how attentive Niall was to every little detail. It made her feel incredibly loved. She couldn’t resist nodding and replying, “Well then, I accept. We’ll have our new first date on Saturday night.”

Niall grinned, shocked that she’d said yes so confidently. Gemma looked so happy, so eager to trust him just as she had been after she broke up with her boyfriend for him. It all felt so right, and this time Niall wasn’t so sure that anything could get in the way of that, not even a bad day for Gemma.

They woke the next morning, Niall wandering into the room from the living room so that he could shower and get dressed, and Gemma lounging about under the covers in her pyjamas. “Big plans for the day?” she asked curiously.

“Not really, no. But I promised Louis I’d play some football with him and the lads today,” Niall explained. “You can come and watch if you want, since I know you don’t like to play.”

Amusement played in Gemma’s eyes as she looked over at Niall. She looked scandalizsed in a playful way as she asked, “And just how do you know that I don’t like football?”

“Have you changed your mind?” Niall asked with a snort. “Do you suddenly like footie now?”

Gemma burst out laughing, because she’d always detested the sport and even she knew she hadn’t taken a liking to it in the past few years. “No, I don’t,” she giggled.

“That’s what I thought!” Niall replied with a smile.

Her smile didn’t fade the rest of the morning, even when Niall took too long in the shower and sang in Gaelic even though both were things that used to get on Gemma’s nerves. Now she just seemed to find them cute and endearing, which Niall liked. He dressed casually but made sure he looked okay, since he was sure they’d be approached by fans, and then walked over to Gemma. “If you feel like going out, you’ve got your credit card and all that in your purse. You can shop or eat or meet up with friends. Maybe take your mum out for a nice meal,” Niall suggested. “Or you can stay here, too. You’re free to do as you please. Call me if you need anything though, okay? My number is already in your phone.”

Gemma looked through her contacts to see whether Niall was right, because she didn’t remember ever asking him for his number. She couldn’t find his name anywhere, though, and she gazed up at him in confusion. Niall burst out into laughter as he scrolled back up to the ‘A’s’ where he was listed as _Annoying Irishman_. “Why would I list you as that?” she asked curiously.

Niall just grinned and said, “That’s what you called me for a while, when I first started flirting with you. I think you thought I was too young, but you still called me an Irish _man_ , so I had hope. You just never got around to changing it, I guess.”

“You must not be that annoying then,” she mused, casting a glance up at him through her long eyelashes.

Looks like those were ones that Niall usually met with a kiss and maybe some playful tickling or touching, but he couldn’t do that anymore. Even so, it felt really good to see Gemma looking at him in that way, with a playful and slightly flirty glint in her eye. Slowly but surely it was as though things were going back to normal. Niall quite liked it.

He made sure Gemma had her keys before he left the flat, positive that he hadn’t forgotten anything. He’d even stuffed some Sharpies in his pocket in anticipation of fans.

After watching Niall walk out the door, Gemma just sat for a moment. Now that she had free time, time during which Niall wouldn’t be hovering nervously, looking out for her and worrying about her well-being, she wasn’t quite sure what to do. Gemma had all sorts of places she wanted to experience for the first time all over again.

She had a favourite museum that she was dying to see again; something she hadn’t seen since they visited the city an apparent five years ago. Gemma leaped out of bed and dressed, wearing a simple pair of jeans and a plain red Henley shirt with some open buttons. Gemma turned to the side to admire her body. She was still getting used to a body that had aged a lot since she’d last recalled herself. She was thinner, taller but not lanky, and she was rather proud of the C cup bra she could fill without difficulty.

Gemma twisted her hair into a simple braid, and put on a thin black headband to keep the flyaways at bay. When she put on a dab of makeup and seemed satisfied with her appearance, she slung her bag over her shoulder and walked out of the flat.

As soon as she was outside, she realized that she was very glad for technology. She had no idea where she was. After consulting Google Maps on the issue, she noted that there was a tube station nearby, and it wouldn’t take too long to hop the tube and make her way into the city. The Tate Modern was waiting for her, after all.

But two strange looks and a short tube ride later, and Gemma was swarmed with people.

“Can I have a photo?”

“How are you feeling??”

“I’m so glad you’re alive!”

“Do you remember me? We met when Harry played at Wembley Stadium!”

Gemma smiled and tried not to show frustration. She didn’t know how her old self used to handle this. Was she really this patient, this willing to waste as much of her time as she was? It wasn’t really a waste, because it meant so much to these girls that wanted photos, but at the same time it all seemed a bit fickle. Gemma wasn’t the celebrity – Harry was. She felt awful that the fame had managed to rub off on her; Harry deserved the limelight, as did everyone in One Direction. They’d worked hard to earn it. All Gemma had worked hard for was a college degree, but she didn’t even have the ability to use that now; she forgot everything she’d learned in her time at Uni.

After almost forty-five minutes, a police officer stepped in and said, “I’m going to have to ask you all to leave the young woman alone. She has places to be, I’m sure.”

Gemma gazed at the old man, who looked stressed but very willing to help, and she flashed him a grateful smile as she offered a soft and flustered, “Thank you.”

With that, she climbed onto the tube, now almost an hour later than she’d intended, and rather hungry as well. But she’d made dozens of girls happy and even though she didn’t recall any of the fame, she felt okay about it. It was a strange feeling to which she was sure she’d soon become acclimated. Three minutes later she was at a transfer station, and then she hopped on the green line towards her stop.

Gemma had memorized the stop last time she was in London; she’d been eager to see the Tate Modern all day, and her mum told her that if she knew how to get there, they could go.

_Blackfriars._

That was the stop. Pleased with herself that she’d actually been able to recall some information, Gemma hopped off the tube and made her way up to the sidewalk. She gazed out at the beautiful city of London, overwhelmed with it all. Harry had told her that Gemma was rather bored with it after being there so much to visit Harry, but she couldn’t even fathom that. London had always fascinated her. They’d lived far enough away during her childhood that getting to be in the centre of it all was quite the treat.

But if she thought that the chaos before with all the fans was something, she _really_ wasn’t prepared for what met her when she reached the street. Police were already there, holding back throngs of eager girls with flashing cameras, and even a horde of paparazzi waited. Gemma bit her lip and froze, looking rather unbecoming, right there in the way. People skirted around her as they tried to exit and get where they were going, but the pavement seemed to be almost entirely cut off.

One rather rude man pushed through the crowd to get to work and that’s when all hell broke loose.

Girls rushed past the police officer and crowded Gemma. They surrounded her, shoving pens and paper and her brother’s CDs and lots of flashing cameras in her face. All of a sudden, Gemma regretted ever stepping outside. She hated the fame and the attention and everything else that came with her brother’s success. Bitterness filled her every bone and she wanted to scream and cry and push and shove but instead she was rooted to the spot, scared and alone even as she was being crowded in the street. Girls were shoved against her body, begging for attention. Some were even crying. Gemma just didn’t understand; she was nobody extraordinary. This shouldn’t be meant for her.

She didn’t know how long she stood there or how on earth anything was stopped. All Gemma knew was that when she could focus again, she was alone, sitting in an office and sipping tea and feeling extremely overwhelmed. Her face felt dry and wet all at once; she’d been crying, she realized. “Are you alright?” a woman asked.

Gemma didn’t know this woman. She looked trustworthy, with her tight chignon bun and her perfectly tailored skirt suit. The epitome of the professional working woman, Gemma supposed she could accept the water from her, and the dab of a cloth at her face. “I’m so sorry,” Gemma told her softly. “I’m sorry to have worried you.”

“Not to worry. Are you better?” she asked.

Truth be told, Gemma wasn’t so sure. But to be polite, she just nodded and said, “Yes, thank you.” After a brief pause during which Gemma tried desperately to remember whether she’d met this woman or not, she flushed as she asked, “I’m sorry, but… d-do I know you?”

“No,” the woman shook her head, not judging in the least. “You fainted on the pavement though and that crowd caught you, but the police brought you inside, away from the mass of girls. Why on earth would they surround you like that?”

It was a great relief when this woman didn’t know Gemma, who she was or what her family was like and did for a living. It was nice to just meet a stranger, to know that her first time meeting them was also their first time meeting her as well. Gemma looked so grateful as she said, “My brother is in a band… One Direction, I dunno if you’ve heard of them? I guess that makes me famous by association, but I wish that weren’t true.”

“Well, they should respect your space,” the woman replied seriously. “We called your emergency contact. The _annoying Irishman_?” she said with amusement. “He’s on his way.”

Gemma paled. The last thing she needed was for the guys to find out what happened, for them to worry and all five of them come rushing in at once. She’d already caused enough of a scene for these poor business people – five world famous pop stars would only disrupt their work day even more.

Just as predicted, the door crashed open and Niall rushed in, Harry right behind him. The other three followed but not as frantically. “Gemma!” Harry and Niall both said in chorus, and they both rushed towards her but froze when they realized only one could touch her.

Instead of standing and greeting them, Gemma wrapped her arms around herself protectively and said, “I’m fine, guys.”

Niall frowned and looked at her with worry. He didn’t know she would have such a rough time alone. “I’m so sorry,” he said to her.

Gemma looked up at them and Harry said rather defensively, “Niall should have let you know to call someone if you wanted to go out. Security would keep tabs on you.”

“I shouldn’t need security!” Gemma shouted, already beginning to snap from the pressure of this new life. “I shouldn’t have to fear for my life when I go out in London alone! I shouldn’t have fans and I shouldn’t be the target of those stupid paps! This life shouldn’t be mine! You’re the famous lot, not me.”

Gemma stormed out of the room and everyone followed after. She huffed when they kept making such a big deal out of it. Of all the people to grab her arm and stop her, she didn’t expect it to be Louis, so when she spun around, ready to slap her way out of their grasp, she paused. Now suddenly she was flustered and dropped her arms as she fixed him with a glare to rival his own. Louis looked positively furious.

“Don’t shout at them. We can’t help it. Trust us, we’ve tried.”

All five lads looked sympathetic and guilty. “We’re sorry,” Niall insisted. He looked so guilt-ridden even if it was out of his control.

“We didn’t mean for this to affect you,” Harry added.

Zayn and Liam felt so terrible they didn’t even try to search for words, and Louis’s eyes met Gemma’s again. “We understand that you’re freaked out about what happened, and those girls shouldn’t have done that to you. Trust us, we’ve all had a say about it on Twitter,” Louis explained. “But you can’t be angry at us for something that we can’t control. Nobody can. It’s not as though we particularly enjoy it, either. We’ve got no privacy anymore, Gemma. So when we offer you ways to keep just a bit more privacy, _take it_. Take the security and take a friend with you. It’ll distract you.”

Gemma sighed and shook her head sadly. “I haven’t got people other than you lot,” she frowned. “I sent off texts but nobody from Holmes Chapel is in London. I don’t know who my friends are anymore.”

The fear and emotions started to bubble up within her. Gemma was certainly not having a good day, and her memories weren’t quite serving her anymore, either. She just needed an escape, some explanation even. _A friend_. She didn’t need Niall hovering around her, hoping for love. She didn’t need Harry who felt this inexplicable urge to treat her like a toddler. What she needed was a _companion_. Someone who didn’t look at her differently now because of her shortcomings, but rather she needed a person that would just listen and understand and start fresh with her.

They all exchanged glances, knowing full well who it was that Gemma needed.

And just as if on cue, there she was. Combat boots, skinny jeans, and a sweater adorned her thin frame and frazzled but perfectly styled hair fell about her shoulders. “You called?” she asked, glancing down at Gemma. “Hey there, I’m Lou,” the woman said as she held out her hand to shake Gemma’s. “I brought my daughter Lux, I hope that’s alright,” she said, pointing to the young girl – now four years old – standing next to her in a pink dress and curly pigtails.

And suddenly Gemma felt relaxed. She felt like this was the person she’d needed. Gemma shook her hand and stood up, happy to see her. “Hi,” she said softly. “I’m Gemma.”

“Good to meet you,” Lou nodded, and Harry shared a confused look with Niall at the exchange.

But Lou knew exactly what she was doing. She’d heard enough from the rest of them when they called. Gemma didn’t like feeling left behind or stuck in the past. So she’d started fresh right from the introduction, and she’d instructed Lux to play a game like Gemma was a new friend that she had to get to know all over again. Lux liked the sound of a game like that and she’d been eager to play along. “I’m Lux!” the blonde girl said happily.

Gemma beamed at her and knelt down to greet her at eye level. “It’s nice to meet you, Lux! Do I get to hang out with you guys today?” she asked.

Suddenly Gemma felt relaxed. She was happy and calm and didn’t feel tense in the least. Gemma felt like maybe things would be okay after all. Lux held her arms out and asked if she could give her a hug, and Gemma gladly agreed. She had a nagging feeling in her brain that she’d met this girl before, been hugged by her like this since the girl was a baby, but she had no idea why. Gemma felt like at the same time, this was the first time she’d met this girl. Memories confused Gemma most of the time.

With a quick goodbye to the lads, Lou led Gemma out of the building and into a black car that was waiting for them. Lux sat in the middle in a car seat and they began to drive. “I heard you were going to the Tate Modern? Still fancy a visit there after we get some lunch?” Lou asked.

And that was that. Gemma smiled, completely relaxed and trusting in this new (or was it old?) friend and her daughter, who held her hand like they’d been best friends for all of Lux’s life.

However, Niall and Harry were particularly worried. Harry went off with Louis, ranting about how Niall shouldn’t have let her out on her own, how he should have made sure she was better prepared for going out on her own – that their lifestyle didn’t really _allow_ for that anymore. Louis just tried his best to get Harry to quiet down – at least while within Niall’s earshot. Truth be told, Louis was rather frustrated with Niall as well. He should have known better.

Niall heard everything, and he sighed in frustration as they walked away. Just as they always had been, Liam and Zayn were right there at his side, trying to comfort him. “I fucked up,” Niall berated himself angrily.

“C’mon, let’s take your mind off things,” Liam insisted.

“How?” Niall asked bitterly.

Zayn just chuckled in that quiet, amused way he did, and said, “We’re going to a pub, of course.”

“But Gemma -,”

“Is out with Lou, and she’s in good hands,” Zayn finished for him. He just looked at Niall pointedly, like he was well aware that his idea was the only good one, and Niall reluctantly nodded.

He followed them out of the strange office building and into the city. To avoid crowds, they hailed a cab right away. Of course some people got photos and Niall just _knew_ they’d see all the emotions on his face, but his fans had hurt his wife. He had reason to show how upset he was. Niall thought he was basically allowed to express his massive array of emotions at this point, because those girls hadn’t respected Gemma’s privacy or personal space. They could have severely hurt her in their bid for an autograph and it made him sick.

Niall sat in the cab patiently as it took them Northwards, out of town and to a private-looking restaurant. As soon as they walked in, Zayn worked his charm and got them into a small, private downstairs space with low lighting and a calming tank full of peacefully swimming fish. “’m not hungry,” Niall grumbled as he sat down.

A waitress brought them waters and asked what they’d like to drink. Liam ordered “beers to go around, something strong and Irish” was his request, and the waitress said she knew just the thing before she walked away. “It’s alright if you’re not hungry,” Zayn shrugged. “But I’m ordering the cheese sampler and I’m going to have a spot of food because _I’m_ hungry.”

Niall sulked and didn’t stop all throughout their first, second, _and_ third rounds. Liam was laughing and seemed to be pissed but happy. Zayn drank and seemed to be amused with Liam, but every now and then Niall would hear him grumble about wanting a smoke or a joint. “I’ll go have a smoke with you,” Niall said suddenly.

Zayn looked shocked, because of the five of them in the band, Harry and Niall had always refused to touch a cigarette. Liam had given in eventually, but only when he was drunk. The waitress came by to ask what they’d like to eat, or if they wanted more drinks, and Zayn told her, “Cheese sampler and another round. We’ll just be out for a smoke. You have a yard?”

“There’s a private deck out that door there,” she pointed kindly. “I’ll have your things ready when you get back.”

“Thanks,” Zayn nodded politely.

The waitress smiled and was happy to please, as most waitresses usually were. As she walked away, the three of them walked to the private deck. Zayn shuffled in his pocket for a pack of smokes and a lighter. He lit one up for himself, handed the items to Liam who lit up as well, and then he passed them to Niall, not quite believing that he’d actually go through with this.

But Niall did; he brought the cigarette to his lips and flicked the lighter like an expert, the end of it lighting up in angry red chars. He handed the pack and the lighter back to Zayn and took a long drag from the cigarette, as though he’d done this a hundred times before. “You alright, mate?” Zayn asked; both he and Liam were watching Niall with worry.

Niall wasn’t eating, he was drinking, and he was now smoking. It would add up to a hangover or sickness or _something_ , but more than anything it wasn’t Niall’s normal behaviour so they knew for a fact that something was wrong. “I’m fine,” Niall sighed. “You know, as fine as I can be, or whatever. My wife still doesn’t remember me and she seems happier with everyone other than me. Runs off and gets mad when I come in to help. It just feels fuckin’ _great_ , you know? Just great…”

After Niall’s little rant, Liam frowned and said, “She’s growing to like you, though. We can all see it.”

“She’s getting used to the idea of me, yeah, but it shouldn’t be like that. She should have never fucking forgot me,” Niall spat.

“Shitty things happen, mate,” Zayn sighed as he took another puff from his cigarette.

Niall was almost done with his own; he took near constant drags from it out of stress and emotion. “Slow down there, Niall,” Liam warned cautiously.

“No,” Niall said flatly. “I won’t slow down. I’m fucking _exhausted_ and I’ve _earned this._ ” He glared at both of them and said, “Every fucking day is like this massive battle. I have to watch what I say. I have to act like I’m walking on thin ice. I don’t know what’ll set her off or if she’ll even want to _look at me_ that day. Some days Gemma starts to act like she remembers, and other days I’m a stranger all over again. And it’s stressful, and it hurts, and you don’t _get it_.”

Neither Zayn nor Liam knew what to say now. They just stared at Niall for a moment as he flicked the filter from the cigarette onto the floor and stamped it out with his heel. “Now… more beers?” Niall suggested.

He didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Now that they were drinking, he didn’t quite want to stop. Niall sat back down in the booth with Zayn to his right and Liam to his left, and they drank another round. Nobody said a word; they let Niall stew in his emotions for a bit, think about what it was that was bothering him so much, and if they noticed that Niall ate some of the cheeses on the cheese sampler, well, nobody said “I told you so.”

The night went on for a while. They sat and sipped beers all day, keeping a steady buzz and racking up quite a bill that Zayn was more than willing to pay for Niall’s sake. By the end of it, Niall seemed back to himself. He was munching on bar chips and sipping a dark, strong beer, and his words were slurred as he finally showed a smile. Zayn paid the bill as they finished their last beers, and then he called a car for them to take them back to Niall’s place first.

Zayn and Liam were actually just a bit buzzed; Niall was the only one that had gotten absolutely piss drunk. But they thought maybe he needed it or deserved it; as long as it didn’t become a habit, they weren’t particularly worried.

Lou Teasdale had sent them a text message informing them that she’d just brought Gemma back to the flat that Niall and Gemma shared, and that Gemma seemed to be in good spirits. As the car stopped outside Niall’s flat, Zayn turned to him and said, “It’s time to be on your best behaviour. Gemma is upstairs. She’s home.”

Niall nodded and just climbed out. He didn’t open his mouth to speak because the drive had actually made him feel a bit nauseous. Niall waved goodbye to everyone and stumbled his way upstairs, and he tried not to be loud as he walked inside and proceeded to trip over another pair of his shoes that lay strewn haphazardly by the door. “Oh shit!” he called out as he caught a wall to stop himself, and he burst out laughing.

Gemma rushed out from the bedroom looking very tired but also rather concerned. “Niall?” she asked as she walked over to him.

He was so drunk, he didn’t notice her hair had changed. It was back to dark now, all the split ends cut off leaving her curls landing over her shoulders but stopping just above her breasts; it looked cuter this way. It was actually more of a mature look, but Niall was too drunk to spot it at the moment. He just nodded to her as she clutched his arm nervously, and he slurred, “’m fine. Had some drinks with Zayn and Liam.”

Gemma wasn’t convinced, and she could almost predict what was going to happen just seconds before it did. The disorientation from nearly falling had sent Niall’s head spinning, and even an Irishman couldn’t handle as much beer as he’d consumed that night. His stomach lurched and it sent him rushing to the bathroom where he proceeded to vomit rather violently, his stomach and body protesting to all the food and beer he’d enjoyed at the pub.

While she could have just left him to deal with his own stupid decisions, Gemma followed. She knelt next to Niall and winced as he continued to empty the contents of his stomach. Her care never faltered though, and Gemma rubbed his back gently until he was done. Then she gave him a tissue to wipe his face and a cap full of mouthwash to rinse out the terrible taste and scent.

After that, Niall just rested back on the floor, his eyes droopy and a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead. “Come on. It’s bed time for you,” Gemma said firmly.

“No, ‘m fine,” Niall muttered. “Should stay here. Just in case.”

Gemma frowned but he made a legitimate point. Instead of forcing him to move, Gemma just took his shoes off as he sat against the bath tub, limbs droopy and lazy. His shoulders slumped and his arms lay limp, hands draped over his legs. His head lulled to the side and he was a sight to be seen, that was for sure. But Gemma knew she should take care of him. It felt like the right thing to do, and as strange as the thought was – it felt familiar.

She tossed his shoes to the side and then crawled closer to him, kneeling between his spread legs in order to remove his shirt and dab the sweat off of his forehead. After the tugged the garment from his body, Gemma put a cloth to Niall’s head. When she looked down to be sure he was okay, she was surprised to see wet, sad blue eyes looking right at her. “I just love you a lot,” he very nearly whimpered. “I wish you still loved me back…”

Gemma’s heart broke a little at how earnest and devastated Niall sounded. She frowned and looked into his eyes. “I’m learning,” she said softly. “I need more time.”

“’ve given you so much time,” Niall sighed.

She nodded and looked down at her lap, upset with herself for hurting Niall as much as she had already. When she looked back up at him, she said, “I really _like_ you. Isn’t that a good start?”

 _There shouldn’t have to be a new start!_ Niall’s brain screamed at him, but he bit his tongue. Instead, he just nodded, defeated. Gemma felt like she’d just ruined quite a bit for Niall, and all that guilt that Lou managed to chase away was right back in place, buried deep within her chest, reminding her of her shortcomings, of her “broken brain.”

“You seem okay now. Let’s get you into bed. I don’t want you waking up with aches,” Gemma sighed as she stood up. She knew she had to end that _like_ and _love_ conversation before something really went wrong.

Niall stumbled to his feet slowly, and Gemma kept a hand around his waist as she helped him to the bedroom. He shucked his jeans in a mess of awkward, drunken fumbling, and then he climbed right into bed. Gemma would have been nervous about it had he been sober, or flirty, or any of his other moods aside from a borderline weepy drunk. She changed into a pair of flannel pyjama pants and a plain tank top, and against her better judgement she climbed right into bed with Niall. She didn’t snuggle him or curl up next to him, but she was sharing the space with him and that was progress.

It was progress she wasn’t entirely sure she was ready for, but it was something.

When Gemma woke, she felt a strong arm around her waist and she just breathed, loving the feeling of such security from the simple gesture. She already knew who it was; the entire night came back to her like one of her childhood memories, something not lost or forgotten. Niall had actually looked cute even if he reeked of beer. The only thing she wished she hadn’t been there to witness was the way he broke down and said how much he wished she was better.

That had hurt.

Deep inside, Gemma knew that she could probably be trying harder. There was no reason for her to not be okay. The memories were there, just locked away, and she had to find the key. But when she’d thought Niall would be the key and then he _hadn’t_ been, that left her feeling rather confused. But more than anything, Gemma found herself wishing and hoping that she could remember all the things she had shared with Niall. He had grown on her, and she cared a lot about him.  Slowly, she rolled over in bed to get a good look at him.

Still fast asleep, Niall looked relaxed. But he didn’t look as young and carefree as he once had. Harry showed her plenty of photos of all the guys. He’d told her about all of them and let Gemma know that Niall was truly a good person. But… Niall didn’t look like that anymore. He now had wrinkles by his eyes, and his mouth turned to a pout whenever he wasn’t forcing a smile. His skin had little blemishes and he always bit his nails. He was stressed, and he always seemed tired.

Gemma decided that she needed to let him sleep and instead decided to wander out of the room, still dressed in her pyjamas. She settled in on the sofa and opened her laptop. With slight hesitation, Gemma bit her lip but typed Google into her internet browser. After that, all she needed to do was a quick internet search of Niall and instantly tons of things popped up.

Blogs on Tumblr showed up after wiki pages, crude URLs with misspelled names, one of which seemed dedicated just to the two of them – _nemmalove_.

Gemma clicked the link and was brought to the first page of the blog. As she scrolled, she grew more and more engrossed in what she was looking at. Photos of the two of them at events were all over the place. Her jaw dropped as she read some of the stuff people said about them.

_i wish I had a love like niall and gemma. its like a nicholas sparks book came to life_

As well as other things like:

_i die when I see how cute nemma is omfg_

A little smile danced at the corners of her mouth, and she saw that most of the things had come from Instagram. Deciding to take a look into social media again, Gemma grabbed her phone and opened her account on Instagram. Videos littered between photos, and while there were plenty that _weren’t_ focused on Niall (she didn’t want to be too boy crazy, after all), there were a fair amount that were most certainly focused on Niall.

One in particular caught her eye, with nothing but the caption ‘big announcement! xx’ and she couldn’t keep away. Gemma tapped the screen to press play, and there in dim lighting she could see both herself and Niall looking at the phone. The sunset and the ocean could be seen in the background; it looked incredibly romantic.

“Hi everybody!” Niall grinned and waved.

Gemma giggled and handed the phone to Niall, and then held up her hand, revealing a ring on her left hand. “We eloped!” she nearly squealed in excitement.

Gemma paused the video, taking in the look on both of their faces. Niall looked brighter and happier than she had ever seen him before – happier than when she’d woken up, and happier than when he was on the X-Factor (she’d watched those videos a few days prior). Niall was positively glowing. And then there was Gemma.

Gemma was beaming, smiling from ear to ear with dimples. Her eyes were alight with so much joy and she only wished she could be that happy again. Her wispy hair was caught in the breeze and the flowers in her hair seemed perfect for the type of wedding they’d had. After admiring their happy expressions for a while, Gemma tapped the screen to watch the rest of the Instagram video.

There wasn’t much left, but it was enough. She watched as she kissed Niall in the video, long and romantic but not too heated for all the fans watching her account on the app. They kissed and Niall’s hands found their way to her waist as Gemma turned off the video. That was where it ended.

She brought her fingers to her lips as they tingled, the faint memory from watching what had happened to her sort of weaving itself into her brain. _That happened_ , she told herself. _I eloped. I married him. We’ve kissed._ The tale of the accident rang in her brain and she realized that she’d loved Niall so much that she’d given herself to him in every way possible. That man in the bedroom knew her inside and out, and now she didn’t feel the same way about him.

Gemma stood up, determined to get her memories back. Niall deserved it. Putting herself in Niall’s shoes was heartbreaking, and she was trying not to cry just at the thought. Losing a love like that couldn’t be easy. It was probably made far more difficult by the fact that she was still there, in his life, and he couldn’t have her. He couldn’t touch her or hold her or kiss her.

She rifled through the shelves, desperately searching for photos. She wanted to see more, and she wanted to know more. Gemma _needed_ it. Guilt and sadness and an overwhelming barrage of _everything_ hit her all at once and she began to cry as she searched through the shelves. She tossed magazines and books haphazardly into the flat, thudding and skidding everything out of her way as she sought out all the images that could help her bring back the memories.

“What the fuck’re you doing!?”

Niall was groggy and his voice was hoarse, and Gemma froze before she turned around to look at him. Tears slid down her cheeks and she couldn’t find words.

 _Shit_ , Niall thought to himself. _Today isn’t going to be a good day._

Gemma had bad days and he was used to them by that point, but it was still difficult to watch her struggle so much. “I’m sorry,” she gasped, her whisper seeming unnecessarily loud in the still, quiet flat. “I’m so sorry…”

“Are you trashin’ the place? Or are you lookin’ for something?” Niall asked, dragging his feet as he walked towards her.

Sadness overwhelmed Gemma’s every inch and she dropped her arms to her sides, slumping as she confessed, “I’m just trying to remember. I want to remember.”

“I know,” he nodded, understanding more of what was happening now.

“I’m trying so hard and it’s _hurting_ you!” Gemma sobbed.

Niall looked so heartbroken at Gemma’s breakdown, but he didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t touch her. The last time he’d tried, she freaked out at him. That’s what made everything so difficult; all his instincts, all the usual ways of comforting Gemma, were things he couldn’t do anymore. “Please don’t worry about it. I understand, Gemma. I know you’re doing the best you can,” Niall offered.

She just looked into Niall’s eyes sadly, and she shook her head as she told him, “I’m breaking your heart.”

Niall’s jaw dropped a little. When he didn’t answer, Gemma knew. It just… clicked.

She was breaking Niall’s heart. He wasn’t happy anymore. That’s why there were so many lines on his face now when there hadn’t been before. She stared at him sadly as tears streamed down her cheeks and he wondered just what she was about to say or do. One part of his brain told him that she was going to leave and never look back. The other part of his brain just kept telling him _hug her hug her hug her!_ Married Niall was still trying to overtake the part of Niall’s brain that had tried to focus on _not_ being married anymore. Needless to say, it was a struggle.

When Gemma literally looked like she was about to crumble into a heap on the floor, he walked towards her and wrapped his arms around her. She melted into the touch in a way she hadn’t done since they met. Sobs shook her whole body as the guilt took her over, the disappointment of not being able to be the person Niall wanted her to be washing over her and sending her into heavy waves of tears. His drunken words flew into her mind and she just heard them over and over again.

_I wish you still loved me back._

He was so earnest and kind when it came to their relationship even when she didn’t reciprocate the emotions anymore. Between the two of them, everything came crashing down. Niall’s honesty, his care, and his heart were right there for Gemma to take. She had access to every single facet of Niall, down to his core. Each thing he thought nobody wanted to know, nobody cared about, she had once proved him wrong. She wrapped her arms around his body and buried her face in his chest.

The guilt, the sadness, the pure emotion between the two of them just kept Gemma’s body shaking and trembling with so much that she couldn’t express through words anymore. It was all too much for her to bear.

So right there in the centre of the living room in their flat, Niall held Gemma and Gemma just sobbed. Niall let out a few tears, saddened deeply that he couldn’t help his own wife.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated again.

“I know,” Niall nodded.

She looked up at him and for a moment, Niall forgot that everything had been lost between them. Gemma’s eyes were wet and full of so much hurt, he just wanted to get it to go away. Niall wiped her tears away with his thumbs gently, pushing her hair off of her wet cheeks. “I like your hair,” he whispered to her.

Gemma’s cheeks pinked and she let out a tiny laugh as the tears temporarily paused. Then she looked away shyly and replied, “I couldn’t stand looking like a person I didn’t remember.”

“I understand,” Niall nodded simply.

But the sadness hit her all over again when she recalled that Niall didn’t feel happy anymore. He wasn’t the same man she’d married, and she certainly wasn’t the same person that Niall had married. That light in his eyes that she’d seen in their Instagram video was gone. Everything about her had become someone that she wasn’t and it was maddening for Gemma more than Niall. She felt like she was letting him down more than anyone ever had.

“I’m sorry,” Gemma said, but this time she pushed away from him. She took a deep breath and shook her head, dabbing at her face with her hands. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I… I’m…”

But before she could finish her sentence she rushed to the room. Niall just stood in the living room, defeated. He began to clean up the living room piece by piece, putting together all of the photo boxes that Gemma had tossed around. Niall kept busy with the cleaning, unsure of what Gemma was doing now that she had run away in a fit. He was confused and hurt and he knew that he should have vehemently denied that he felt like his heart was breaking. Instead, now she knew. And now did Niall know that for sure?

Harry was texting him.

 **Harry:** Gemma texted me.

Niall grumbled right away, too frustrated to fully comprehend what that might mean, at first, at least. He typed off a frantic _what for?_ and then continued cleaning. The entire living room was a mess. Gemma had actually been more like a tornado and less like a person when it came down to it. She had wrecked everything in her path and Niall still didn’t fully understand just what on earth she was trying to find. Memories? Those were locked within her mind, not the shelves of their flat. But maybe she didn’t know that, or maybe they were trapped in her mind, locked away forever, and the photos would be all she had left.

He knew that she probably wanted to know more, but Niall had made it abundantly clear that he was there to tell her anything she wanted to know. She’d only asked about how they got together and their first date, and he didn’t think that Harry had told her much. Harry didn’t _know_ much, truth be told. He was more just… an observer. Someone who saw what they were like on the outside but not on the inside.

Niall, however, knew it all. He knew that Gemma liked to be held and cradled when she cried. She liked having her back patted and her hair played with. It calmed her. Niall had learned to braid her hair just because he knew that it made her feel better. It relaxed her to no end when he’d massage her scalp. There was one night in particular that the day’s events had reminded him of, and he smiled fondly at the thought.

*

The band had just been on a rather harsh schedule of concerts all throughout Asia; China and Japan were the main spots, and Gemma had to stay in London to do her studies. She had final exams approaching and she refused to let her spot as the top student in her class slip away to someone else. It had to belong to her and remain hers until graduation; it was her sole chance at proving she could be her own person, regardless of what Harry did with his life.

But final exams came and went and Gemma stressed herself out worse than she ever had before. Text messages from Gemma endlessly slid into Niall’s inbox on his phone. Her grammar usage slipped from perfect to text speak to abbreviations that even Gemma couldn’t decipher at the end of the day. She was going crazy with stress and Niall wanted nothing more but to hold her. Instead, he had to just do his shows, text her in his free time, and hope that she survived. He’d even gone so far as to text her mum to get her to check up on Gemma so Gemma kept her sanity.

When he returned, final exams had been taken and graded, and Gemma was waiting around their flat for him. Niall assumed she’d be wearing something sexy like last time, something that would show him _exactly_ what he’d been missing while he was away, but instead he walked in to a completely different sight.

Gemma sat on their sofa, adorned in a thousand blankets. Niall tossed his things aside almost instantly and he rushed over to her, worry etched deep into his features. “What’s going on?” he asked with a frown.

Another sob sounded loudly from her lips and she covered her face with her hands. He sat down and forced the blankets away from her body even though she resisted. He knew deep down that it was what she needed, and he’d do it even if it made her angry because once she calmed down, she’d thank him. She always did. Underneath all the blankets she was wearing an old pair of Niall’s tracksuit bottoms and a sweatshirt that she’d always called dorky, one of his that was an odd green colour with a cartoon duck on it. But she was curled up in his clothes and crying, her hair a ratted mess, and blankets adorning her whole body as she curled her knees to her chest sadly.

Niall frowned and hugged her towards him, pulling her across the sofa so she was lying on top of him. Her head rested on his chest and she sobbed into the soft fabric of his new, black shirt. Tears fell onto it but it never seemed too wet to Niall; in fact, she could soak it with tears and he wouldn’t mind because she was sad, and she was hurting, and he really just wanted to help. Of course, it was one of the things that he’d promised to do when they got married, but more than that it just really broke his heart to see her so devastated.

Her tears continued on and on, to the point that Niall tried to think of anything that would help to relax her. After only thirty minutes of crying (which actually was _too much_ , if you asked Niall) he talked Gemma into taking a shower. She did just that, albeit reluctantly, and when she emerged the tears still fell, but slower, at a more reserved rate. This time her crying was more reminiscent of sadness instead of total devastation. He had waited for her on the bed the entire time, and she put the same clothes on as she’d been wearing earlier before climbing onto the bed with Niall. “I’m sorry you had to come back to this,” she sobbed.

Niall shook his head and insisted, “Don’t apologise. I don’t want you to apologise for being sad. Ever.”

Gemma looked relieved, but that only seemed to push more tears forth. “I let you down,” she told him.

And that was the only explanation he got for almost another thirty minutes. She curled into his side, and the entire time he just ran his hands through her wet hair, the action seeming to almost dry the fried pieces of blonde hair that he’d always wished would go back to brunette. But Gemma was beautiful regardless of hair colour, and regardless of her emotional state. Niall just held her, rubbed her back and massaged her scalp as he played with her hair, and as the sun set outside she finally took a breath and explained.

“I’m not top of class,” she explained. “I was so sure of it. I knew I was going to do great. But… I got these two concepts mixed up. And don’t you _dare_ ask which,” she warned, which was Gemma code for _I’m so mad I refuse to acknowledge the existence of these concepts for a while._ Niall just kept his mouth shut and let Gemma explain more. She sniffled before she said, “That insufferable man in my classes, Thomas, remember when I told you about him? _He’s_ first.”

Niall did indeed remember Thomas. Thomas was the man in Gemma’s program who liked to tell her repeatedly that she was only in the program because of her brother. He was sure that her grades were affected by her brother’s fame, as well. Niall, along with everyone else Gemma had complained to, was sure that Thomas just felt threatened, and more than that he was _jealous_ of the secondhand fame that Gemma experienced so often. But Niall knew that Gemma had earned her way into the school and that she worked hard to earn and maintain her constantly high marks. She was clever and she deserved to be top of class no matter what Thomas said. Niall had even told Gemma that he was pretty sure if Thomas stopped focusing on Gemma and her fame, he’d actually probably get better marks and pass her up. It was meant to be a joke, but now that his being first had become a reality, it felt oddly out of place and inappropriate.

Gemma glanced up at Niall where she lay in his arms on the bed, waiting for him to say something about her marks or Thomas or _something_. Niall would, but he knew in this situation that he had to choose his words wisely. It would be a bad thing if he didn’t.

“Gemma, it’s alright,” he insisted right away. He took a deep breath and said, “You’re a busy girl. I mean, we got married this semester. It was bound to happen. It happens to everyone when they decide to focus on their lives as a whole and not just their academics. Thomas is just bitter an alone and he caught a lucky break. But you’re going to steal top spot back from him, I know it. You still have several semesters left and I know you can take the spot back. You’re the cleverest girl that school has ever seen.”

She sniffled, disbelieving, and Niall reached down to tip her head up to look at him as he said, “Gemma, stop being so hard on yourself. You’re the most brilliant woman I know. You’re so much better than this.”

“I hate my marks this semester,” she grumbled.

And then he’d decided to surprise her. “Sit up,” he instructed.

Gemma was baffled at the sudden change of topic, but did as was asked of her. She sat up and watched Niall with a strange expression on her face. She was confused, and she was still sad, and she didn’t know what Niall was doing now. It was all a bit much for her brain to process when she’d rather mope about the flat all night.

Niall sat behind her and started to play with her hair, running through the tangles with his fingers. He got up on his knees so he had a proper reach at the top of her head, and he began braiding as he asked, “So, aside from crying, what should we do about these marks then?”

Gemma didn’t seem to have an answer for that, because Niall could see in the reflection on the turned-off television that Gemma bit her lip. She only did that if she was unsure or if she was trying to be sexy. It was pretty obvious which reason it was in that moment. Niall started to French braid her hair as he waited for an answer, and Gemma just stammered softly, “I… I guess I just have to do better this semester. I can’t _change_ my marks. I know I got things wrong and I can’t change that now.”

“Exactly. You can’t change the past. All you can do is try to do better next semester,” Niall insisted. “And I know you will. And I also know that it has nothing to do with the fact that the lads and I will actually be in London for a lot of it, recording our next album.”

“Next album? Already?” she asked curiously.

“We started writing stuff for this one as soon as Midnight Memories was completed. You know we need to keep up on this,” he said simply. “Otherwise the fans will get bored.”

“The fans never get bored,” Gemma giggled.

Niall smirked at her through the reflection where their eyes met, and she relaxed just a bit. Gemma just nodded slowly and watched in the reflection off of the television as Niall continued to braid her long blonde hair. Her tears seemed to have subsided but Niall knew that they weren’t in the clear yet. Gemma could have another breakdown again at any moment. She just took a deep breath and let it out in a gasp of shuddering and relief. She asked curiously, “Where did you learn to French braid?”

Niall grinned widely, rather proud of himself and the braid he’d produced. It was a bit loose, but the effect wasn’t beauty, it was to calm Gemma. She just watched him curiously through the reflection, and after he tied a ponytail holder at the end of the braid, she turned around to face him. He lowered from his knees to sitting cross legged and Gemma mirrored him, watching him with amusement. Niall just shrugged and said, “I had down time on tour and I know how much you love having your hair played with so I asked Lou to teach me. She was happy to. Plus, she made me practice on Lux so I learned how to be gentle, because apparently that’s a thing I need to do, too.”

“Girls are tough. You don’t need to be gentle with me,” Gemma said simply.

Niall laughed and he replied, “Well, when I practiced on Harry he whined and complained that I was about to rip his scalp off so yeah, Lou made me practice on a toddler.”

“Harry’s a wimp,” Gemma laughed.

And that’s when Niall knew he’d fixed everything. Gemma was smiling and laughing and he’d successfully distracted her from the troubles that were on her mind just half an hour previously. There was nothing he couldn’t do when it came to Gemma because after all the time they’d been together – which arguably wasn’t even a lot of time – Niall had learned her inside and out. He knew how to make her laugh or make her cry, and he knew just what she liked and what sorts of things drove her mad in the worst way. Gemma knew Niall in return, and it was how they helped each other through essentially _everything_ in their lives.

*

As Niall looked at his phone to see the next text message from Harry, he frowned, the good memory gone and replaced with feelings of dread.

 **Harry:** She’s upset. I’m coming over and I’ll take her out for the day.

Niall knew that it was probably a good idea even if she should probably stick around home. Gemma needed to learn how to work through the sadness and frustration instead of running away, and Niall felt like he had to insist to her that she wasn’t hurting him as much as she thought she was. But instead, he felt defeated and depressed and he just typed in reply: _yeah, ok. She’s here._

He busied himself with cleaning, hoping to have most of it put away before Harry arrived, but it was difficult. Gemma had made a mess of one of the things she’d once prided herself on organizing. Each photo was placed in chronological order, down to the order of the photos taken at the very same event. She’d thrown all the photos around the room, sending boxes crashing. Some boxes were even broken. Niall knew he had quite a long project ahead of himself, and he just sighed.

The door opened and Niall knew who it was before he looked over. Harry waltzed in slowly, his toes dragging on the floor as he walked the way they always did. He looked serious and sad but he didn’t say a word. Gemma rushed into the room and ran over to hug him as he showed up, ignoring the way that Niall was looking over at them sadly. Niall was stressed out and worried that this was going to hurt things more than they were going to help. But he was tired. Niall was exhausted and just wanted Gemma to be happy – and now he was starting to think that she couldn’t be happy unless she was without him, without the reminder of her shortcomings.

Niall waved at Harry when Harry waved to him in greeting. It was slightly awkward, which Niall despised. He and Harry had once been nearly inseparable. But he didn’t argue when Harry left with Gemma, and he certainly didn’t argue when he noticed that Gemma had even gone so far as to pack a bag.

Niall didn’t know when he’d see his wife again.

Over the course of the past few days, Zayn hadn’t appeared as much in Niall’s life as he had immediately following the accident and Niall wasn’t quite sure why. Perrie hadn’t showed up much either, and Niall knew that Perrie and Gemma actually got on rather well. They could share hair and makeup tips, if nothing else, but he knew that they liked the companionship of each other at official events that One Direction would bring their girlfriends to (if they had them, of course).

Liam showed up at Niall’s, though, and he just sat there with him as Niall unloaded it all to him. Liam had good timing, but Niall supposed there was some sort of “through the grapevine” effect that had taken place because pretty much everyone knew about the spat that Niall and Gemma had had that morning. It was embarrassing when it came down to it.

Liam looked around at the messy flat and wondered just what was going on. “Did you two get in a fight? Like, a literal fist fight?” he asked curiously when he’d walked in.

Niall just sighed and shook his head, and he delved into the conversation as soon as Liam got inside; he didn’t even wait for the two of them to go sit down on the sofa. But they sat as Niall spoke, and Niall told Liam everything, including admitting that he’d been an absolute idiot because he hadn’t answered Gemma’s question about love.

“I fucked it up, is what I did,” Niall insisted.

Liam just frowned because he had to agree, but it wasn’t really Niall’s fault. Niall was in a tough spot and Liam didn’t even want to think about what he’d do if he were in the same spot. “You’ll work through it,” Liam insisted. It was all he could think of to say. It was hard to come up with new advice for an old problem.

“I won’t,” Niall shook his head, already pessimistic about the situation after the short conversation he’d had with Gemma that morning. “She’s convinced that she’s hurt me and we can’t fix it now. I have no idea what to do. Where do we even go from here?”

Liam sighed. “Well, being like _that_ isn’t going to help.”

Niall knew he had a point but he just wanted to sulk. He wanted to get drunk again and whine and complain and act completely irresponsible because there was nothing else to do. Niall didn’t have Gemma; he didn’t have someone to confide in now, and he certainly didn’t have someone that he could curl up with or hold or kiss or _anything_. “You’ve got to keep trying,” Liam insisted. “You can’t give up. You promised.”

“Would you stop holding my fucking vows against me!?” Niall shouted.

He stood up and looked over at Liam, knowing that he was bursting out at the wrong person but not caring enough to bite his tongue.  Liam just sat there and let Niall release all of his anger and frustrations. It was probably what he needed more than anything.

“It was a vow, _yeah_ , I get it. I promised. But it’s hard when she’s not holding up her end of the bargain,” Niall said simply. “I’m _exhausted_. I’m constantly on ice whenever I’m around her. I can’t hold her and I can’t touch her and I can’t do anything with her because _she still sees me like I’m a goddamn stranger._ And I just can’t handle it anymore. I want to give up.”

“You can’t give up,” Liam insisted. “Have you seen the way she looks at you?”

“Yes. She’s sad and heartbroken and she mopes around and she doesn’t _trust_ me,” Niall replied, sarcasm in his voice but his intentions true.

Liam shook his head and just let Niall calm down for a moment before he said, “When you’re not looking at _her_ , I mean.”

“Of course I haven’t.”

Niall didn’t understand what Liam was getting at. He was confused and angry and didn’t feel like thinking clearly. He wouldn’t be able to think clearly even if he could, and that was probably the worst part about it all. Niall’s head was a massive jumble of emotions and warnings to _not do this_ or _not do that_ around Gemma because it might spook her, almost as though she were a baby animal. It was frustrating and Niall wished he could just be carefree and laid back again.

But no, he just had to be a supportive husband and keep trying. He’d devoted his whole life now to getting Gemma back on her feet, to bringing back her memories and helping her heal. More than anything he just wanted Gemma to love him again, the way he loved her.

But that brought to light the fact that lately Niall had been wondering if he really did love Gemma the way he had before. She was a different person. The accident changed her and nobody could deny that. Whatever Gemma felt before the accident was no more. She didn’t feel that way now because the man she felt those things for didn’t exist in her mind, at least not like that. Now he was just some crazy stranger trying to tell her to love him. It was probably chasing her away more than it was pulling her to him. It was the complete wrong strategy.

And it was all happening before he even had a _chance_ to take her on a new date, to show her the kind of boyfriend and husband he truly was, and the kind of person he could be one day for her if she just let him in and gave him a chance.

Liam looked up at Niall and just shook his head, slight amusement on his face as he said, “She’s mad about you, mate. Whether you believe it or not, she’s completely crazy about you. She smiles at you and she’s getting that look back.”

“What look?”

Liam grinned and pointed to Niall as he said, “You know the look! The look that says she wants you. Before… you’d say all the time she had the _look_ in her eye. You remember that! I know you do! Anyway, she looks at you like that now, too. It’s like she’s getting it back slowly.”

“She’s _not_ getting her memories back right now, trust me,” Niall said angrily.

“No, but she’s getting feelings back, and that’s what you’re going for, isn’t it?” Liam asked. “I mean, you said yourself that you might just have to try to start over with her. I know you’re trying it and now look… she’s almost fallen for you again!”

“But she left with Harry,” Niall sighed.

He didn’t fully believe Liam but Liam rarely said things without meaning them. If Gemma was giving him _the look_ behind his back, then it meant something. Liam always told the truth. Niall frowned and Liam said, “At least she left with Harry and not… her ex, or something.”

“Her ex is still in Holmes Chapel, thank god,” Niall chuckled.

Liam nodded and liked seeing the smile on his friend’s face. “See? Exactly! Leaving with her brother isn’t a threatening thing at all. It’s perfect. You’re not going to lose her,” Liam told her. “You won’t lose Gemma because you’re already starting to get her back!”

Niall felt a little better about it all, but he didn’t know where to go from there. “Well, she packed a bag when she left with him. I don’t know what to do now,” he confessed.

Liam just sat there and shrugged before he said, “Well, you could always just… take her out on a date.”

“Maybe we can double with Perrie and Zayn, take the pressure off,” Niall suggested. “I’m pretty sure that I don’t think she’ll want to go on a date just me and her, now. Not after she thinks she’s breaking my heart.”

Liam winced, and Niall looked confused. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” he suggested.

Ever the confused one, Niall asked, “What do you mean? Why not?”

“Well… because…” Liam stammered. He knew what the problem was, he just didn’t know if he was supposed to tell anyone else. But Niall was a special case, and he knew he should probably tell him.

“Are they on the outs? Are they going to break up!?” Niall asked sadly. He didn’t need something _else_ to go wrong in his life or in the lives of anyone he knew. Nobody deserved the stress.

“No,” Liam shook his head quickly. “No, it’s just… they’re dealing with some unexpected news.”

“Is everything alright?” Niall asked.

He sat down next to Liam and suddenly wanted to know the whole story. Liam just sighed and said, “This remains top secret, yeah? No telling. They’ll tell people when they’re ready.” Niall nodded, and Liam waited for a rather long pause before he said, “Perrie’s pregnant.”

Niall was full of mixed emotions in that moment. On the one hand, he was concerned for Zayn because he knew that Zayn probably wasn’t taking it well. Zayn and Perrie had always said that they were still many years off from having children – their goal was to wait until they were in their late twenties or early thirties. But instead they were going to be expecting a child, and adding a baby into the mix of everything.

But at the same time, Niall was filled with happiness for the both of them, regardless of careers, because this was a big deal, and it was good news. Babies usually were, especially when a person could financially support such a new and wonderful addition to their life.

More than anything, though, Niall was filled with anger and jealousy. It should have been he and Gemma expecting news like that. _They’d_ been the couple trying for a baby. But instead, the couple that hadn’t been trying for a baby was the couple that would end up having a baby, and the thought was difficult to come to terms with. Niall wanted to be a dad, to bring a baby into the world with Gemma. But instead of Niall’s wish coming true, that miracle had been passed off to Zayn. While Zayn and Perrie were deserving of it, Niall and Gemma had actually _wanted_ it.

But _wanted_ was different than _still_ wanting it. Past versus present battled in his head and Niall let out a soft sigh. He wished that Gemma still wanted that with him, still felt all the love she’d felt for him on their wedding day, on the days before that, and on the days after their wedding up until the accident.

The damn accident had ruined everything.

Niall must not have responded for quite some time because Liam pulled him from his thoughts with concern on his face, a hand waving in front of Niall’s eyes to draw his focus back to the task at hand. “You alright, mate?” Liam asked.

But he knew that Niall wasn’t. Liam was quite good at reading the other lads in the band; after five years together it was bound to happen. Niall just sighed and frowned. Liam knew what was on his mind. “Your time will come,” Liam said comfortingly. “You and Gemma are going to be parents one day.”

“No, we’re not,” Niall said firmly. “She doesn’t remember me.”

Liam frowned because Niall was back at that mindset. “Both of you are still young, you have time to create new memories. Even if she doesn’t get them back you still have plenty of time to fall in love and start a family with her,” he said firmly, a touch of finality in his voice that made Niall realize that he was probably being a bit foolish.

Niall just sighed and slouched on the sofa. Getting back on track was going to be even harder now, he was sure of it.

As expected, Zayn told the lads within a week, and everyone was overjoyed for him. “I’d love to throw you a baby shower,” Gemma said kindly as everyone sat around a private table in a downtown café in London.

“That’d be great,” Zayn said politely, but his face still showed some trepidation. Perrie just nodded at his side. It was obvious by looking at both of them that the baby was a surprise, and a surprise that they both had to try to accept as truth in their head before anything else happened.

Niall hoped that Gemma would take her time planning the shower.

But Niall never got a chance to talk to her about it because sometime between that meal and the dinner he went to with Liam and Louis just a couple of days later, Gemma moved out of the flat and in with Harry (and Louis, by extent). Niall opened the door after he got home from some steaks and beer with Liam and Louis to find a neatly written note on the counter.

_Gathering my thoughts and bunking with Harry. Thank you for everything, and I’ll see you soon I’m sure._

_Best,_

_Gemma xx_

Niall nearly broke down right there. He didn’t even have the nerve to send a text to Louis to ask if he knew about this when he invited everyone out to dinner. Even though Louis likely _did_ know, as they would have needed to prepare the space for Gemma, Niall couldn’t be mad at him. He’d screwed it up himself. But he texted Liam anyway, and Liam’s reply sort of made him sad.

 **Liam:** how do u kno she planned on leavin?

Niall typed out a reply, his fingers slapping roughly at the touch screen. He knew because she’d taken _boxes_ worth of things: shoes, clothes, suitcases, photos, everything. She couldn’t have just packed a bag and walked out of the room. She had to have had someone come and get her, someone to carry things down with her and open doors for her. The very things Niall had done for Gemma when they moved the last of their things _in_ to the flat, she’d done with someone else behind his back just so she could get back _out_ of the flat.

And now he was alone.

Niall was never quite good with being alone.

He called up the lads, but most of them had plans. Harry was always out with Gemma, but Niall was too afraid to talk to Harry. He was sure that there would be some sort of resentment or frustration or angry shouting somewhere along the way. Harry was very protective and Gemma wouldn’t have left unless Niall had hurt her in some way, even if that wasn’t what he had meant to do.

The worst part about it all was probably that Niall had done exactly what he’d promised Harry he’d never do: he’d hurt Gemma. Gemma wanted a life without Niall in it, just because of something he’d done, and that made Niall feel rather angry with himself, but who could blame him, really? Letting down the love of one’s life was never an easy thing to do. On top of it all, Gemma had completely blown off the date they’d discussed, and to say that things had become messy was quite the understatement.

But he kept busy with Liam; Liam seemed to be able to balance time with Niall and time with Zayn, helping them both and caring for them even when it left Liam with very little time to himself.

Lately, though, Liam had been out with Zayn, going to private parenting classes because Zayn was too nervous to go himself and all the classes were aimed at _dads_ so Perrie didn’t go; she had her own classes to go to, anyway. That left Niall with Louis.

Louis hadn’t really tried to get in touch with Niall lately, and that gave Niall the answer he needed before he could even ask. Louis had, indeed, known that Gemma planned on moving out. It was probably why he’d suggested the dinner in the first place. But Niall was too exhausted to feel much of anything anymore, so he just frowned and when he had nobody else to hang out with, he called Louis and asked if he just wanted to bring over some Nando’s and watch television. Louis accepted.

When Louis showed up at the door he was wearing sweats and a shirt, a hoodie with a beanie, and he looked ready to curl up on the sofa and sleep. Niall looked no different, and no words were exchanged as Louis carried the food in and set it down on the coffee table where Niall had already unloaded a ton of pillows and blankets onto the sofa for them. Netflix was open with the instant queue up on the screen so Louis could pick something – a courtesy Niall was extending even if he didn’t think Louis quite deserved it.

So they ate in silence, and Louis chose a movie in silence, and things were actually rather tense and awkward. Niall wasn’t surprised, and Louis just seemed to be avoiding confrontation as much as he possibly could. He didn’t seem to want to admit to what he’d done. Niall couldn’t really blame him, because he personally thought that it was quite despicable, all things considered.

But when the movie ended and there was no more Nando’s to be eaten, there was nothing else to be done but talk, really. And even as Louis and Niall sat cocooned on either end of the sofa in their own little world, they both shared thoughts and seemed to be on the same wavelength. “Look, I’m sorry,” Louis spoke finally, his voice full of defeat.

Niall looked over at Louis with surprise written all over his face; Louis was usually too proud to admit that he’d screwed up or made a mistake. With a sigh, he just asked softly, “Why did you lie to me?”

“What was I supposed to do? Go against Gemma and tell you?” Louis asked.

“Yes,” Niall said with exasperation. “ _Yes_ , just a little _warning_ would have been nice.” Niall closed his eyes and rubbed his hands over his face. “I came home to find all of her things just… _gone_. And the whole time you knew that’s what she’d be doing. You know how I feel about her. I get that you’ve never wanted Gemma and I to be together, but this was just _low_ , Louis.”

Louis tugged his lower lip between his teeth and frowned as he watched Niall. “I don’t know why you think I’ve always been so against the two of you dating,” he commented.

Niall glared at Louis. “You hardly even smiled on our wedding day,” he pointed out. “What was I supposed to take that to mean? That you’re _overjoyed_?”

“Fair point,” Louis conceded, but he still didn’t want to discuss this. Niall looked so full of sadness, however, that it nearly broke Louis’s heart in half just looking at him. “Look… she just needs time. She’s not gone for good.”

“Could have fooled me,” Niall scoffed.

“Hey, I’m telling you what’s going on. Can you really afford to be a dick right now?” Louis asked. Niall quieted, so Louis continued. “She needs time to think. In the process of getting her memories back, she’s started to fall for you again, which scares her for some insane reason. You’re just cuddly little Nialler, nothing to be afraid of. But she’s scared because you’re unfamiliar to her or something, and she can see plain as day that she’s hurting you by not remembering, so she’s giving you space and she’s taking space for herself. And for the record mate, you’re doing a shit job at starting fresh because she seems to think you’ll only keep loving her if she can remember, and I’m sorry, but I don’t know if she’s ever going to remember.”

Niall let the words sink in, each one floating beneath his skin, the full weight of reality now bearing down on him. He’d had such a good plan for getting her back, yet he’d screwed it up by expecting her to just… recover. He sighed and tugged a hand through his hair. “Now that she’s bunking with Harry, I think it’s best you really try to ‘start over’,” Louis said to him seriously. “Invite her out on a date. Take her somewhere romantic, act like the two of you have just met and that it’s your first date, and bring her back to Harry’s afterwards. Kiss her on the cheek when you say goodnight. Make her want more. You still have that charm in there somewhere.”

Louis was right. Louis was absolutely right and while most times that fact could get under Niall’s skin and make him terribly frustrated because Louis seemed to know anything and everything and could best anyone, this time he was thankful for it. Niall needed Louis because when Niall’s brain was too clouded to think or process information properly and logically, Louis could do it. Granted, Niall only _wished_ he could do the same for Louis in return, but that’s why One Direction worked. Someone could always help somebody else in some way.

And in that moment, Louis had helped Niall. Slowly, Niall nodded and pulled out his phone. Just as he was about to type out a text message to Gemma, asking if they were still on for their date, Louis slapped his hand away. “Ah ah ah,” Louis scolded. “If you want this to be romantic, you have to _call_. Texting is for young people in immature relationships.”

Niall frowned, but nodded and waved Louis out of the room. He knew Louis would eavesdrop from the next room over, but at least he wouldn’t be there in front of Niall making mad gestures and throwing in comments as he spoke to Gemma. Niall was thrumming with nervousness, his fingers shaking as he dialled Gemma’s number. There was an incredibly real possibility that she was going to say no.

“H-hello?” she asked as she answered the call.

“Gemma. Hi,” Niall said awkwardly.

Gemma paused, probably arguing with herself over whether she should actually have a conversation with him. She decided to give him a chance, and she asked finally, “How are you?”

“I’ve been better,” Niall sighed. Now it was his turn to pause, the line incredibly awkward as the silence and white noise echoed in their ears. Slowly, he said, “I um… well, how are you?”

“I’m okay,” Gemma said simply. Her voice was higher pitched than usual; she was tense and felt awkward. The tone of her voice was always a dead giveaway for her emotions. “Did you need something?” she questioned, still not sure as to the reason for the call.

“Er… yeah, actually,” Niall told her. “I was… well, I was wondering if you wanted to go out on a date with me sometime. We didn’t get to go on the one I’d asked you out on earlier, so… I thought maybe we could try again.”

“Are you sure about that?” Gemma asked. She sounded nervous, almost like her voice was trembling.

Her question hurt Niall probably a lot more than it should have. He stared down at his lap and fumbled with a loose string on his shirt before he replied, “Yeah. I’m sure. I want to take you out on a date.”

“You don’t have to,” Gemma offered. She truthfully felt bad about how much she’d hurt Niall, about the stress she’d put upon him.

Niall frowned, because her answers seemed to imply that she had no interest in going on a date with him. He was about to just hang up out of frustration, but decided against it. Instead, he sighed and said, “You can say no if you really don’t want to go.” He didn’t want her to feel trapped.

“I do, really,” Gemma said quickly. She was flustered; he’d gotten the wrong idea from what she said, apparently. “I’d love to go on a date with you. I just… don’t want you to feel obligated, is all. You know, since we’re married.”

“I don’t feel obligated,” Niall insisted. “You know how I feel about you.”

“Still?” Gemma asked nervously.

No matter how angry Niall got, or how frustrated he was about the situation, he couldn’t stop loving Gemma. He’d devoted his life to her and he didn’t take that sort of vow lightly. Without hesitation, he answered her with, “Of course. Those feelings will never go away.”

“Even if I never get better?” she asked, her voice now tiny and timid.

Niall sighed, “Even if you never get better.”

The line was silent. He heard Gemma taking deep breaths, and he wondered if maybe he’d said something wrong. Niall was about to ask if she was okay, but she beat him to speaking. In a soft, teary voice, she asked, “Pick me up this Friday at seven?”

With a smile, Niall replied, “Of course.”

“Okay. I’ll see you then,” Gemma said, and Niall could hear the traces of a smile on her face through the phone.

“Yeah, goodnight,” Niall nodded, and he hung up.

When he set the phone aside, Louis came bolting out and tackled Niall down onto the couch as he barraged him with questions about the phone call. “She said yes, right!?” Louis asked excitedly. He was bouncing around and grinning because he already knew, but he was acting like a child because Niall needed to get excited about this. It was a big deal, and Niall had to get happy about little victories otherwise nothing would ever work out good enough for him. “Tell me what happened!” Louis begged.

Niall couldn’t help but smile, “She said yes to a date. Just a date, but… it’s a start.”

“Wahoo!” Louis shouted happily.

He plopped down on the couch next to Niall, but he was too antsy to sit still. Instead, he bolted up off of the couch and rushed to the fridge where he found two bottles of beer. “To celebrate!” he said as he handed one to Niall and took the other for himself.

Niall grinned, and he only hoped that the date would be good enough to live up to the hype Louis had created. This was his one shot, he was sure of it. He didn’t want to screw it up.

As it turned out, he didn’t have the slightest idea what to do for the date. It had to be something special, something he’d never done with her before (not that she’d remember). Niall wanted it to be romantic more than anything, so he decided to approach Perrie about it. It seemed like a strange choice, because Niall rarely spoke to her unless Zayn was involved, but this was important. She agreed to meet him for lunch at his place, and as he set out chicken salads with some tea, they talked all about it.

But now that the night of the date was actually upon him, Niall didn’t quite know how to feel. It seemed like this would be his last chance. He didn’t want to screw it up. He’d made them a private reservation at a really good restaurant in Hyde Park, serving Italian which was one of Gemma’s favourite comfort foods. Niall hoped it would help relax her and put her at ease.

Niall dressed well; he knew that someone was going to see them and snap a photo. Fans were more desperate now than ever after One Direction’s hiatus was announced. They were heartbroken and Niall could understand, but he needed his privacy at the same time. He’d sent Gemma a text of his outfit, asking _how do I look?_ It was also a subtle way to hint at how she should dress: Niall was wearing dress bottoms, a button down shirt with a thin black tie, and he wore a blazer jacket over top of it all. Now this way Gemma would know the formality of the dinner without actually asking – something Perrie told him he should discuss with Gemma.

 **Gemma:** you look great :) xx

Niall beamed when he saw that, and he made sure to give Gemma few extra minutes (just in case she decided to change) before he knocked on her door. When she opened it, Niall was shocked at what he saw. Gemma didn’t look the way he was used to after all those years. Where she used to weary flowy, boho clothing, she now wore more proper things. She was trying to look like a professional, adult woman, but also like someone that could be dating a world-famous pop star.

Gemma wore a button down top, short sleeves that puffed at the shoulders just a little, in a burgundy shade of scarlet that complimented her eyes and her newly-dyed dark hair. She wore a skirt that rested at her waist, above her hips to make her look very slender. It fell down over her thighs in a large bell, curving just above her knees. If he’d spun her, it would have flown out all the way flat, Niall was sure of it.

She wore plain black pumps and pearl jewellry that looked incredibly vintage, and her hair was in curls that complimented her natural makeup. Niall found that he stared for much too long, noticing that he only snapped to it after she’d blushed a significantly dark shade of red and pulled on a black pea coat. “Have you quite finished staring now?” Gemma asked with a bemused smirk on her face.

Niall closed his mouth and nodded. “Sorry. Yes. I’m just… you look amazing,” he stammered, his words slow as he tried to choose just the right ones.

Gemma smiled and looked down at her feet. “I hoped it would be enough. You know… with you being famous and all,” she confessed.

“You’re famous too,” he reminded her.

Niall offered her his hand, and Gemma took it without hesitation. She left Harry’s flat and didn’t look back, and Niall was relieved that he hadn’t seen Harry during the entire exchange. He knew Harry would throttle him if he’d seen the way Niall was staring. Niall helped her into the car and then began to drive, into town and towards the restaurant. “So where are we going?” Gemma asked curiously. She was always full of questions; Niall liked that about her.

“It’s this great place called Apsleys. I read good reviews online and Perrie said it’s great, so I’ve made us a reservation,” Niall explained. He had been on the receiving end of many a tantrum when he tried to keep Gemma in the dark. It was so much more enjoyable to just explain it to her.

“Will it be private, or will there be… well, you know,” Gemma trailed off. She didn’t like talking about the fame, Niall noticed. This new Gemma didn’t really seem to just roll with it the way she had before the accident.

“I think we might see a fan or two, but it’s not likely. We have a private table at the restaurant, so that should be helpful,” Niall explained. “I’m trying to keep them as clueless as I can. I don’t want a repeat of what happened to you in London.”

Gemma nodded. She bit her lip and said, “I should have known better.”

“Hey, we’ve all moved on from it,” Niall pointed out. “No need to worry. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

He didn’t want Gemma to think that he resented her for anything, or that she had to apologise for not remembering things she had no reason to remember. How was she supposed to know she needed to be careful where she went without security? She wouldn’t have had the slightest clue, because all she could remember was life before the fame.

As they arrived, Niall let a valet take the car to park it, and he led Gemma inside. He was recognised upon arrival, and a rather enthusiastic hostess led them away to a private table in the back. It was an area that obviously was used as a private dining location for many a customer; it was certainly nothing new just to accommodate Niall. The nook was built into the layout of the restaurant, and for that Niall was incredibly thankful.

He let Gemma sit down first, and then he joined her, and they were each given a glass of water and a glass of wine that would pair well with the menu items that evening. Gemma kept gazing around at the restaurant, in awe that she’d ever be taken to such a place. The seating was plush and vintage, the room hues of mahogany, tan, and green. It was lavish, but it seemed fitting and not too over-the-top. Niall made Gemma feel so elegant, even when she felt like she was just haphazardly stumbling through this life she was learning to navigate all over again.

“Thank you for bringing me here,” she smiled at him.

“Well… thank you for saying yes,” Niall said, feeling clever for thinking up such a response.

Gemma giggled at that, and she felt herself falling just a little more for this man. The fact that she had forgotten memories still tugged at her brain as she sat and watched Niall try to act so carefree, and she knew that she just had to let it go. This man wanted her no matter what, and that was an incredible thing.

They ordered their first course: both chose veal terrine with beans and carrots, and as they ate the food slowly, Gemma asked Niall what sorts of things he’d eaten over the years. “You travel a lot,” she had said. “I’m sure you’ve had lots of funky things.”

He told her about the odd stuff he’d tasted during an Australian interview, and another time when he didn’t know what to do with miso soup. Gemma was laughing the whole time, and she just shook her head, amused by all of his stories. “You’re quite a guy,” she commented as their main courses arrived. Gemma had opted for the carbonara, whereas Niall decided upon suckling pig instead.

“I hope that’s a compliment,” he replied as their wine glasses were topped off again by the waiter.

Gemma nodded and insisted, “It is.”

The main course was mostly filled with chatter about Niall’s favourite places to travel, with Gemma asking every so often, “Was I with you there?”

Niall explained the way her travels came about; usually she’d join them on some sort of school holiday, or over the summer when she opted not to take any courses. “You’ve toured most of America with us,” he told her offhandedly.

Gemma’s jaw dropped at that, and she asked, “Are you serious!? I don’t remember a bit of it!”

She’d been a few places in America when she was a child, namely to Disney with her parents and Harry, but she didn’t remember it much. Now that she found out she’d seen much of the country and couldn’t even remember it, she asked, “Are you guys going back?”

“Eventually, I suppose. Sales will probably be insane after the hiatus,” Niall replied casually.

Gemma’s smile faded at that, and Niall tipped his head to the side out of curiosity. “What is it?” he asked her.

“It’s because of me,” she said sadly. “You’re not a band right now because of me.”

“Look, no, I mean… the accident was what made us decide it, but it would have happened sooner or later anyway,” Niall said, hoping to save the date before Gemma got too upset to let it continue. “I mean it, Gemma. Zayn and Perrie would have gotten pregnant anyway, and I know that Little Mix decided to do a hiatus now too so I bet if it hadn’t happened after the accident, it would have happened when they found out about the baby. We can’t do this forever.”

Gemma gazed up across the table at Niall, an unreadable expression upon her face. “What?” Niall asked, trying to figure out what she was going to say.

A small smile played on her lips as she said, “You really love me, don’t you?”

Niall smiled at her, relaxed and genuine, and it was a smile that Gemma couldn’t remember ever seeing before, aside from in the video where they announced on Instagram that they got married. He looked relaxed and at ease, and as though nothing in the world could hurt him. Gemma was figuring it out. He nodded to her, and he saw the way her dimples showed and her smile seemed to fill her whole face, her eyes lit up and her whole body glowing. _Gemma understood_.

That was step one.

They sipped more wine as they let their bodies digest a bit before dessert. At the restaurant, they seemed to be all about taking the time to enjoy it all; nobody was pressuring them out the door, though it was probably partially due to the fact that within fifteen minutes of their presence at the restaurant, suddenly a bunch of families with young girls began lining up. To those families’ disappointment, Niall and Gemma couldn’t be seen from anywhere in the restaurant. “They really love you,” Gemma commented as she walked back towards the table after a trip to the restroom.

Niall grinned proudly, his chest puffing out as he said, “You’re damn right they do. Who wouldn’t love this face?”

He felt like he could mess around with her now, teasing and joking and generally enjoying their time together. It was relaxed, like a first date should be. It was oddly reminiscent of their first date, but for all the subtle things. Private booth, lots of laughter, lots of wine – it was all the sort of thing that they’d had on their first date out and without even trying, Niall had recreated such a thing. It was a great feeling, knowing he could be so clever.

Gemma, deciding to take a risk, replied, “I don’t think anyone could hate your face. You’re quite handsome.”

Niall preened at the compliment, and Gemma noticed it right away. For just one night, things almost felt back to normal. Niall wouldn’t deny that this was now that greatest night of his life ever since the accident.

When dessert came around, Gemma ordered a chocolate soufflé with vanilla and raspberry, and Niall ordered a coffee moose with rum. Gemma offered Niall a taste of hers right away, and he decided to be playful and he scooped up some mousse on his finger and held it out to her. Gemma didn’t even hesitate. She let his finger slip past her lips, just enough for her tongue to slide in a swirl around his fingertip. With just enough suction to get all the mousse off while simultaneously teasing Niall within an inch of his sanity, Gemma removed the last of the mousse, enjoying the flavour. With a grin, Gemma sat back and replied, “That’s quite good.”

“Y-yeah,” Niall stammered, his voice cracking just in the slightest.

Gemma knew that like any man, Niall’s weakness was a woman; contact and touching and mouths and bodies – anything a man and woman could get into in a bedroom, he was weakened by it. Niall’s eyes lingered upon Gemma’s lips the rest of the evening, and she knew what he was thinking. She’d probably taken it too far, teasing him like that when she licked his finger, but it had been too hard to resist. Besides, it was fun and it felt like she’d done it before. It was likely that she had.

When they left the restaurant, Gemma wasn’t allowed to see the bill and she figured it was probably just as well. She didn’t want to feel as though she owed Niall monetarily. Gemma would much rather just tell herself that since he’d given her such a nice date, she could do the same in return.

It didn’t scare her in the slightest that she was already thinking about date number two.

When Niall brought her back to Harry’s flat, he was sure that the night was going to be over before he could even offer to walk her to the door. But Gemma knew what she wanted, and she knew how to get it. For all intents and purposes, this had been their first date. At least in her mind, it would always _be_ their first date unless she miraculously got her memories back. She waited for Niall, and after a few moments of confusion, he shut off the car and rushed to the other side to open the door for Gemma.

She smiled and took his hand, and she let him help her out of the car. They walked slowly to the door, and if she didn’t let go of his hand, well… neither of them said anything about it. They stopped outside the door, and when Niall turned to say a simple goodnight to Gemma, she was looking at him with an expression he hadn’t seen since before the accident. She was so mischievous and adorable and yet also… loving? It was an odd combination but it always seemed to work so well on Gemma’s face. “Yes?” he smiled.

“Well?” she asked, that strong, confident side of her personality showing brightly. “Aren’t you going to give me a kiss goodnight?”

Niall swallowed and smiled. He liked when Gemma got like this, demanding but also too reserved to physically take what she wanted. Niall smirked and took a step closer to her, one hand resting calmly on her hip as he looked down into her eyes. “Hm, I thought kissing on the first date was… too much?” he teased.

“Just do it, you donut,” Gemma laughed.

Niall leaned in, turning his head and aiming right for her cheek, but at the last moment Gemma turned her head. The kiss wasn’t _awkward_ , per se, but it wasn’t really aimed well. The side of his lips touched the side of hers, but she’d turned enough that a significant amount of both of their mouths were touching. Niall was shocked, more so by the fact that Gemma wasn’t shying away than the fact that she’d turned her head. He tipped his head just a little and realigned their mouths so they could kiss properly.

Even after the accident and everything since then, they were still so in tune with each other. Gemma’s lips settled just above Niall’s. She sucked just barely at his upper lip for a moment, and Niall slid his hand from her hip to the small of her back as he held her there in the hallway of the flat building Harry lived in. They were kissing right outside his door, but it didn’t feel like it. Niall and Gemma were lost in the moment.

After she’d given Niall enough, Gemma smiled and leaned back. She glanced up at him with that glint of mischief still shining in her eyes, and she leaned back. “Goodnight, Nialler,” she smiled.

She walked into the flat and left Niall standing there before he could get another word in edgewise.

He didn’t realize until halfway home that she’d called him _Nialler_ , a nickname nobody had ever used in reference to him around Gemma since the accident, and suddenly his faith in the situation was restored. Maybe there was hope, after all.

When Perrie called the next morning to see how it went, Niall couldn’t stop gushing about how perfect it had gone. She was positively overjoyed for him, and she encouraged him to tell everyone. Niall sent a mass text to the guys in the band, and all except for Harry replied with various wordings of congratulations. Niall felt extremely triumphant, but he didn’t know what to do now. The date had gone well, which he hadn’t been expecting, so he still didn’t have a step two.

Luckily, he didn’t need to have a step two. Gemma called him no more than two days after the date (early on a Monday morning to be precise) and she asked him if he’d help her plan the baby shower. “Harry was going to, but he’s pretty caught up in some writing with some guy named Ed? I don’t know,” Gemma explained. “I’d rather plan it with you, anyway. You’re funny.”

Again, Niall glowed at the compliment, and he agreed even if it would be a bittersweet thing to do. Planning the baby shower for Perrie and Zayn was beneficial to Niall and Gemma in the mending of what they’d had, but at the same time it was a way to thank Zayn for all of his support, and Perrie for her advice. Nothing bad could come out of planning the baby shower.

He hadn’t realised there were so many steps to it, but Gemma had pristine books that told her exactly what to do. “The books for weddings are twice as big, so don’t even complain!” Gemma said with exuberance.

Niall was constantly amazed by her positivity all of a sudden, but didn’t know how to take it when one of the lads would say that it was probably greatly in part because Niall wasn’t upset anymore. “I still get upset sometimes,” he’d tell them.

But he wasn’t really. Niall wasn’t as heartbroken as he used to be because now he knew there was hope. Gemma wouldn’t hate him, and she wouldn’t avoid him, because their date had gone well. Niall hadn’t asked her on another, but he didn’t think that was a bad thing. Gemma invited him along for cake tastings, and they even went shopping for baby clothes to double as both a party game and a gift to Zayn and Perrie afterwards.

Niall chose not to point out just how _perfect_ it was that someone asked them when the baby was due, as if it was their own. Of course, Niall hoped one day that it _would_ be the two of them doing the shopping for their own baby, but in the meantime he’d settle for making new memories with Gemma, happy ones, while planning someone else’s baby shower.

The night before the party, Gemma and Niall sat around the floor of Niall’s flat, rolling together items for one of the tables. “So… tell me more about us,” Gemma asked softly.

Quite frankly, Niall was shocked at the sudden change in Gemma’s demeanour. He didn’t understand why her moving out had been so profoundly changing for her, but he kind of enjoyed it. As difficult as it was to accept, Gemma was happier living with Harry. Niall wanted her happiness more than anything, so he dealt with it. “What do you want to know?” he asked, curious what it was that she might want to know all of a sudden.

“Just… everything. Like, what made us decide to try for children? Do you know why it didn’t work?” Gemma asked, not looking up from the party favours she was currently sorting into bags.

Niall tied a ribbon on another item and thought over his words for a moment before he said, “You’ve always been worried that you’d miss your chance to be a mum.” Gemma nodded slowly; it had been a fear since before she met Niall. Her mother could only have two babies and after that, conception just wasn’t happening. She’d wanted more, but it wasn’t in the cards… or her body. Gemma had always thought it was genetic. “After Theo was born, I guess I was just addicted to taking care of babies.” At Gemma’s confusion, he added, “Theo’s my nephew. He was born a couple of years ago, around the time we started dating.”

“We started dating, got married, and started to try for kids all within two years?” Gemma questioned.

Niall nodded. “You never wanted to wait. I mean… I’d never say no to starting a family with you because I know we’d make it work no matter when we decided on it, but… I get why you were in such a hurry,” Niall explained. “I wanted kids with you.”

“Wanted?” Gemma asked, the slightest hint of sadness in her voice.

“Well… I’d say that I still do, I just don’t want to make it weird,” Niall confessed. “But we’re still married so it’s not even like it’s improper.”

“I didn’t take you as one that cared about propriety,” Gemma commented.

Niall smiled at that; she liked using big words now and again to try to throw him off his game. Thankfully, several years’ worth of Gemma and her big words had taught Niall a thing or two – and occasionally she’d use one he knew or recycle one she’d used before. He chuckled and said, “Well then… I’d still have children with you, now and forever, until your ovaries shrivelled right up.”

Gemma burst out laughing at Niall’s sudden bluntness. She loved when he’d just open up like that. “That’s more like it,” she said between fits of laughter.

Niall was laughing as well, and he wondered if Gemma knew just how much he meant what he was saying. She caught his eye and they both stopped what they were doing as the situation suddenly grew a lot more serious. Gemma bit her lip and asked hesitantly, “D-do you know why it didn’t work?”

“We’d only tried a few times,” Niall confessed. “But other than that, no… I don’t know why. Fate, probably.”

Confused, Gemma raised an eyebrow and asked, “Fate?”

“Well, maybe… if you believe in all that, I guess… maybe it didn’t work because fate knew the accident was going to happen. Could you imagine waking up without five years of memories in your head, but a baby growing inside of you with a man you no longer remembered?” Niall pointed out.

Gemma paused. It made perfect sense, but she wished that fate hadn’t been such a dick to begin with; the accident was really causing a lot of trouble that she had to learn to work through. Niall was right there at her side working through it with her though, and for that she was very grateful. “I guess. I hope I don’t run out of time,” she said casually.

Niall glanced up at her, and he said confidently, “You won’t.”

Gemma’s eyes locked with Niall’s and he could see the worry deep within her. She was getting older; already mid-twenties, sitting there with a husband she didn’t remember and no longer lived with, fearing that she was quickly becoming too old to be a mother on her own. Niall wished there were more he could do for her, but there was nothing. Unless she remembered him, she’d have to either trust him and go forth with the baby plan, or they’d have to start their relationship from the ground up once again.

The baby topic was dropped after that, except for essential discussion about the baby shower. After a lengthy night of creating games, favours, and décor, as well as putting together some of the trays of food ahead of time, Gemma decided that it was time to go. “Are you sure you want to drive back?” Niall asked. “If you stay here you can sleep in later.”

Gemma glanced at Niall and that mischief was back in her eyes. She smiled and politely said, “Harry’s waiting up for me.”

Niall nodded, understanding, but part of him wished that Gemma had decided to stay. “You’ll see me again soon,” Gemma reassured him as she took slow steps towards him. “Don’t look so sad. We have all the time in the world.”

With a smile, Niall just nodded. After a near-death encounter just a few months prior, Niall wasn’t so sure that they had all the time that Gemma thought they did. But she was being sweet and kind, and she genuinely didn’t want to hurt him, he could tell. Gemma was standing toe to toe with him, and she stood up on her tip toes to press a soft kiss to his lips. It was so chaste it caught Niall by complete surprise and he couldn’t even respond to it properly.

Gemma smiled as she leaned back, but Niall kept the distance close. He wanted a proper kiss, and he could tell by that look in her eye that Gemma wouldn’t mind if he took it. Niall’s hands came up to frame her face, fingers tangling in the stray black hairs that had escaped from her ponytail. He smiled so genuinely, their noses bumping, and Gemma closed her eyes, already expecting and welcoming what was to come.

Niall’s lips met hers gingerly, but that lasted for a split second before Gemma slid his hands up his chest until she was gently gripping his shoulders. Her lips parted just barely, and Niall slid his tongue over her smooth, pouty lips. Gemma smiled and bid him entrance, her eyes closed and her breathing a bit laboured as each little touch and movement took her breath away. Niall deepened the kiss, sucking gently at her tongue, then her lower lip, and then leaning back for air before reconnecting the kiss again, closed-mouthed, like the finale that subtly brought her down from the high. Gemma could hear her heart pounding in her ears and Niall felt incredibly triumphant all of a sudden.

That kiss had been so heated, so dangerously close to never-ending, that Niall found it difficult to believe it had actually happened. Gemma smiled up at Niall, so at peace with everything, and she licked her lips before she said softly, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Nialler.”

Again, the nickname she’d never heard anyone use post-accident, she’d just used on him now. Gemma remembered little things, hidden nuances in their day to day life that Niall had taken for granted. As they’d prepared food, Gemma remembered Niall’s favourite meat and cheese combination, she knew where to find the crackers, and the flat felt like it was hers again. Gemma didn’t even realise she found things so effortlessly, but Niall found it to be the most miraculous thing he’d seen in a long time.

The more time he spent with Gemma, the more he saw that there were reasons to be hopeful. There were so many things that were _good_ , he found it hard to remember or focus on any of the bad anymore. He had so much to be thankful for. Even if his family and his marriage weren’t at the point he thought they’d be, they were progressing better than he’d once expected, and for that he was incredibly grateful.

But the day of the baby shower proved to be one of Gemma’s not so good days. She’d walked in and complimented the flat as if she’d never seen it. “Where are your cups?” Gemma asked as she set out drinks for everyone.

Niall told her, but then turned away with a frown. At Liam’s questioning glance, Niall explained in hushed tones, “She found them yesterday and didn’t need any help. Today she didn’t remember.”

Liam looked sad, but they both had to turn their frowns upside down because Gemma was playing a wonderful hostess during the party and Niall refused to let himself or anyone else ruin that for her. She’d put so much effort into the baby shower and she wanted it to be flawless for Zayn and Perrie.

Perrie, whose pregnancy was going flawlessly (even in the press!) had now come to terms with it all. She was excited to be a mum, and the other girls in Little Mix (also in attendance) were excited for her. Jade, Leigh-Anne, and Jesy all argued for a bid at godmother, but Perrie seemed to silence them all when she said, “Zayn was actually hoping it could be Doniya.”

It took only a few moments of shock before the girls all began squealing over how perfect it was, and how Zayn and Doniya had looked to be so close in the Story of My Life music video, so it made absolute sense. When the topic of godfather came up, Perrie explained that it would be her older brother Jonnie. “Family is perfect,” Gemma told them with a smile.

Everyone seemed to thank Gemma up and down for the party, and she just found it amusing to watch the guests all play the silly baby shower games like trying to guess the flavours of some baby foods, or seeing who could empty a bottle of milk the fastest. Niall nearly laughed himself to tears as he watched Gemma pull a face at the flavour of mashed peas. “Told you that you wouldn’t like that,” Niall said as Gemma set the container aside.

So far Niall was kicking everyone else to the dirt with his skills at the baby food flavour guessing game. “How are you so good at this!?” Gemma asked with hilarity.

She was still giggling as Niall said, “Who do you think got Theo to eat his mashed veggies? It sure as hell wasn’t my _brother_.”

Gemma got that look back in her eye, the one that said she was looking at Niall more like she wanted to jump his bones than as though they were just friends, or just starting a new relationship. It was almost as though listening to Niall talk about babies and children turned her on. He knew it was silly to think such a thing, but the look in her eye was undeniable. What else could it possibly mean?

As the party wound down and Perrie and Zayn looked over at a rather generous pile of baby gifts, Jesy asked the question that was on everyone’s mind: “Have you found out if it’s a boy or a girl yet?”

Perrie was at the stage in the pregnancy where she could very easily find out whether it was a boy or a girl, but until then nobody had summoned up the courage to ask. Zayn looked over at Perrie, who had already turned to Zayn as though she were asking him whether she could tell them, whether he wanted them to know or not. He nodded, and she smiled coyly before she said, “It’s a girl.”

The room erupted into applause and cheers, the girls of Little Mix becoming particularly raucous in excitement at the prospect of having a little girl to spoil. Gemma smiled and congratulated them, and Niall did the same. But when Zayn looked over and saw the slight sadness hidden behind the joy in Niall’s eyes, he knew what the blonde was thinking. _This should have been Niall’s moment._ Zayn put on a sympathetic face for Niall and just nodded, and Niall was shocked but acknowledged it with a nod in return.

Zayn leaned over, and while everyone else chattered about what names they liked, he said to Niall, “You’ll have your chance soon enough. She loves you again, I can see it.”

Now, maybe Niall was stupid, which he thought was perfectly plausible, but he didn’t see that “look of love” that everyone else seemed to see. All he saw were sudden looks of lust between friendly glances, glances that said _maybe I’ll kiss you but we’re still not anything extraordinary._ The worst part was, it had been months since the accident, whereas it had only taken one date and an extremely hot make out session before Gemma confessed her feelings before. It took two weeks _maybe_ for her to not only fall in love with Niall, but to tell him.

Niall just nodded politely to Zayn but said nothing more. The party was about Perrie and Zayn and their baby girl, not about Niall’s postponed dreams. He didn’t want to ruin it, and most importantly, he didn’t want Gemma to see that wistfulness in his eyes.

Luckily, she didn’t spot it because she was caught up in a conversation with her brother, who was animatedly talking about something their mum had said. He smiled at the sight of how relaxed she was, and Zayn just clapped Niall on the back.

Niall began to clean up as Perrie and Zayn started to pack up their gifts in some bags so they could easily carry them home. It was the time of night where Perrie was exhausted, the guys wanted to take Zayn out for celebratory drinks, and Niall just wanted to curl into a little ball and forget about his problems and his jealousy as he watched some football highlights from an earlier game. He might even call his mum.

It was rather surprising to Niall to see that Gemma wanted to talk to him and help him clean up. She put dishes in the dishwasher and covered the leftovers to send home with Zayn and Perrie, since it was their party and all. “You can go talk to them if you want,” Niall said politely as Gemma gathered up all the dirty plates from when they’d eaten cake.

“I want to help,” she insisted with a smile.

It was that look in her eye again, and it filled Niall with both confusion and happiness. He didn’t quite know how to deal with it. When just Liam, Louis, Harry, and Zayn stood in the living room and all the girls had left to help Perrie with the gifts, Gemma looked up and asked, “Are you going with them?”

“Nah,” Niall shook his head. “I don’t quite feel like going for drinks today.”

She nodded and her smile faded a little. Gemma wondered if it was her fault that Niall didn’t want to drink, that he was frowning and looked so downcast. The guys invited him to join them at a pub, but he refused. None of them really pushed the issue, because they could understand. He was upset and he was filled with yearning and desire and so much want. Niall needed time to cope.

Zayn bid Niall goodbye with a particularly strong hug, and then they left. Gemma stood by the kitchen counter, fumbling with a drying towel as she asked, “So… since Harry’s out and he and Louis are rather loud when they’re drunk, can I stay here tonight?”

Niall was quite surprised by the question, but nodded and said, “Sure. You still have some clothes here, or I have some sweats too. It’s up to you. I can take the couch… like we used to do.”

Gemma flashed him a soft, gentle smile, and nodded, “Thank you. But you know… you don’t have to sleep on the couch if you don’t want to.”

Confused, Niall raised his eyebrow and asked, “Are you sure?”

She kept that confident smile on her face and just nodded, “I’m sure.”

Their nighttime routine seemed awkward, but it was also strangely familiar. Gemma took a shower while Niall shaved his face. She climbed out in a towel and went into the walk-in closet to change, while Niall stepped under the spray. Gemma didn’t even turn off the water. Niall wasn’t quite sure why she remembered that detail. When he got out of the shower, she was in a pair of his sweats and one of her loose tee shirts, her hair falling free and damp over her shoulders. Niall dressed in trackies and a sports shirt and then he sat down on the bed next to Gemma. She handed him the remote as if it were second nature, and Niall reached over to card his fingers through her hair.

Gemma shifted, adjusting her body so she had her back to him, and Niall braided her hair as they watched highlights from a football game that Niall had missed the day before. It was quiet, and they went through the motions without having to say a word. It was as though for one night, Gemma remembered everything. Niall didn’t dare say a word though, and instead he just sat comfortably next to her. She settled into his arms after he’d tied her braid, and they sat in silence.

Just as always, somewhere in the middle of the game Gemma fell asleep. She’d always done it, and that evening was proof that she probably always would. Niall smiled, because it was so familiar and domestic and _cute_ , and he liked that. It felt comforting after a day of reminders of the past and all that they’d lost.

Niall didn’t even bother to shut off the television as the game ended, and instead he dozed off right there with Gemma at his side. For just one night, Niall got to pretend that everything was good and nothing bad had happened. It was probably the greatest feeling in the world.

When he woke, Gemma was still in the bed with him. She was curled up on her side looking peaceful and cosy. Usually she thrashed about in bed, but now she didn’t. She was instead curled up to Niall’s side for warmth and comfort, and Niall wasn’t protesting. Gemma’s braid was messy but it had happened before; she’d have the soft curls – the desired effect – by the time she took the braid out later.

He smiled and pushed some stray hair out of her face, and she stirred gently in the bed. Niall just kept his arm draped around her waist and chose to let her sleep. Niall wanted to enjoy the moment for as long as he could. When she did open her eyes, she looked drowsy and content. “Hi,” she smiled, her voice soft and full of tiredness.

Niall felt his heart beat faster, like he was falling for her all over again, and he replied, “Good morning.”

Gemma stirred but never scooted away from him; instead she just stretched her legs and tugged the blankets up over their shoulders. Niall was surprised at how tender she was being, but he didn’t shy away. He kept his arm around her waist and just let himself savour the moment. “I know why you were upset last night,” she told him softly. “I understand, and I’m sorry. But I know one day you’ll have your family.”

She looked sad but happy all at the same time, and Niall couldn’t help himself; he smiled right back and said, “I know I will. And I know you will, too.”

There was a gentle pause filled with sniffles and stretches and the occasional yawn, and it felt so domestic and so comfortable that Niall thought he was still dreaming. But he wasn’t; this was real life and he’d begun to make his fortune turn around. He could feel it in the way Gemma looked at him, the way she kept close to him and gazed up at him with such tenderness in his eyes. “Niall?” she asked softly.

“Yeah?” he replied.

Gemma took a deep breath and paused before she asked, “When are you going to take me on another date? I really enjoyed going to Apsleys and I’d quite like dinner with you again.”

Of all the things that could have come out of her mouth, that was the last thing he expected to hear. But Niall smiled anyway, so happy, and he said, “We can go out next weekend if you’d like? I promised my brother that he and Theo and Denise could come visit so they’ll be here this weekend.”

Gemma smiled and said, “Next weekend sounds nice.”

There was a pause in which Niall thought that Gemma was trying to speak, but just couldn’t find the words, and he waited and waited until finally he asked her, “Would you like to meet them when they visit?”

It was as though Niall had read her mind; Gemma was shocked but at the same time, she wasn’t really surprised. Niall knew her inside and out even if sometimes she didn’t know herself. Sometimes it was comforting, like in that moment when she couldn’t quite summon the courage to ask on her own. “Yes, I’d like to meet them,” Gemma smiled.

“I’m sure they’d like to meet you too,” Niall insisted, hoping that his choice of words would make it easier for her to grasp. “Theo will remember you, so don’t let that freak you out, okay? He’ll want to hug you and kiss you and all the stuff kids do with people they love.”

“He likes me that much?” she asked with surprise evident on her features.

“Of course!” Niall nodded. “He’s my nephew. I mean… technically he’s your nephew now, too.”

Gemma glowed at the thought, because the only child she was really used to was Lux. The thought of Theo looking forward to seeing her made Gemma feel so confident and so okay with the situation, and she couldn’t wait.

“When will they be here?” she asked with excitement.

“They’re coming in on Saturday morning, just staying Saturday and Sunday, and then going back on Monday,” Niall explained.

“Count on me being here the whole time,” Gemma smiled.

Niall’s arm around her waist tightened just a little and he said, “I’m glad.”

Gemma beamed, and she felt so much more relaxed with him suddenly. It was nice. Niall kissed the tip of her nose, and Gemma let out a giggle before she leaned in to capture his lips in a soft, gentle kiss.

All over again, Niall’s faith in them had been restored.

Gemma ended up staying over at Niall’s the two days leading up to the arrival of Niall’s brother, and he had to admit that he didn’t mind it in the least. Gemma was sweet, helped him with house cleaning and laundry, and she even had Harry bring over her clothes again. She still hadn’t completely moved in, but it was a start. And that start was what gave Niall the most hope.

“So… is there anything I should know about them?” Gemma asked as she waited nervously for Niall’s family to arrive at any moment.

Niall was confused and said, “No? I mean, I don’t think so. They love you and consider you family. I don’t know how they’ll act to be honest. They haven’t seen you since the accident.”

“But they like me?” she persisted; this time her voice trembled nervously.

“Of course they do, you’re family,” Niall smiled. “Come here.”

Gemma folded herself into his hug perfectly, and she smiled as she leaned against his chest with a big grin on her face. Even after the accident, something about Niall’s embrace was enough to put her completely at ease. She relaxed, and didn’t even panic when the doorbell ring like Niall expected.

And just as he’d said before, Gemma had absolutely nothing to worry about. Theo ran into her arms, the two-year-old now able to move on his own, and he hugged her close and kept chattering, “Miss you! Miss you Gee!”

Gemma was laughing and smiling and she didn’t protest in the least when Theo didn’t want to leave her side, even for his favourite uncle Niall. Greg and Denise asked Niall how he’d been faring since having all the free time in the world, and he confessed that he really missed singing. The statement didn’t go unnoticed by Gemma, but she kept her cool. She’d have to bring that up later. Maybe after Perrie and Zayn’s baby girl was born, the guys could get back into the studio for a low-key album, maybe a holiday thing or something to that effect. Gemma didn’t want them to give up their career just for her accident and one child; they could make it. Many people did.

Theo played blocks with Gemma, and then they coloured pictures, and the entire weekend was filled with fun children’s activities, plus good food and drinks for the grown-ups. Gemma and Niall even acted like a couple. It might have been thanks to Denise and Greg, who did the same. But the reason that Greg pointed out to Niall as more likely was that maybe they were falling into that whole relationship thing all over again, whether they realized it or not. “You sure look like a couple,” Greg told Niall as he pulled on his jacket.

“You’re crazy,” Niall said, shaking his head in disbelief.

“I’m serious!” Greg insisted with a smile. “You two act like a couple! You hold her and you know what drink she wants, and she feeds off of your happiness. I don’t think it’s as far off as you think.”

Niall couldn’t fight his smile, even if he was nervous about it and didn’t quite believe Greg. “You have a date again, right?” Greg asked, and Niall replied with a slight nod. “Well, that’s perfect then. Ask her out. Make it official.”

Niall wasn’t so sure, but he kept it in mind.

When Friday night rolled around, Niall noticed that there was a definite shift in the relationship that he shared with Gemma. Instead of being so reserved and shy as usual, Gemma stood in the doorway to their bedroom wearing nothing but a towel. “H-hi,” Niall stammered.

“Hi,” she smiled back mischievously.

Gemma knew exactly what she was doing. Ever the tease, Niall just stared as Gemma rested her hand on her waist, accentuating her curves even though the thick terrycloth of her towel. “What should I wear tonight?” she asked sweetly. Gemma continued to pretend she had no idea what sort of effect she was having on Niall.

“Um…” Niall trailed off, still staring at the way her milky thighs peeked out from below the towel, crossing at her ankles as she stood so unabashedly in front of him. “You should dress nice. This place is… kind of formal. Dress like last time. Maybe better – cocktail dress maybe?”

Gemma smiled, feeling powerful since she’d reduced Niall to a stammering mess who couldn’t quite articulate what he wanted to say. Gemma felt triumphant, and she trounced away with the towel bouncing behind her as she walked into her massive closet and shut the door to change. Niall let out a breath and just sighed, shaking his head. “Holy shit, she’s gonna be the death of me,” he muttered to himself.

At least now he knew that she was becoming comfortable with him again. Niall walked to his own closet and pulled on dress trousers, a plain white button down with the sleeves rolled up, and let the top button lay open as he waited for Gemma. Niall’s hair was perfectly quiffed to the side, looking more formal than his usual finger-slicked tousled style. With plain black shoes on his feet, Niall wandered into the living room to give Gemma time to get ready, and he went on Twitter to read more from the fans (and a few direct messages from the boys) before he’d ask Gemma if she was ready to go.

But before he could even go ask her to speed it up so they wouldn’t be late for their reservation, she was standing there in the doorway. Beaming from ear to ear, Gemma asked, “How do I look?” and pulled him from his stupor – sort of.

When Niall turned around, his jaw dropped.

To say that Gemma looked sexy would have been an understatement. She wore a plain black dress, but it hugged her curves tastefully. It went to a rather modest lower thigh considering the style of the dress, and it curved up over her bum. The sleeves were long with a conservative looking neckline in front, but when she turned around that’s when his jaw dropped, because the cut of the dress in the back went down towards her lower back, swooping very low and revealing all of her milky skin. He wanted to kiss every inch of it, but he had to swallow hard and hold back.

She wore some rings on her fingers and her hair was in gentle curls, a style she was rather comfortable with. He could faintly see simple diamond earrings with a matching diamond pendant necklace (Niall’s gift to her for her on the one year anniversary of their relationship) and her high heels were just that – high – but tasteful and not slutty. Plain black and suede, they completed her look. She smiled brightly at him and Niall couldn’t find his voice.

Instead, he just walked over to her and kissed her gently. She flushed bright red and asked, “What was that for?”

Niall just smiled at her and shook his head before he replied, “You look so beautiful.”

His hand fell to the small of her back, a natural place, and she didn’t even flinch as his hand glided over skin instead of the fabric of her dress; that’s how low cut it was in the back, and she’d be lying if she said that it wasn’t sort of the point. “Is this more like what you were suggesting I wear? I couldn’t quite understand you before,” she asked curiously with amusement dancing in her eyes.

“This is better. Way better,” Niall grinned.

Gemma beamed, proud of herself for the effect she could have on Niall. She ignored the little voice in her brain that reminded her that this was just how things were supposed to go; he was her husband, after all.

“Well, let’s go then,” Gemma smiled.

She took his hand – her left in his right – and they began to walk. They stepped into the lift and that’s when Niall’s finger brushed something and he realized. His eyes widened and he looked over at Gemma in shock. Niall brought her hand up between them and looked down to see that she was wearing her engagement ring. “Gemma… what’s this? Why are you…?” he trailed off, obviously quite confused.

He’d put the engagement ring and wedding band back in their box and kept them safely on his dresser, but he hadn’t ever thought that Gemma would actually want to wear them again anytime soon. “Well… marriage seems too serious for us at this point in our relationship, but… I could see myself engaged to you again,” she smiled. “So I wore this but not the wedding band. I hope that’s alright. I found them on the dresser and I couldn’t help myself.”

Just as forward as always, Gemma covered the exact topic that Niall had wanted to discuss at dinner, and she’d gone one step further. He grinned widely, brimming at the seams with happiness. Even though they were legally married, the bliss of what it would feel like to be engaged again washed over him and Niall couldn’t stop smiling. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckle just above the engagement ring, and she was flushed bright red but smiling just as wide as him, dimples and all. “You beat me to it as always, Gems,” Niall laughed.

Gemma looked proud of herself and preened at the nickname. Keeping that slight upper hand, she led him out of the lift and out to his car. She didn’t know where they were going, but as they went into the centre of the city, she grew more and more excited. Niall pulled the car into a parking ramp outside of Tower 42 and Gemma’s jaw dropped. He laughed and said triumphantly, “Yes! It’s my turn to make _your_ jaw drop.”

She rolled her eyes and gazed out the window at the looming building above them. “We’re eating here!?” she asked in surprise. She’d been unaware that the tower housed a restaurant.

“Yes,” Niall nodded. “It’s on the twenty-fourth floor. Their food is great, according to Liam. He took Sophia here once.”

Gemma didn’t know who Sophia was, but she hadn’t been mentioned in the months since the accident so she supposed it didn’t really matter. Maybe she was a past girlfriend of Liam’s, or maybe she was his current girlfriend. Either way, it was the last thing she cared about because Niall was taking her to an exquisite restaurant in a tower in central London and it made her feel like a million bucks. Little did she know, her husband had all that and more – not that it would make the slightest difference to her anyway.

As with their last date, Gemma was in heaven the whole time. The Rhodes Twenty Four served fantastic modern food including lobster, mutton, and a delicious pudding plate that the two of them shared for dessert. As they chatted between courses, she sipped expensive wine and kept gazing at the handsome man across the table from her who nursed a nice bourbon, and she wasn’t even bothered when they were _both_ approached for autographs afterwards. She supposed she owed it to people, considering they’d been holed up for so long, avoiding responsibilities and interviews, among other things. Niall was happy to do it too, and Gemma could tell that he was really excited to see fans again. The autographs took an extra hour out of their night as the buzz from their dinner wore off, but that was alright, and Gemma considered it well worth it. As soon as they got into the apartment, that excitement and desire she’d felt on the date bubbled right back up to the surface and she wanted to do something about it.

Gemma kept her hand in Niall’s, and once the door to the flat was locked behind them, she led him down the hall without bothering to flip a single light switch. “Gemma…” he trailed off, wanting to get just one more compliment in before she changed into pyjamas and they went back to what they were before, just as they had after the last date.

But the look in her eye said that there was no going back, that this time things were different. It said that they were together, they were engaged again and she cared about him deeply. She’d thrown caution to the wind when she slipped the ring back on her finger, and her bright, sparkling eyes gazed up at him even through the darkness of the hallway. “Yeah?” she asked, her voice coming out as a whisper.

Before he could say a word, he gave in to every urge he’d had that evening while gazing out at the nighttime lights of London with her. He leaned in, pressed her gently against the wall, and kissed her hard. He’d meant for the kiss to be sweet and romantic but as soon as her hand grasped him, her fingers tangling in the hair at the back of her head, that idea was out the window in favour of something much better. Sweetness and romance turned to pure desire and she enticed him to live out every dirty thought he’d had of her in the past few hours.

She pulled him closer, her own body pressed between his and the wall as they kissed. He moaned wantonly into it, the noise the only sound they made as their lips moved effortlessly together, the entire act feeling so practiced and familiar even if it wasn’t for one of them. Gemma wanted him just as badly as he wanted her, and Niall hoped this wasn’t just a fleeting desire. Gemma suddenly didn’t care that Niall knew more about them than she did; she remembered the last few months, the way he’d never given up on her, and that meant a lot more than memories she couldn’t even recall.

Niall scooped her up around her waist, and Gemma did a little jump to wrap her legs around his waist as the kiss deepened. He sucked at her lower lip, her hair showering over her shoulders and then his own as she leaned down to kiss him. Her high heels clunked to the floor, forgotten in the hallway as Niall blindly carried her to their room. Gemma didn’t let him stop kissing for a second, her fingers giving his hair a deft tug whenever he’d get distracted on the short walk.

When he set her down on the bed in the dark, she smiled up at him where he stood at the foot of the bed, taking in the sight of her. The moonlight streamed in through the thin curtains in the window, highlighting her every feature. She looked so beautiful, her lips puffy and kissed but seemingly begging for more all at the same time. Gemma’s face was filled with confidence and she didn’t even look ashamed over the fact that her dress was bunched up high on her waist, just centimetres away from revealing everything underneath. “Gemma, I…” Niall began, his chest heaving with each breath.

He felt like he should warn her, tell her that he wanted her badly and that if they kept going, he didn’t think he’d be able to hold back. Niall wanted Gemma – _his wife_ – and he wanted her in every way possible.

She seemed to understand, though, and she nodded. Her voice was soft as she faced him seriously and said, “I know.”

Niall leaned in and pressed another kiss to her lips, still standing and leaning over her as she rested at the end of the bed. He kissed her deeply, his tongue re-memorizing every little bit of her mouth, tasting her again, something sweet that could only be described as _Gemma_ mixed with the tart dryness of the wine she’d had at dinner. Niall was losing his self-control by the minute. “Gemma, I… I want you,” he breathed into the kiss.

Her hand reached up to glide through the strands of his hair at the nape of his neck, and she didn’t hesitate when she whispered, “I want you too, so just let go. I trust you.”

Gemma’s permission was all that Niall had needed to fully let go. That night, they made love for the first time since the accident. Niall nearly cried of happiness, and he was up late into the night gazing down at Gemma, who lay naked and sated in bed next to him. She dozed off not long after, all the jewellry and fancy clothing ditched in the bathroom or closet except for the ring. The engagement ring still rested on her left hand, diamond shining in the moonlight, reminding Niall of the promise she’d made to him all over again.

He’d done it. He’d made his wife fall in love with him again. But why did Niall suddenly feel like it wasn’t enough? Why wasn’t he as happy as he thought he should be?

The thoughts rushed through his mind and he wished he had an answer. Niall was obviously overjoyed that Gemma trusted him and cared for him the same way he felt for her. He pushed a small strand of hair away from her face, before her breathing jostled it just enough to tickle her and wake her up. She looked so calm and relaxed, her curly dark hair strewn all over their beige sheets, and Niall felt so overwhelmed and content. But at the same time… he still wished she remembered everything from the past. He wished she remembered the words she’d said to him on their wedding day, or the way she’d watched him fall even more in love with her when she held Theo for the first time. Niall remembered so much more, and it made him feel like the relationship was rather one-sided. He had invested so much more time into it and remembered so much more, even if he really hadn’t. It felt uneven, and something felt off.

Niall only had the courage to explain that to one person, and Liam’s only advice was to find a way to deal with it and accept it. He’d probably always feel that way unless Gemma got her memories back. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Niall knew that Liam was right. Unless Gemma suddenly remembered, which didn’t seem likely, he’d always have so much more to remember about the two of them.

Gemma, on the other hand, felt like things had never been better. She’d told Harry about the ring right away, and Harry was understandably very cautious about it but generally shared in her happiness. He took her for a nice dinner to celebrate, but made her promise to plan out the wedding and have a proper ceremony this time. Gemma agreed.

But more than that, when she was out with Harry she told him that the band shouldn’t be on hiatus anymore. “The fans miss you guys, I can tell, and Niall’s been writing dozens of songs lately. He needs an outlet, and Zayn has a couple of months before the baby arrives, still. You can do it,” she’d encouraged him.

Harry brought it up with the guys, and suddenly Niall found himself in the studio more often, sharing his ideas that he’d put in a private little notebook over the past six months since the accident. Everyone seemed surprised that in the midst of all the memory stuff and the healing after the accident, Niall managed to write so much. “It was how I dealt with it,” he told them, but it was the only explanation they got on the matter.

While Niall might be happy that his career was still alive, with pre-order numbers for the album climbing steadily with each upcoming day, he was still discouraged when Gemma never seemed to regain her memories. She’d recall little things like where an item was that he’d never shown her before, or a nickname or a place that she liked to go and had visited before in the five years that she couldn’t remember. Gemma’s memory was apparently a very fickle thing. Niall wished he could understand it a bit more.

She’d decided to go back to school while the guys were in the studio day in and day out, or in LA filming a music video. The University of Sheffield where she’d graduated from offered to let her re-take classes for review after her accident, and Gemma kind of wondered aloud to Niall one night if maybe Harry hadn’t already paid without wanting her to know (he _had_ – Harry told Niall in private, which Niall never revealed to her). Regardless, she was happy to re-attend the classes she’d missed to regain her knowledge and continue on the path she’d chosen for herself. It would take a long time to catch up on five years of forgotten knowledge, but it was good for her to have something to do with her time.

For months, things were fine. Gemma and Niall weren’t rushing into anything, and they were taking their time on pretty much everything, including the physical side to their relationship. They’d cuddle and they’d make dinners together and she’d always let Niall kiss her goodnight. But the down side to it all was that they hadn’t done much more than that since their date night. Niall understood; Gemma was still nervous and new to this. She didn’t know Niall’s body the way she used to, and she wasn’t fully unabashed around him. Gemma still preferred to have the lights off and to keep her bra on, and Niall didn’t pressure her.

Harry would kill him, for one. But at the same time, Niall was happy with it.

They were taking their time, which they didn’t do the first time around.

When things with Gemma first took off, Zayn kept telling Niall that he didn’t have to hurry, even if Gemma was afraid that she’d run out of time to have kids. He knew that everything would work out. While Zayn hadn’t exactly waited ages to propose to Perrie, he took his time and let her have a long engagement to plan her dream wedding. Niall and Gemma went through the entire proposal, planning, and wedding process in less than twenty-four hours.

Maybe now that he was in the same shoes Zayn had been in, Niall realized he’d had a bit of a point. It was nice just getting to know her and watching her gush over photos in wedding magazines, debating over flower bouquets and whether she should invite one of her high school friends to the wedding that she wasn’t quite sure if she kept contact with.

They were handling things maturely on the second time around and Niall thought that maybe it was fortunate. Even though the first marriage had been a big whirlwind that made him feel exhilarated and alive, he liked this, too. It was almost like they were renewing their vows, since they’d never been divorced, but he didn’t mind. Everything seemed fitting considering the circumstances.

But just as he’d expected, the wedding planning went on an indefinite hold when news went around that Perrie was going into labour. Niall was woken in the middle of the night by Gemma, who got the call from Harry. “We need to go! And we should grab a gift!” she shouted as she rushed around, gathering a mismatched outfit to change into.

Niall chuckled and slowly climbed out of bed. It was near dawn; visiting hours wouldn’t be for a while yet, and all the baby shops were still closed. He sent a text message to Zayn to see how much time they had, and a group message to everyone else to see when they were heading to the hospital, and he managed to get answers from everyone. “Look, Gems,” Niall said, and she paused to glow a little at his use of the nickname. “Visiting hours aren’t until eight, and it’s half past five. Shops won’t open until ten. Why don’t we shower and go out for a good breakfast and then go visit for a bit until we can shop?” Niall suggested.

Gemma was eager, though, and she pouted a bit until Niall began to urge her towards the bathroom. “Okay fine,” she frowned, and Niall kissed the tip of her nose again.

Gemma flushed red and she asked, “Why do you always do that?”

He smirked and replied, “Because I want to.”

She faltered at that, and Niall thought for a moment that she genuinely didn’t like it anymore. Before the accident, he did it all the time. More often than not she’d follow it up by asking why he always kissed her nose, and he’d always give her the same answer: _because I want to_. His was the first time she’d asked since the accident, though, and it made things feel a bit more familiar and okay. That is, until he knew why she’d faltered.

“We’ve had this conversation before, haven’t we?”

Niall just stared at her in shock. Gemma looked just as surprised and a little worried on top of it, and she cocked an eyebrow as she looked up at Niall, confused. He looked really baffled, and he asked, “How did you know that?”

She shrugged and said nonchalantly, “I just remember it.”

Just as they always had since the accident, little things gave him hope. In that moment, Niall was filled with so much overwhelming happiness that he pulled her into a hug. Gemma giggled and knew he was happy about something, but she didn’t know why. “What’s got you so excited?” she asked as she pulled off her hoodie to prepare for the shower.

“You remember something from before the accident,” Niall grinned.

Gemma looked surprised, but at the same time Niall could see that glow of pride all around her. She beamed, her dimples showing in that way that told Niall she was genuine about her happiness. “Get out! Don’t jinx it!” she laughed, pushing him out so she could take her shower.

Niall beamed, glowing with happiness, the entire time he waited for Gemma. When it was his turn, he stepped into the shower and cleaned up before he pulled on jeans and a shirt. Gemma still looked just as happy as Niall felt, and it gave him hope. He just felt like that day was going to be a really good day for her; it was a good thing, too. She deserved it.

It was seven o’clock by the time they got to the Starbucks down the street, and Niall ordered for Gemma without even thinking. As she sipped at her vanilla latte, she hummed appreciatively and said, “I’ve never had one of these before. It’s good.”

Niall smiled, even if she’d forgotten that it was her “usual” drink whenever they stopped at Starbucks for coffee, and said with a smile, “I thought you’d like it.” After she remembered things from before the accident, he didn’t want to upset her by pointing out more things she _couldn’t_ remember.

After breakfast they went to the hospital and found Louis, Liam, and Harry all waiting in the hallway. “You look happy,” Harry commented to Gemma as they shared a hug.

Louis snickered and muttered something to Liam about how she’d probably “gotten some” – which earned him a heavy glare from Niall – before Gemma grinned and said, “I remembered a little bit today!”

She was so proud of herself and everyone could tell. Harry did a little leap of excitement and hastily urged Gemma to tell them all about it. Gemma was happy to do just that, and Niall grinned like an idiot in love as he listened to the entire thing. He’d never tire of hearing her tell the story – not if she was always so animated and so proud of herself. If such a little accomplishment could make her this happy, Niall wasn’t so sure that she’d be able to handle it if the rest all came back at once.

Niall and Liam chatted about Perrie and how she was doing, and Liam explained that she was close to having the baby now, so they all decided to shop for gifts that night after the baby was born instead. Liam invited Gemma and Niall along, and he agreed. Niall could tell Gemma later, when she wasn’t chatting with Harry so busily. It always amazed him how much the two of them had to talk about even if they had a conversation with each other nearly every day.

Time passed slowly, each minute ticking on as though it lasted six hundred seconds instead of sixty. When an official and serious looking doctor rounded the corner and disappeared into Perrie’s room, an excited buzz filled the air. Nobody really spoke, not about anything that mattered, and instead they just sat in the line of chairs waiting in the hallway until finally Zayn emerged looking more excited an animated than he ever had before.

“She’s here!” he cheered. “She’s here and healthy and…”

He had more to say, but it was drowned out by the massive cheering from everyone waiting in the hallway. Screams could be heard as Jade, Leigh-Anne, and Jesy all ran down the hallway, too. “Did we miss it!?” Jade asked.

“She was just born,” Zayn grinned.

Gemma had never seen Zayn look so full of happiness and life; usually that look was more of a reserved thing, something only certain people got to see behind closed doors, but now it was on display for all to see. Everyone wanted to see her, but Zayn was dragged back into the room and the rest of them were shooed down the hall to the proper waiting room so Perrie and the baby could be moved to a new, clean room. Zayn went back in to join her and everyone else stood in the waiting room impatiently.

When they got to go see her, Gemma stood next to Niall and let the people closer to Zayn and Perrie have a look first. “What’s her name?” someone asked; Gemma couldn’t figure out whose voice it was.

“Marley,” Perrie said happily. She looked exhausted and a little pale, but she was healthy just as the baby was, and she kept hold of Zayn’s hand proudly as Jade looked down at the baby in her arms. They were currently passing the baby around, and slowly each person got their turn.

“Yeah, her name is Marley Tricia,” Zayn said, looking at his baby girl reverently as she was passed from Jade to Niall.

Gemma looked over Niall’s shoulder at Marley, who had raven hair and pale skin. She looked like a baby Snow White, and she was sleeping calmly in Niall’s arms. “Niall, like this,” Gemma said, guiding Niall’s arm just a little bit so he was supporting Marley’s head better.

Now Gemma faced Niall, and they shared a look between them before he said, “Do you want a turn?”

“You’ve just gotten her,” Gemma said softly. “I’ll get a chance next.”

“I insist,” Niall told her softly.

Neither of them noticed all the eyes focused on the two of them with Marley as Niall passed the little baby over to Gemma. Gemma held her expertly, like she’d done it hundreds of times before. She adjusted the blankets and smiled as Marley stirred just a bit. There were no words for the beauty of the moment, the way Niall nearly died with happiness at the sight of Gemma with a little baby. He wished desperately that it could be their turn, but it wasn’t yet. It wouldn’t be for a long time and he’d accepted that. But sometimes he still wished that things could change.

And just like that, Gemma sat down on the edge of the bed as everything hit her like a ton of bricks. _A baby_ , she recalled, _she wants a baby. She wants a baby with her husband and this could be her next._ A tear slid down her cheek and for a moment, Gemma wasn’t sure what to do. Zayn noticed that something was up, something was happening that nobody could understand, and he took Marley away from her gently. “Gems?” Niall asked nervously.

Both he and Harry were inching closer to Gemma, who was trembling and crying softly. Nobody spoke as they all tried to figure out what was happening. She looked up at Niall sadly and then pulled him into a massive hug. Her grip around his neck was almost enough to choke him, and he held her around her waist and gave all the comfort that he could. Niall was incredibly confused but kept his mouth shut, opting to just let Gemma get her sadness out, or whatever it was.

“Come on, let’s get you some water,” Niall suggested.

“You’re an idiot,” she whispered. “Niall James Horan, you’re an idiot and I can’t believe you were serious about all of those cheesy things you said when we got married.”

Niall froze, his eyes wide. He’d never told Gemma his middle name since the accident.

He’d never even showed her their vows.

His arms went slack and Gemma landed on the floor, keeping her steady balance, her arms still around his shoulders as he stared down at her in awe. “You…?” he trailed off.

Niall couldn’t really believe what he thought was happening. Nobody spoke, still, and the air of the room had changed. Suddenly everything was on that precipice between hopefulness and truth. Niall needed to know. He needed proof, validation even, because he found it very difficult that she’d just suddenly remember it all.

But she was crying and smiling and looking up at him and she said, “My hair looks terrible and you’re still here with me? I… Niall, what is going on?”

Gemma was laughing, but it sounded almost hysterical and disbelieving. Niall was confused, but someone beat him to the punch. “Gemma… are you remembering stuff?” Harry asked slowly.

She didn’t know how to put any of it into words. Harry’s question was simple enough to answer, but she didn’t know what she was missing. It was hard to really explain how she felt in that moment. It was like her past caught up to her present and all of a sudden it all seemed so ridiculous. She could remember life before the accident, but she could also remember life _after_ the accident, including all the stuff she’d put Niall through, their dates and their “getting to know each other” and the way that Niall never gave up on her – ever.

To put it simply, yes. She’d remembered. And she nodded at Harry with more tears in her eyes and Niall reached out to hug her tight. His face buried in her hair and he couldn’t really believe it. Gemma kept whispering _thank you, thank you so much, I love you so much_ in his ear, the phrases on random and repeat in his ear. The whole time, Niall just held her, afraid that if he let go, she might forget all over again. He didn’t want to risk it. Niall didn’t think he could handle it if she remembered again.

But the room cheered, Perrie had tears in her eyes out of happiness, and everyone was grinning even wider than they had been before. “I’m sorry,” Gemma said as she wiped at her tears. She stepped back from Niall and laughed as she slapped him in the chest, “And you owe _me_ an apology for lying to me this morning!”

“Shit,” Niall muttered, remembering the little white lie he’d told her at Starbucks about her drink. He laughed at the look of hilarity on her face, and he said, “Right. Sorry. It boosted your ego though. What if I’d told you the truth and it meant you wouldn’t have remembered now, though!?”

“I don’t think my coffee order would have an effect on my _brain_ ,” Gemma rolled her eyes.

Niall just laughed and the rest stood confused, but maybe it was just as well. The important part was that Gemma remembered, and that maybe now things would change. Niall wouldn’t object if they didn’t, however. Renewing their vows and having a proper wedding ceremony in London still sounded fabulous. “I’m so sorry I forgot you guys,” Gemma said earnestly to everyone.

“Don’t you dare apologize,” Liam insisted as he hugged her.

“Wasn’t your fault at all, Gemma,” Harry said as he took his turn embracing her too.

“Not you, you donut,” she teased, hitting him playfully upside the head. “That apology was _so_ not meant for you.”

Harry burst out laughing, so happy to see his sister like this again. She seemed so genuinely happy and full of life – so much more than she had as she was struggling through life, re-learning all the things she’d forgotten.

Perrie looked up at Gemma after the excitement died down, and she asked, “Would you like a proper turn holding her now?”

Gemma beamed and said, “I’d love that.”

She took Marley into her arms again, cradling her gently, and she smiled down at the baby in her arms that was sleeping so peacefully even amidst the hubbub in the room. “Heavy sleeper, that one,” Niall commented as he stepped closer to her.

“Good,” Zayn grinned.

Gemma was so entranced with the baby, her finger wrapped in Marley’s tiny fist as she stared down in awe at the tiny new life in front of her. When Niall stood in front of her and fixed the blankets just a little, swaddling Marley, Gemma beamed. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she didn’t care who was in the room and heard her, she needed to say what was on her mind. “Niall, I want one,” she whispered.

Niall broke out into the brightest smile anyone had ever seen on his face, and he kissed the tip of her nose and said, “Me too.”

Gemma rolled her eyes at the kiss, and refused to ask what it was for since she’d done it so many times in the past, and just smiled up at him and he closed the distance easily for a kiss. The room burst into applause and hoots and hollers, and Gemma broke the kiss to laugh at everyone’s reaction. “ _Well_ , we all know what _they’re_ doing tonight,” Louis commented with amusement. “My turn!”

He stepped in to hold Marley before anyone else could call dibs on her, and Gemma just handed her over in favour of hugging Niall again. She couldn’t take her mind off of everything Niall had done for her, all the pain he’d gone through to get them to that point they were in. It left her feeling so amazed and awed; Gemma had always known that Niall loved her but what he’d done was more. It left her feeling so complete and so overwhelmingly grateful.

At her mother’s insistence, Gemma went to see a doctor a few days after regaining her memories. Her mother said that it would be a good idea just to make sure that everything was okay, and that there wasn’t something else going on in her brain as a sort of residual effect. More than that, it would serve as a good way to check and see whether they should expect the memories to disappear again, or if the amnesia was gone for good. Gemma went for her full check-up and exam, and she was giddy the entire time, to the point that she couldn’t eat her breakfast that morning out of fear that she’d be sick.

“It looks like everything is great,” the nurse told her happily. “We don’t see any cranial swelling or damage of any kind.” Gemma beamed and she couldn’t think of anything to say. Thanking the nurse seemed inappropriate, yet Gemma was so full of excitement that she’d regained the memories that she had to do _something_. Luckily, she didn’t have to decide quite yet because the nurse wasn’t finished. “However, we need to discuss some other parts of your body and some things that I’ve been noticing.”

The nurse snuck a quick glance down at Gemma’s left hand, where she wore her engagement ring and wedding band once again. Niall and Gemma still wanted to have a proper ceremony, but they were planning it extremely slowly. They hadn’t even booked anything yet. Gemma’s heart sank as she heard the nurse’s words, and she asked with a slight tremor of fear in her voice, “Is everything okay?”

“Well, it should be. Let’s just bring you down the hallway here to do an exam,” she was told by the nurse.

Gemma followed obediently and found that she was in a different room, this one containing a rather large looking piece of equipment with a screen on it. “What’s this?” Gemma asked nervously.

“It’s just an ultrasound. We need to do a check, it’s routine,” the nurse reassured her.

She nodded, accepting what the nurse said. Gemma just had to hope that nothing else was wrong with her. As the nurse turned on the machine, Gemma lay down and lifted her shirt so it rested just below her breasts. The hem of her jeans was already low, so she had exposed a significant part of her stomach. She’d been through this before; they had to check her kidneys while she was in high school (and again after Harry met Liam, because Harry worried _far_ too much) and aside from the cold gel, it wasn’t terrible by any means.

Gemma closed her eyes and winced at the feel of the gel, and then relaxed as the nurse slid the wand over her stomach, and then lower until she paused. “Is everything okay?” Gemma asked, her voice full of worry at this point.

“Yes, everything is fine,” the nurse replied calmly. She had a smile on her face, Gemma saw when she opened her eyes. Nobody spoke for a moment, and then the nurse said, “You’re pregnant.”

Gemma’s jaw dropped. She and Niall had only tried for a baby once since she’d regained her memories, and that was mere _days_ ago. There was no way. Things didn’t happen that fast and Gemma was well aware of it. “But… that was just…” she trailed off. “How far along am I?”

The nurse calculated in her head for a moment based on measurements and size and Gemma’s age, and then said, “I’d guess you’re at about nine weeks.”

Nine weeks. Gemma wracked her brain for when it possibly could have happened, until it dawned on her. After the date when she’d worn that sexy dress and they went to the tower in London. It must have happened then – it was the only way. Gemma was incredulous and took the ultrasound photo, list of recommended prenatal vitamins, and the due date with her out of the office.

She stormed right into the studio where she knew they were recording, and thankfully Gemma found Niall sitting outside a recording room with Louis, Liam, and Zayn. Harry was currently recording something just inside, but she couldn’t hear it.

Gemma stormed right up to Niall and smacked him flat across the face. His head turned and he winced before he asked, “What the hell was that for!?”

“You idiot! You are _so_ lucky I got my memories back!” she shouted. All work in the studio paused and Harry looked up to see his sister fuming at Niall. “What would you have done if I hadn’t!? I can’t _believe_ you didn’t wear a condom!”

Confused, Niall asked, “B-but… I did? I mean, until we decided to try, and…”

Harry made a face at what Niall was saying just as he emerged from the sound booth. “Gems, what’s going on? Calm down,” Harry advised calmly.

“What’s going on is he knocked me up _nine fucking weeks ago!_ ” Gemma screamed.

Nobody moved for a moment, her words weighing down on everyone, sinking in slowly. Harry’s eyes were bugging out of his head and Liam just looked calmly surprised. Zayn and Louis were exchanging looks of hilarity as they stifled laughter, and Niall’s hand dropped from where he was cupping his cheek. He looked the most shell-shocked of them all. “Wait… what?” he asked slowly. “After that date we had?” Gemma nodded vehemently, her glare still fixed on her face. “Gems, I used a condom that night.”

“Well obviously you _broke it_ ,” she snapped.

Niall just stared yet again, too shocked to really apologize or get angry for the accusations. “But isn’t this what you were trying for all along?” Harry asked lamely.

He had a point, and Gemma sighed, defeated. “If I hadn’t gotten my memories back, this would be a disaster right now, you know that, right?” Gemma asked.

Harry nodded, and she could see Niall nodding in her peripherals as well. “But you got them back, Gems, so be happy. Don’t slap him around,” Harry told her calmly. “You should be kissing him instead.”

Gemma looked over at Niall. “I’m sorry,” she sighed. “I thought you’d done it on purpose. It would have been a bloody stupid move.”

“I would never do that to you,” Niall insisted. He looked so earnest, she knew he meant it. Gemma didn’t know why she’d jumped to the conclusion that he’d done it purposefully.

She nodded and replied, “I know. I’m sorry. I guess I was just shocked.”

“Well yeah,” Niall nodded. “I am too. But this is a good thing.” He smiled and reached out to hug her. “We’re going to be parents, just like we wanted.”

Harry let out a joyous shout, and Zayn just laughed silently off to the side. When Gemma noticed, she fixed an annoyed look on him and asked, “What’s got you so amused?”

“Enjoy sleep while you can,” he said simply.

Gemma looked over at Niall, who sheepishly shrugged, and she realized that everyone knew how heavy of a sleeper Niall was. She’d end up with the baby at night all the time, she was sure of it. With a sigh, she just shook her head, but she couldn’t keep herself from laughing. She was too happy to be angry.

Niall turned her head, his hand on her chin and focusing her gaze back on him, and he grinned widely. Gemma imitated, her dimples showing brilliantly just the way Niall liked, and he pulled her in for a kiss. Everyone cheered, and the kiss turned to a big hug that made Gemma feel unbelievably happy all of a sudden. “You’d better call mum now,” Harry warned her, interrupting their moment. “She’ll freak out if she hears it from me.” Harry waved his mobile up by his face with a smirk.

“Harold, don’t you dare!” she cried out, fishing desperately in her purse for her own mobile. When she found it, she dialled her mum’s number and held it out to him. “See? I’m calling her! Put that away!”

Harry smirked like he was going to press ‘call,’ but he didn’t and instead let Gemma share the news with their mum herself. Instead, Harry just decided to round in on Niall. “I don’t want to know what you did with my sister, or any of those details mates usually share, and I’m going to pretend that this baby is coming from a stork because anything else is just _gross_ ,” Harry began, pointing his finger warningly at Niall, “But congratulations, Niall. I’m going to be the best uncle in the world, and I expect to be named godfather as well.”

“Well, I was kind of thinking my brother, since I’m Theo’s godfather and all…” Niall trailed off with a smirk. “How about for baby number two?”

“No!” Harry shouted. “No more sex with my sister! That is _wrong_!”

All the lads burst out laughing with Niall, and when Gemma walked back in, she crossed her arms and said, “Harold? Who said my sex partners were any of your business?”

Harry’s eyes bulged and he flushed red, embarrassed that he’d been caught. Before she could say anything else, Louis cut in: “Wait, partners? As in _plural_?”

“No, I didn’t mean that!” Gemma cried out. “It was a generalisation!”

Niall laughed right along with everyone else until Gemma gave up completely. She sat on Niall’s lap with a pout. Niall just smiled at how adorable she was being, and she said, “I want to wait until the baby is born to have the wedding. Maybe until it’s old enough to be _in_ it, even,” Gemma said softly, more to Niall than the rest, even if everyone heard it. They all pretended not to notice, since the moment seemed rather intimate.

“I’m okay with that,” Niall nodded earnestly. Their eyes locked and he kissed her again, so overjoyed with the fact that they were going to get to be parents after all.

“I love you so much,” she whispered, their noses brushing as she nuzzled closer to him, still smiling happily.

Niall looked elated at hearing those words for the first time since the accident, and he replied, “I love you too, Gemma.”

His hand fell gently upon her stomach, which wasn’t even protruding yet, and she smiled at the simple gesture. It felt wonderful, especially as she closed her eyes and he planted a soft kiss on her lips. They were lost in the moment, oblivious to the world, and that was okay.

It was to their advantage, actually. Or at least, that’s what Harry thought. Now on his Instagram page just above the photo of Gemma beaming, still teary-eyed from the discovery that she’d regained her memories with the caption, “full memory back, it’s a miracle!” there was another photo. This new photo was Niall and Gemma, lost in their intimate moment, nuzzling close with his hand on her baby belly. They were both glowing with happiness, and Harry posted it with a simple but effective caption, one that summarized his feelings completely: “can’t wait to be an uncle!”

Instead of reading the replies, Harry looked back up at his sister and Niall where they still were sharing in their moment of joy. She’d pulled the ultrasound image from her bag to show him, and that’s when it hit Harry. _This_ is why they dated even when Harry wasn’t so sure that they should. Their love didn’t know any bounds. Harry had resisted for so long, but that look of pure joy and bliss on both of their faces told him everything. Niall and Gemma were soulmates. As much as Harry had wanted to insist that the soulmate of his sister wouldn’t be found in the band, he was wrong. Niall made Gemma happier than Harry had ever seen her, and _that’s_ what truly mattered.

With one last stroke of wisdom, Harry posted a tweet for the world to see, to summarise everything perfectly:

 **Harry_Styles:** Congrats to @NiallOfficial and @GemmaAnneStyles - what a crazy ride it's been. Thanks to all of you for all the support xx


End file.
